His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

"I'd like to pickle his balls??"

Lou doesn't need remorse. She DOES need to find out what Chuntney's intentions are though. He is paying the mortgage, the bills etc. Lou NEEDS to find out what is happening. She needs to know what he is planning to do and make plans to protect herself/

I seem to remember that you said that you were in Derby area at some point. This is the link to NHS primary care mental health services in Derby. I would not expect them to be able to see you quickly but I expect that they can signpost you to charities in the area that might be able to help if you want to see a counsellor. You can self refer.
www.derbypts.co.uk/services/
If I got that all wrong, google "IAPT service" in your area and you should find your local service.

Also, if you go onto the BACP find a therapist service you can find a private therapist/counsellor who is in your area and can specify "pregnancy related issues" in the reason for therapy.
www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists

I don't know what you decided about the joint counselling session that he booked. If you are thinking about going I would definitely call the agency first and explain the circumstances, that he left without telling you, that he has returned to take items from the house that he deems to be his with no discussion, that he refuses to tell you where he is living, that you and another woman are pregnant. They may well say that a session is not suitable in this case and may also be able to advise you on seeing someone alone. Or, if they think a session still appropriate, they should explain their rationale to you.

Wishing you well for all of this. I by the way am mostly in agreement with Portofino. I think the humour on this thread is great, however, as I posted way back when, take your time, the script is already leaning towards him wanting to use you as a prop for his problematic relationship with OW that is based on lies. Such a self-entitled man is likely expecting you to be there for him, as you have been for so long, hiding your light under a bushel. So many people have offered to help you, from family to neighbours to strangers. That you are pregnant to him is painful, that you are free of him seems cause for celebration. Wherever he is living and whoever he is living with, there will likely always be lies, scandal and intrigue in his life, detaching from it now is a start for the future.

Lou, I don't have anything useful to add but I'm thinking of you and know you'll make the right choice for you.

Be very kind to yourself.

Agree Portofino.
However, all of the above can be done via solicitors, if desired.

Re thread title: how about Who Moved My Chutney?

(Business book classic, for those who don't know, Who Moved My Cheese is all about embracing change, the unknown, and the opportunities change brings. Apt!)

Cocky, I know exactly what you mean she is back again and within 2 posts starts. Yawn.

Could everyone please be careful with what is being posting. Lou does not need to read all these posts about a very sensitive subject.

Lou, today must have been so difficult for you. You will make the best decision for you - only you can do that. Keep talking, everyone is here for you.

Porto is right. He is just the type of wanker whoi will just stop paying. My sis's ex did this, had all bills rerouted and she didn't know til there was £££'s of debt.

Lou, that sounds like a difficult experience you had today and my heart goes out to you.

Please don't contact your DH though. We have seen that he has absolutely no compassion or consideration for your needs - all he thinks about is himself. He is irrelevant to what you decide.

Porto, nothing in Chutney's words or actions to date suggests any propensity to tell the truth (except about his own feelings at a given moment) or to be at all helpful. Asking his intentions would be slightly less instructive than asking the garden gate what he's got planned.

Agreed garlic, that's why all should be in writing and through solicitors. But it does need to be done.

Agreed garlic, that's why all should be in writing and through solicitors. But it does need to be done.

Why is Porto getting a kicking again?

Seriously this is bullying behaviour FFS. She hasn't posted ANYTHING other than urging caution and advising Lou to get proper advice

Posting Mexican waves and urging lurkers to post LOVE is great, but it appears that being practical on these threads is viewed with mistrust, sniping and flat out bitchiness.

This is someone's life we're talking about, not some form of entertainment where everyone competes to be the most trite supportive.

Thanks everyone. Just an awful day. It?s my GP I?m mad at. I was told it would be a scan followed by a chat with a fertility counsellor. It was actually an appointment at a termination clinic. So my doctor really screwed up on this one, not necessarily the hospital (although they were disinterested in my TTC story). I was 20 years older than most of the other people in the clinic.

Feels like the first day I?ve really missed him. I know that doesn?t make sense, but it?s so weird knowing the very person I want to talk to is the very person I shouldn?t.

A lot to take in, I?m very tired. Am worried the longer I take the worse the procedure will be, but I?m already at nearly 9 weeks and as the nurse kept saying ?What with the bank holiday etc?,?. My situation seems so surreal. Don?t feel much today at all really.

Mum ringing BPAS for me tomorrow (I?m at work).

CAN EVERYONE STOP FUCKING SPLITTING HAIRS ABOUT WHO SAID WHAT AND GET BACK TO SUPPORTING LOU?

Yes it DOES need to be done. I don't get why she can't speak to him though. I have been divorced. He was a twunt. We sorted out all that was necessary though. Lou hasn't even YET instructed for divorce. I could not cope with a postition where someone was paying for the roof over my head and I had no idea where he was or what he was planning to do. Surely this must be top priority?

Re the next thread, Lou already decided on something along the lines of "I'd have settled for Branston's!"

Are they talking about porto?

Some people are better at handholding/support and others at practical advice. Surely, that's all!

Are they talking about porto?

Some people are better at handholding/support and others at practical advice. Surely, that's all!

Oh I don't know what to say Lou :(

I am going to the solicitors on Thursday. That is being dealt with, ok? This is the first appointment I could get.

Lou, that's fucking awful! Call your cons yourself and complain about your gp.

But you were under the fertility clinic, Lou. You said your appointment was with them. Why did your GP send you to an "abortion clinic"? Is there such a place?

Xpost. I'm glad solicitors are getting sorted. I know its overwhelming.

Lou, you poor, poor thing. When I had a termination I was just in the gynae clinic for the scan, so lots of people there having all sorts of procedures and I didn't feel like we were all there to terminate. I can't imagine how awful that was for you, especially if you haven't made your decision yet.

Please don't listen to those earlier in the thread who said its harder the later you go - if you're at the 12 week stage it's no different (under GA) than at the 8 week stage.

Have you got in touch with your fertility team? Honestly this is the best way forward, and I am astounded that your GP didn't advise you to contact your consultant. Wanker.

Why would he send you there by mistake?