Men's opinions needed

[KlickKlackknobsac]

What do men want from a relationship?
What does 'being respected' mean to a man?
Why is work so bloody important to men, seemingly more so than kids/ wife especially when they have something to prove?
How can women get more attention from single-minded work driven men?
(Answers from knowledgeable women also welcome of course)
Background- married almost 20 years, 3 kids, still in love.

cowboy I've asked you before the sexual attraction part and I would like to ask others here as well.

What do you think makes males attractive to their female partners. What do they need to do to maintain their sexual attractiveness and their allure, so a woman doesn't feel bored, or repulsed, or simply not in the mood anymore?

I believe, and please correct me here, that it is not as simple as look attractive, keep fit and slim, and wear nice looking underwear.

Also, I can only speak for myself. Intelligence on his side and imagining a man to be my friend and companion comes way earlier, then after the shagging like teenagers phase. Plus, I haven't shagged that much as a teenager, in fact not at all, I started shagging later than that and now in my late 30's I am much more sexual and erotic than I was in my younger years.

And men who I lust after first, are usually only one night stand material for me. The ones I would have serious interest in, I would not get physically close with so early on. I actually get to know them first.

As I find only the wonderful personality can keep me long-term and NOT the initial physical attractiveness.

worldcitizeb - Im not a man but for me attraction came first eg wiw you are the most attractive man to me, great chemistry cant keep hands off each other.

then very quickly realising we could talk for hours and hours and it seem like minutes.Just connecting with that person in every way and knowing no one would come close.Thats how I felt with dh.

Hi beebee I felt the same and that's how I usually feel, too.

There is a certain attraction I feel, call it chemistry or lust or I don't know what, and with my ex-husband I even imagined him naked within 3 hours of meeting, but I also had a feeling within that time frame that I am going to marry him and have a daughter with him, and we turned out having a daughter ha ha ha. But you know what, I learned much later that this is how he felt too, at the same moment, telling me months later...

What I want express here, that I also make (unconscious) differences between levels of attraction.
But I always know fairly early, mostly right away, how much I could imagine that man to be part of my life.
I've met very good-looking men I've clicked with, but I knew it won't be something for serious dating as we don't match in other ways. And it wouldn't make sense to get attached and build up feelings, when I know it's not going to go further, so very often I found myself ambiguous, as I really really wanted to get physically close, but not more.
Sometimes I went ahead and sometimes I didn't and regretted it afterwards as they were so sexy

I think I've grown and matured in the sense, I see a man and I talk to him or get to know him, and I started taking everything at face value, thinking what I see is what I get. Simple as that.
So, I started to look and listen more carefully, and found the first few hours, dating days and weeks, tell me the most about the man.
And I either like it or not, as I know myself best and know what sets me off or what would annoy me or what I couldn't live with, so there is no need to change or hope he will turn into this or that, or he has potential for whatever...I don't even know, why I ever looked at men and saw more who they could be and become rather than for who they are and most likely will stay

And since I am not doing that anymore, all of the sudden all became so easy and relaxed

Ladies.....you are bing trolled for lols.

www.arrse.co.uk/naafi-bar/186533-mumsnet-relationship-forum-like-reading-jeremy-kyle-32.html

Unfortunately not all of the military are so uneducated and socially fucked up.

But what can I say? I know women post there, which is questionable.....

But I don't like seeing you people trolled for lols. Inb4 I'm a fat old harridan. No, I'm fit, young, slim, good looking. I don't have to whore myself around uneducated pricks for attention

They might learn something if they stuck around. They do not sound very educated to be honest

Goes back to my grotty feminist dungarees. Sat in my rocking chair. Refusing to give my husband a bj...

WC- Good question, but because I have a pair of testicles still attached to my body I fear some on this forum will automatically flame my reply as being sexist.

Like all things it depends on the setting. In my younger days it would have been my good looks and sense of humour that helped me pull.

Now much older and happily married, I do not have a clue why my wife is with me. For some reason she loves me. My dark hair is gone, my youthful good looks are now worn away and I look like an old thug.
I put her first, listen to her and we are brutally honest with each other. She knows I love her for her natural beauty and do not want to change her.
I keep my self in shape and she says I look sexy either in jeans & T/suit/uniform/birthday suit.
I make her laugh and cheer her up when she down.
Some would say I'm a bastard, but I'm her loyal bastard.

