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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

His mother should've swallowed

999 replies

LouP19 · 19/08/2012 21:11

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it. Smile

OP posts:
AgathaFusty · 20/08/2012 13:10

So, so pleased you are getting the locks changed. It might be your joint house, but it is only your home at the moment, not his, so it is right that you should feel safe and protected in there.

Glad also you are taking someone with you to the scan for support. I guess you wont have told him the time of the scan anyway, just the date?

As someone else said, it might be a good idea for someone to house-sit for you whilst you're at that appointment. As already said, the longer it takes until he knows about the locks, the easier for you.

TheLastRavenhope · 20/08/2012 13:14

Have caught up now and I have to say, that man has some serious cheek. Not that he wanted to come to the scan, I half expected he'd turn around and say that. The way he did it though, just a random text after all he's done, as if he has a god given right to just waltz in and out of deeply personal things whenever he feels like it, is beyond belief.

I second what everyone else said about telling the hospital.

I really hope it goes okay for you Lou, and with the least amount of stress possible.

LulaPalooza · 20/08/2012 13:39

I still don't have anything particularly useful to say, so I thought I would write you some Haiku, Loup19

Your cojones shrink
with each lie, with each untruth
my soul grows each day

You have the chutney.
The bucket, sponge and spoons too.
Dignity is mine.

Neighbours care for me and
so do leather-clad strangers
How is your ulcer, hmmm?

Whilst you pick locks and
try to steal my confidence
the cats hate your soul

I don't really know if he has an ulcer, obv, but I couldn't find another word that scanned!

Love the new thread title, BTW.

Hope your day is productive re locksmiths etc.

x

JustinBoobie · 20/08/2012 13:41

Go Lou! Stay cross and revolted - and I would seriously consider telling the police about the things he is, in effect, stealing from you.

CakeistheAnswer · 20/08/2012 13:42

Good news that the new sol doesn't appear to have been scuppered by him - I was holding my breath on that one. You never know, she may even be a MNer too!

Sending you good vibes for today and tomorrow - hope that both are enlightening in a positive way.

Is someone going to stay in your house while you're at the scan? If he doesn't come to the hospital, I wouldn't put it past him to have another go at the house. (Not that he'll get very far...) Do you have a garden shed which he could raid if he can't get indoors? Or can he get into the garage? If so, can he access the house from an internal door? Just trying to cover all angles!

And...of course we'll still be here in the Autumn. You don't get rid of us that easily!

MTBMummy · 20/08/2012 13:43

Hi Lou, just wanted to state again that you have amazed me with your strength and dignity through out this entire situation. It will get better, and you will be 100 times better without old twunt in your life - good ridence to bad rubbish.

On another note - I just want say a massive thank you to MN for providing me with a new insult, when being nudged by a taxi the other day (I cycle commute in London) I shouted at him "Chutney Twunt" cue very confused look from him and me in giggles for the rest of my ride.

OhDearNigel · 20/08/2012 13:58

re haiku - how about conscience in the place of ulcer ?

Cherubim · 20/08/2012 14:01

Loving Lula's haiku Grin

sadwidow28 · 20/08/2012 14:13

Go Lula

For the others, Lou did say that her Mum was going to stay in the house whilst she and friend went to the scan. That base is covered.

sadwidow28 · 20/08/2012 14:17

Sorry folks.... I didn't intend to come over all "school ma'amish" at all. I was merely intending to assure you that Lou had the Mum-in-house situation covered. Lou's threads move so fast that I suspect we all miss a little bit of the 'update' now and again and so the advice suggests she does something she has already sorted.

Apologies!

LulaPalooza · 20/08/2012 14:24

Oh yes! Conscience works so much better than ulcer. Thank you, OhDearNigel

Neighbours care for me and
so do leather-clad strangers
How is your conscience, hmmm?

And this is a general one to all of the fuckwits about whom a depressingly large number of MNers are posting at the moment (cheating or abusive or just plain messed up other halves)

you follow a script
yet believe you are The Wronged
you are just plain Wrong

BabylonPI · 20/08/2012 14:49

Go Lula !!

Am I the leather clad stranger??? Grin

LulaPalooza · 20/08/2012 14:50

Yes! you and Mr Babylon, obv.

I had to resist mentioning squeaky leathers

Lagartijadoesthecrazyshake · 20/08/2012 14:51

he's a knobber. good work on the locks. is the scan tomorrow? Will be thinking of you then and hoping knobcheese doesn't turn up and make a nuisance of himself.
xx

mathanxiety · 20/08/2012 14:57

I think you need to tell him explicitly that he is not to come to the scan.

