His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

Babylon "I know that sucks clinic exists at the Royal"

What does that mean?

Oh Lou. I have been thinking about you on and off all day. Just very at all you have had to go through today.

I hope you sleep well and wake up with renewed strength.

You WILL get through this

Lou - you have plenty of time to make your decision. Please don't rush it. Try & consider how you might feel in 5 years given each outcome! I'm rooting for you. Whatever decision you make there will be times when it feels like the wrong one but stay true to yourself. The Chuntster has no right to be consulted. I can understand why you feel the need to speak to him but he has proved that you can't trust him so this has to be YOUR position.

I hope people won't come on here and try and 'advise' you on what to do. You need to make this decision for yourself. Whichever way you go, you will have a lot of support here. You have already shown yourself to be such a strong woman, I'm sure many of us would have crumbled by now.

Dig deep inside yourself & you'll get it right x

sucks clinic = such a clinic

Hi Lou I posted on the old threads had no idea this was ur new thread but looked by chance.

Sorry to hear how today went definitely take time to make your decision and make it based on what's best for you

Dear Lou

I have done no work at all today as I have been reading your threads about Chutney Twunt.

I am so sorry for the loss of the marriage that you thought you had

But this man has belittled you and used Emotional Abuse to knock your confidence, he has played mind games and possibly has been trying to gas light you. He kicked you out of a car and left you in the middle of nowhere. He is still trying to do this but amazingly all those people who knew this was happening but thought you were happy are giving you a standing OVATION and the idiot hasn't realised that him leaving you will be the making of you and the destruction of him.

My very good friend had a shit of an exdh. He still is but plays the matyr perfectly. She already had 1 dc and after an accidental drunken fumbled discovered she was pg again. And then the seperated. He knew all along she was pg as well. After almost missing the birth of dc2 he tried to blame her, etc etc but she never wavered.

He is a rubbish father and lets his dc down monumentally, dc2 is the spit of him to look at which I guess could be hard.

BUT if they hadn't got together she wouldn't have the most lovely dc she has raised until now on her own, if she hadn't split with him and moved backed to her parents she wouldn't have met the new neighbours and wouldn't have consequently met her new dh through them.

Out of something bad, something good can happen. Please don't forget that.

Re your dreams of a family, and your pregnancy:

1. Family doesn't always have to mean father, mother, dc - yes in your dream it does but one thing that you probably know is that if you continue with your pg your will have doting gp's and uncle/aunt from your family and it CAN be enough

1. Don't let him pressure you into something that you may later regret. He is having his cake with the OW, by terminating he gets what he wants, by not you might get what you want. However a wise family member once said to me you only regret the children you don't have not the ones that you do. If your dh wasn't such a twunt what would you be feeling about your pg now?

(I am not trying to stop you from making a decision that suits YOU best at all but you have been through a great deal already to get to this point with your fertility and if you want to you can do this alone because you WON'T be alone as you have your family)

1. Men in the future. Don't look now, not because you are pg but because if you went even on a sniffle of date and decided to not terminate he could cause all sorts of problems about ideas of paternity.

Not all men are twunts, my coz has just remarried and between them they have a gazillion dc, it didn't put him or her off. Would you not date someone because they have dc?

Lou, take care of your self especially until you make a decision - you keep eating your ravioli and cheese triangles, and keep your head up. Sounds like you have a fab support network surrounding you. And most of all, be grateful that twunt has finally pushed off, whatever happens you are sure to be far happier without him

Dissertation over and out

Can I point out that some hospital do have gynae clinics which run different services on different days e.g. Post-menopausal bleeding or termination clinics. It's generally the same staff, given the circumstances it seems quite feasible to me that either the GP has misunderstood, or thought the appointment would cover both aspects, or whatever got written on the referral has been interpreted by the clinic co-ordinating system in the wrong.
I make referrals (for something else but gynae related) and misunderstandings with clinic appointments do happen sadly.

Lou - I will go back to lurking, I wish you the very best, stay strong!

Do what you need to do for you both on here and in RL. You have a huge amount of support on here and I'm sure you have friends and family who see how great you are too (not least your wonderful mum and dad). You will get through this even if on occasion it feels like you won't and you'll come out stronger for it (although that doesn't make it easier).
Remember all advice is a gift and you can choose to accept it or not.
I'm sending you all good wishes and I know you will make the decisions that are right for you. I don't blame you at al for stopping talking about the pregnancy, but do know that there are a lot of women on here routing for you. Take care of yourself.

Lou just take all the time you need to process everything that's happened today.

The vast majority of us on here are here for one reason only - to do whatever we can in this strange, online world to offer words of support and encouragement, and to help you in any small way we can.

If you feel strong enough to carry on reading here and ignore those who are upsetting you, then know that we're still here for you.

If you need some time away, then we'll still be here for you when you're back.

You're doing incredibly well, and I'm absolutely raging on your behalf that you've had to deal with the crap on this thread on top of the day you've had.

