Lou, what an amazing woman you are. Just delurking to share my story and tell you that I had a similar twatish ex-DH, although probably not in as difficult circumstances as you are. I can completely remember that awful limbo feeling of pain and frustration that you are in (although coping so much better than I did).
He left me a week after I had a miscarriage, on Valentine's day. I had gone out shopping with a friend and returned expecting to cook the meal we had planned. He had trashed the house, spray painted the walls with graffitti (do you know how many coats it takes to cover silver spray paint?), ripped me out of every photo I owned and set fire to it in the sink, ripped up all my clothes and put dog shit in our bed. He had packed the car up with everything he wanted including our two cats and went.
He told everyone that I had cheated on him, that the baby was somone else's and fabricated an email that I had allegedly sent to some man that he faxed (it was a long time ago) to my family and friends and my work. He banned his family from speaking to me at all and refused to speak with me. He set a private detective on me, called the police to try and get me thrown out the house and screamed abuse at me in the street on the two occasions he saw me. He called my father and my sisters trying to turn them against me.
I wasn't strong like you, I sobbed and wrote him letters begging him to come back and it took me longer (and finding out he had OW all along) to get me to see sense. I was so much better off without him and I still wish I had seen it sooner and wish I had had Mumsnet for help.
I remember sobbing that I would never have a baby and a family and my GP telling me that it would take me four years to recover and that I might have to face not having a family (I was 30 at the time). She was nearly right. I met my lovely DH two years later and I was ready, but it did take us 10 years to have a baby.
However, the absolute hurt and anger went quicker than I thought it would and things like a new job took my focus. That feeling of wanting to get rid of things that reminded me of him went too and I still have things that we bought together that I loved and they dont remind me of him at all, its just mine now. I am more confident and happy than I think I would have ever been with him and that didnt take very long at all, about four months before I began to feel that.
I am sure you will make the right decision for you about the baby, but do try and imagine yourself 7 months from now and what you will want then, not what you are in the middle of now, because it will be so very different.
Sorry for the super long post.