You also need to warn the hospital that he is not to be admitted to your scan and that you do not want to encounter him there when you are arriving or leaving -- maybe ask to speak with hospital security/reception or the social worker office to find out how he can be excluded.

MamaMary · 20/08/2012 15:27

Lou, I've followed your threads and I can't help but comment at this stage as to how well you're dealing with this appalling situation. It's been shocking to read not only that he left you, but the way in which he did it, and the way he continues to harrass/ intimidate you. It's utterly appalling. All the names he's been called are deserved!

I think he wants to be at the scan to intimidate you and put pressure on you to terminate. Under no circumstances must he be allowed to attend.

And well done on getting the locks changed. You need to protect yourself.

girlywhirly · 20/08/2012 15:28

Lou, I'm so pleased that you are taking steps to protect yourself and your home.

Have you seen a website called divorceaid.co.uk, there is a lot of information on there answering all the commonly asked questions in a readable form. Might help you understand some of the procedures before you see the new solicitor, and enable you to know what options there are. My biggest concern is that Chunt will try to hide income bonuses, savings or assets from the solicitor to make him appear as broke as possible.

The other thing I am wondering, is whether he keeps taking stuff from the house not just to upset/annoy you, but that he might leave the OW at some point if he can't cope with parenthood and/or her.

fhdl34 · 20/08/2012 15:39

Good god, who does he think he is!?! If he turns up at the hospital I'd seriously ask the hospital to have him removed, you're there for YOU to see how the pregnancy is developing and discuss YOUR options, fuck all to do with him.

Original poster
LouP19 · 20/08/2012 15:42

Hello all, good to be back. Love the Haiku Lulu Smile

Girlywhirly re: him taking a lot of stuff, I have wondered if he's setting himself up for potential bacherlorhood,....!

Anyway, a productive couple of hours. My Dad came over and bought me a brand new bucket, sponge and car wash. So I now have my own bucket. I am already well on the road to independence, am I not?!! I SHALL clean my car!! He mowed the lawns whilst I walked to the local Co-Op to get some food (want to try and spend the money in my account this month on stuff like food and petrol so it comes up on my account). Then I came back and weeded the drive. Then we had a cuppa in the back garden.

My boss has emailed me to say there's potential extra hours for me in September, but they will hold them for me for whenever I'm ready. Wow.

And the texts continued from him for an hour or so. I didn't reply. You don't have to worry about this screwing around with my head. They don't. They actually make me feel wonderfully in control. I walked to the Co-Op smiling earlier,..... he mentioned feeling 'trapped' and 'out of control' and he's 'scared'.

Good. The grass ain't always greener. I could've told him that 6 months ago.

OP posts:
Bluepenny · 20/08/2012 15:46

I've followed all the threads and not really had anything to add, as such great advice, banter, support from everyone else.

However, having been in a similar situation (split and found out expecting within days of it) and XP also of similar character traits/actions I would suggest he wants to be at the scan to ensure that Lou is actually pregnant.

Once he has this confirmation/proof - and its easy to read as pie in the sky - but given his character traits, the cowardly way he'd probably deal with it, it is to say that it's not his and keep his story of how he'd not been with you for x-amount of time, thus keeping up a front with the OW. Of course, it'd all come undone along the line, but I joke not - this is exactly how my XP acted - you have to think completely outside of the rational bounds and be at least 2 steps ahead!

Good luck to Babylon PI today and Lou, I really wish you well. You have a fab bunch of family, friends and MNers supporting you. x

sugarice · 20/08/2012 15:48

He's unbelievable isn't he, what a twat! Fab news on the extra hours , your boss sounds nice. I love the fact that he's squirming and that you can laugh at him, he is a Bell End!

blackcurrants · 20/08/2012 15:54

Well done, Lou, it sounds like you've really got a handle on both his feelings and yours. Well done indeed.

Also I want to hug your parents. They're being just like I can imagine my parents being, in the circumstances if i could talk my Dad out of actual assault and I'm really pleased you've got them and some friends around.

juneau · 20/08/2012 15:55

he mentioned feeling 'trapped' and 'out of control' and he's 'scared'.

I reckon he's deluded enough to think that he can make you feel sorry for him.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 20/08/2012 15:55

Lou you're doing brilliantly, very best of luck with the scan tomorrow. Thanks

Lagartija knobchutney, surely! Grin

lasnosage · 20/08/2012 15:58

What a twat eh? Trapped and out of control ie his plans aren't turning out how he thought/wants. Glad you are feeling so positive Lou, I think he wanted to come along to the scan to get all the facts so he can work out a new web of lies for ow. Make sure your next of Kin on your hospital notes is not him and inform the hospital that you are separated etc. xxxx