As Wordsworth would say "We murder to dissect".

My Dad on the other hand had more affairs than you can shake a shitty stick at. He worked away a lot and racked up around 2-3 a year.
For him it was easy, He had dark good looks, talked the talk and could charm the knickers off a nun. He earned a 6 figure salary and liked the nicer things in life. He kept him self in shape, gym 3 times a week and swam every day. For his age he looked great naked.
The odd thing is his conquests where not all office totty, he had Project managers, police sgt's, teachers, married/ single, I remember one of his girlfriends had a PhD. He even snagged a young lady I had spent an evening chatting up.
Why did woman fall for him, he was handsome, fit, had a lot of authority, could support a good life style. He was damaged goods and woman loved to try and fix him.

House of Pain - I have only typed what I feel and what my opinions are.

I will be sticking around to give a mans point of view. I have been truely shocked at some of the sexiest and hypocritical view of "Women" on this site, but their are some good threads on raising kids.

I wouldn't expect many people to really listen to you tbh. Not when you re reporting back to the toss pieces over there who give the military and women associated a bad name.

I would question whether you are a "man" in the true sense. You can't speak for all of mankind ya know.

Plus when mnhq know you are feeding back your "responses" for kicks on a troll thread. Then you'll be banned.

Cowboy thanks for your reply. I can totally see it happen, that lots of women would get caught in love/lust web with your father.

Thanks for responding and bringing your own marriage as an example, but I was really more asking in general, as I believe so many men have no clue, what they really would need to do to maintain their own erotic and sexual allure in a long-term relationship.
And it seems that it doesn't even cross man men's mind, how much the women also suffer from their lack of libido and lust, cause they most likely have also not signed up voluntarily for a loveless or sexless marriage.

I personally do mostly get turned off by bad attitude, disrespect, not being valued, no fair work-share, etc.
Then I do not care how good he looks and fit his body is, he then sort of becomes unattractive to me, and having turned unattractive means I am in no mood for sex with that man, so then what to do, if in a marriage and with small children and possibly financially and emotionally dependent on that man?

It becomes an issue. And it is for many women not so easy as simply pointing out his faults or give clear instructions or something along those lines, as suggested.
Somehow the dynamics and the power seems to shift and many men seem to do as they please, as long as they feel they can get away with it.

And I know this is a generalisation, but I think it is a typical scenario?!

House how do you know it's Cowboy???

Errrr he just admitted it. Plus it was pretty obvious anyway. "Mans man, in a male environment all his life" all that bollocks. He's trolling you and feeding the thread back to his fuckwit friends.

Lordvonharley on arrse

*My feelings are hurt, I got called a troll. The irony is I've been on and off Mumsnet since becoming a dad but never gone into the forums.
I was truthly in what I wrote, hell I even held back from what I really wanted to write.

Some of the "Mums" on there are like evil Merry Whitehouse clones.*

Oh House I don't care about that. MN is a public forum, anyone can read and write and point it out to others, I am not phased by that at all.

Plus, I see this here as fun and entertainment and education, all MN, and I take everything with a grain of salt and can laugh about some things, and others make me think, and I don't get all so agitated about anything here.

Whatever I write and post here is not safe and secure anyway. So, thanks for pointing it out and warning, but I am not phased by all this here.

Thanks though

I was not doing it for your benefit. I was doing it for all the posters....see I know some people have had real problems with these fuckers. MNHQ are banning them. So out them, the quicker the better.

Plus most of the posters won't want to engage with a troll, knowingly feeding back to a troll thread.

So they know now don't they :)

Oh and I know they'll all be reading this thread, and visa versa. Not all of the military are dumb fucks. I promise you ;)

House Oh, I think I am little bit more humble than that. Didn't cross my mind to think it was for MY benefit only

Awww no I'm being picked on now by some uneducated squaddies and someone who is projecting her own fat problems onto me.

I'd just LOVE to see these people face to face in a mess see what they look like.

Seen as I'm pretty damn stunning.

As you were ladies troll outed and reported. I'm off out for some drinks. I'll have to drag out the dungarees age about 20 years and put on 30lb.....I don't think they comprehend you can be a feminist, with strong opinions, good looking and young. Bless.

Cowboy thanks for staying and please other male posters come back and enlighten us with your views and inputs .

