Men's opinions needed

[KlickKlackknobsac]

What do men want from a relationship?
What does 'being respected' mean to a man?
Why is work so bloody important to men, seemingly more so than kids/ wife especially when they have something to prove?
How can women get more attention from single-minded work driven men?
(Answers from knowledgeable women also welcome of course)
Background- married almost 20 years, 3 kids, still in love.

Offred - I apologise, you're right, I'd only read the first part of that post properly.
I don't think those urges apply to all men -perhaps "strong" rather than "violent urges" would be a better descriptor.

I want someone who is interested in what happens in the world not just what is happening on coronation street......

I want someone who doesn't spend more money than needed on items (especially toys!) and who gets into debt.

I want someone who treats sex as an experience not just a chore.

I want someone who isn't too needy. I can't stand being asked questions like "do you love me?"

I want freedom to do things I want to do without being questioned. I give that so expect it in return.

I want someone who doesn't talk about children all the time even when the children are at grandma's!

I want someone who doesn't just rely on me to earn all the cash and who has their own interests and career.

I have some of these but not all. I suppose my DW would have a list and I don't tick all her boxes either!!

Sex yes its important more to some than others but refusal is seen as a direct snub. Also an appreciation that we are different if asked why we did something and we say we dont know, trust me we dont, it just happened that way, move on. Oh and seperation during the menopause might be the way to go !!!

Wow so much good stuff here I don't even know where to begin. You make men sound so charming and intelligent.

That first post was so depressing by Tryingtokeepitogether. So men have a need to shag young fertile women and depending on their level of attractiveness and ability to be able to do decide to settle for the best they can get.

No women don't do the same.

What happens when women are no longer fertile?

seperation during the menopause might be the way to go

Do you mean during the male menopause or female, or perhaps both?

Hello klickKlack, thanks for starting this thread, and even more thanks to all the men who have responded so far.

I am (a woman) reading this with great interest and I wish some other female posters, such as the last two, would be more respectful with their responses, especially since the OP asked men's opinions here.

I can understand that you feel enraged, but it is not always necessary to respond to everything. We don't have to agree with or like what others have to say. But no answer/response is also an answer, sometimes.

Please, I would be disappointed, if this thread wouldn't go any further, because it turns out to be more fighting ground than responding to the OP and having a personal and honest exchange about our views.

I would like to respond too and ask the male posters a few questions, but am starting to feel inhibited, if there is a start of a hostile atmosphere .

Correction. I meant the last two posts on page 2.

How can there be a respectful response to the utter garbage that TTKIT came out with? A man who actually thinks that way doesn't deserve to have a partner.
This is becoming a guide of sorts, as in "what not to look for in a man" .
If men like paul and TTKIT are the "average male", my advice to single women is to stay single.
How sad is it that a man thinks that his work defines him?

I feel a little hostile after hearing that couples should divorce during menopause (wtaf) that men don't think and are not responsible for their actions, and that saying no to sex is a insult to the man.

With respect worldcitizen, there are no differences between men and women in this way. If you have a husband who behaves like this why not try treating him as a person rather than "a man" and thinking about his individual characteristics and needs. Try being mad at him for not treating you as a person rather than "a woman" and for ignoring your individual characteristics and needs. This thread is pointless and damaging in the ridiculous crap people are spouting on it.

Anyway if you believe this men are from mars and women are from Venus crap you have your answer; your husband not putting his penis in the nearest teenager should be enough for you, he may leave you when you can't bear children and you should not expect him to stay, if you want to keep him happy give him more blowjobs, don't expect explanations for his behaviour and don't nag him...

Oh and don't refuse sex also makes sure you look like you are enjoying it even if you aren't.... FFS...

Seriously, utter garbage or not.

There is a lot of garbage here on various threads, starting with many thread titles and the content, and I do not feel the need to read, or after reading or skimming or whatever, I see how I feel about continuing to read or decide to respond etc.

I really, really don't think it is always necessary to make my opinion or my disgust or my rage or whatever heard.

On this thread, it would be nice to have men respond and possibly other women asking more questions or adding their views in a way, so the one or the other man doesn't feel jumped at or criticised for taking his time and sharing his views.

Whatever I make with the response, is up to me, and it doesn't always involve an "outcry" (for lack of a better word).

I hope I a not being rude here

How to be the perfect Stepford wife eh, Offred?

It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

Pointless and damaging, yep, just about sums it up.

Hello offred I am a little bit gob smacked now. I haven't even said or thought anything in that direction.

I am now genuinely confused.

It isn't just garbage though is it, it is REALLY damaging sexism.

You can't come on here and effectively criticise others for saying things you don't want them to but then want to feel free to say things others don't like.

malificence, for me this thread or this (hopefully) exchange is not about being perfect Stepford wife at all.

Where are these interpretations coming from?

Not you world citizen, that is the advice you don't want challenging.

It is misandry as much as misogyny and it makes me ill so no I'm not just going to say "thanks for your input "

You can say whatever you want...

But does it have to be hostile?

Clearly you have not read and fully understood the implications of this thread or some of the "advice".

What I wanted to express is something else, and sorry, perhaps I am doing a terrible job here, as English is a foreign language for me, and I might be not so eloquent and quick-witted.

So I might be better off sitting back and keep reading.

paul

The fact that we are the most important part of your world even if you have Kids

Work is who I am, Its defines me even more than marriage and Kids

So you want to be the most important part of your wife's life. But she should not expect to be the most important part of yours? Have I got that right?

Ok, but please understand that yes, there is a need for hostility on threads like this. Disgusting sexism like some of this should be met with hostility from men and women and it has on this thread by and large.

OK, my views on what men want from long term relationships.
Exactly the same things as women want , respect, support, great sex, comfort, companionship, emotional intelligence, equal parenting, personal space, understanding.

I can't answer the question about the importance of "career over all" because I don't know any men like that. My DH isn't defined by his job, thank goodness, he prefers praise for his baking skills . His job is simply a necessary inconvience, enabling us to have a nice life, as is mine.

And before any bleating about hostility towards men begins, this is hostility towards abusive sexist stereotyping of men and women. People who see it as an attack on men might want to think about why they see sexist attitudes and behaviour as an integral part of gender.

See, I totally agree with the wanting the same things as women.

But let's take personal space for example or good communication or supporting one another, I have come to the conclusion that as both sexes want and need the same, it somehow is expressed differently.