Get some rest, try if you can to stop thinking about the pregnancy and what you're going to do - you have time aplenty still on your side. Just look at how far you've come in the last 3 weeks. Another 3 weeks will give you so much more strength and insight, and all of us believe that you will make absolutely the right decision for yourself.

LouP, i think it's only natural to want to talk to the man who was your 'D'H over this important decision. The problem of course is that, as his astonishing behaviour has shown, he cab only think about himself and possibly the OW/their baby - you have presented him with an added complication. Accessing counselling from someone who is going to have your best interests at heart is so important.

What a horrible day for you Lou. And then to come to your support thread & be bombarded with insinuations & doubt. I can't decide what Porto's agenda is.

Don't listen to the "advice" that you need to discuss the legal aspect with him. I know you know that's why you're engaging a solicitor.

I'm rambling,I know. Sorry.

My thoughts have been with you throughout & particularly today. Words fail me on the gp's ineptitude & thoughtlessness,however I know shit happens. However you choose to deal (or not) with it is up to you. If it were me I think I'd be writing a letter. But I'm not sure to whom...

Take your time,as I know you will,with making your decision. It's a very difficult one. Very difficult. For many reasons. But ultimately the choice is upto you. I would be wary of any suggestion that you "will know what the right thing to do is". I don't necessarily believe that it will be that clear. I imagine it's a case of weighing up pros & cons,potentialities (if that's a word) etc.

Stay strong,follow your gut/heart & remember how many supporters you have in your life - actual & on here.

portofino, Lou herself has asked you to stop posting here

what are you trying to prove?

Oh Lou You poor sausage. I really don't have any more to add, but just think: you have nearly three thousand comments strongly supporting you and giving out very, very good advice. Some people may be offering virtual hand holding, and some simply lurking but urging you on and admiring your dignity and strength. You will get through this. You will have support for as long as you need, and whatever decision you make.

Hopefully you will sleep tonight and awake tomorrow ready to tackle a new day. We are here

did you overlook this post?

LouP19 Tue 21-Aug-12 21:38:29

Do people honestly believe that someone under consultant led fertility treatment was sent to an "abortion clinic" by mistake and that she would go there and sit in the waiting room for a scan without querying it? Cos I don't.

Porto, I pity you.

Yes, this happened to me. I sat in the Obs and Gyn waiting room. At no point did it say 'Hello welcome to the abortion afternoon'. But it became clear as the girls were being called in that that was what the afternoon was about.

Just leave me alone. You are upsetting and offending me. I do not see any point in you on this board. Thank you.

Oh Lou, so sorry about the misunderstanding, I know it can happen but it seems so cruel that you obviously need to talk to someone and yet were not given that as an option today

You still have time to make decisions, so hopefully you will get some good counselling soon. Sometimes health care professionals don't get it right and I hate the thought that you felt like you were being pressured there and then to make a decision about something that is not simple.

well she was there, porto.

you weren't, as far as we know?

hi Lou - delurking again.

This decision is yours and yours only - don't let Chunt twist or play mind games. He cannot influence your decision. You have strong family support and loads of support here (whichever way it goes).

Being a single parent is hard but not undoable. You are a very strong person and will get through this. Chunt is an arse - keep him at a distance.

As said in many posts above mine and on all the other threads - we are routing for you and will support you in whatever decision you make. We may have a laugh, we may get serious, we may take the piss but we are here.

Good luck Lou - stay strong

Ponders, apologies for reporting your post. Think it makes sense for all supportive posters to review their posts and ask for them to be withdrawn if they feel on balance they may be upsetting to Lou. We go not wish this thread to cease being an emotional place of safety.

Porto - when were you made Sheriff of all posts on Mumsnet?

Porto enough's enough. Please leave this thread for good and don't return to 'contribute' to future threads. The majority of your posts have been inflamatory and, sometimes, accusatory and almost always unhelpful.

Lou is going through hell and is drawing great strength from these threads and she has made it clear that your opinions are not helping.

Please for Lou's sake leave it be now.

Best of luck Lou thinking of you.

Lou just wanted to send big hugs, stay strong sweetheart.

Portofino your behaviour is becoming seriously distressing can you please say nothing if you have nothing positive or supportive to say.

But Porto, why do you care so much? Just leave it if you're so pissed off. You're just not helping.

Hello Lou,
You survived a traumatic and draining day. I really hope you get some good sleep.

You are a really intelligent and grounded person and have come through so much already. We all know you will continue to make good decisions and we are all here to listen to your Chuntney rants, your latest dairylea / veggie sausage n beans craze and any other thoughts you have.

Porto is being unhelpful and lets just ignore her. You are right that she is questioning and nit-picking. One good thing out of her posts is that you showed some of your "feck off" attitude. Keep hold of that. You have guts and we are in awe of your strength.

You have time to speak to a counsellor, don't feel pressurised or that time is running out. It isn't.

Of course you want to speak to Chutney. And if you decide to do that then definitely have someone with you to support you. A good friend will do that without question. I would and I don't even know you.

I even had beans and sausages for ma tea in honour of you.