Seriously, we are all adults here, so there is such thing as deciding what to read, what to respond to, and choosing to whom to respond, no answer is also an answer, so why get all agitated and waste my breath and energy with strangers .

People usually have a tendency to not listen or take things to heart, if they feel it's being rammed down their throats, no matter how valid and important your views are, they simply won't care.

And I was married for many, many years to a U.S. Army person and have gone through lots of things, and I am talking deployments, wars, conflict-zones, death and horrible injuries of his comrades etc.
He is thankfully all over that, and still in a uniform profession and re-married and a great father to our daughter, so if I could turn back the clock, I wished we would have never had to endure so many difficulties due to his duties.

It was a strain on our marriage not for the reasons usually discussed here on MN relationship threads.

Houseofplain

What do men want from a relationship?
Sex, love, someone who is nice to them and all the things listed above.

What does 'being respected' mean to a man?
Much the same as the above - someone who admires them (women need this too)

Why is work so bloody important to men, seemingly more so than kids/ wife especially when they have something to prove?
It is very very important to many ambitious high earning successful women too. It is just that if you adore your work you balance things on a daily basis - sometimes that means work comes first and sometimes children. We all make that balance every day. It is a gender neutral issue.

How can women get more attention from single-minded work driven men?
(Answers from knowledgeable women also welcome of course)
Well presumably a lot of women look for a man to keep them so they have deliberately sought out a hard worker who makes a lot of money rather than like many of us women earning their own. The price these leech women pay for living off male earnings is that not surprisingly they are with a man who is out there earning to keep them. If instead you earn 10x your man as I did then things change a bit. You pick your man and make your choice.

What do men want from a relationship?

Someone I can talk with about anything,
Will support me in what I do but also tell me if what I'm thinking of is a mistake,
Shares some interests with me but not necessarily all (I think both halves of a relationship should always have something that is just for them),
Sex is important but not everything, just as sometimes she may not be in 'the mood' I'd like for her to understand that there are times when the bloke isn't in the mood either and just because I might not want sex at exactly the same time she does it does not mean that I don't want her anymore!
And someone who I can laugh with

What does 'being respected' mean to a man?

Not entirely sure about this, maybe not being belittled for every minor mistake or fault

Why is work so bloody important to men, seemingly more so than kids/ wife especially when they have something to prove?

Men are generally told from a young age that it is up to them to provide for themselves and for their family and to do that they have to go to work.
If they are in a low paid job then they have to put the hours in to pay the bills.
Rightly or wrongly society tends to look down upon men who stay at home and let their wife or girlfriend bring in the income.
I think in most cases (true workaholics excepted) it isn't that the man really does think that his work is more important than his family, it's just that he sees his work as the means to support that family.
I would love to be able to give up work and spend all my time with my girlfriend, unfortunately Mr Mortgage says no.
Although even if I was to win the lottery I probably would still have to find myself something to do to keep my mind occupied, but definitely wouldn't be putting in the 10-15 hours a shift I have to do at the moment to keep afloat.

How can women get more attention from single-minded work driven men?

If you mean true workaholics then I'm not sure there's much of anything that can be done to distract them (until they burn themselves out).
If you just mean men who spend lots of hours at work then I will deviate from the majority of male posters so far, BJs do very little for me! I was always taught that it's better to give than to receive
Sex is a good way but not after a long days work, maybe before a long days work but not after it.
Putting a little time aside to do absolutely nothing is wonderful even if it's only 10 or 20 minutes of just enjoying each others company without talking about what he's been doing during the day or whatever's been been going wrong in the house during the day.

As an aside, I may have misunderstood some of this thread because to be quite honest when it went down to nastiness I started to get confused.
Yes, men like looking at youth and beauty but I'd say that it's probably very similar for women, otherwise why would there be calenders of firemen or young chaps carrying spare tyres around without their vests on.
When I see young 20something girls wandering around dressed for the summer I can't say I've ever had to resist my violent urges! I might think 'ding dong!' in my mind but I think most men realise that even though there will be people who admire them for being with a girl 20-30 years their junior there will be a lot more men thinking it looks quite sad and pathetic.
Personally my gf is a couple of years older than me and I have absolutely no intention of trading her in for a younger model, I'm more worried that she'll trade me in for a younger one!

Loggie thanks for your time and input.
Would like to give a more detailed response to your thoughtful post, but as I am busy at work right now, I am going to leave it at that.