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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

His mother should've swallowed

999 replies

LouP19 · 19/08/2012 21:11

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it. Smile

OP posts:
Mellower · 21/08/2012 20:29

Ah dear what a few weeks you have ahead of you, we are all here for you. He may try come back you know? Have you considered what then/if?

Hope you can get some rest. My sons pizza is burning

ShirleyKnot · 21/08/2012 20:30

I've had horrible things happen to me in my relationships, my ex left me with a 3 year old and a one year old baby with no back door. Literally, a piece of ply board leant up against a hole in the back of the house while he went off with an OW who was my friend If I had found myself to be pregnant then it STILL wouldn't have been rape, and I wouldn't have called rape crisis.

Enough mysterious, now that's enough.

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:31
Biscuit
CockyPants · 21/08/2012 20:33

At risk of being flamed...
But please, people THINK before you post. Some of tonight's post are unnecessary, offensive and distressing, with regard to rape. And will ascertain poster stop trying to shit stir. It's becoming hurtful now.

JustSpiro · 21/08/2012 20:35

FWIW I think mysterious' comment has been misconstrued - we all know how things can come out differently when written down than they would in spoken form.

Either way, we're going off on a tangent again which helps nobody.

mysteriouslady · 21/08/2012 20:35

Yawn at the idea that
A) I'm not suppose to respond to posts aimed directly at me
B) the total dismissal of my experience and how I felt comparisons between the 2
I didn't phone rape crisis about anything - I didn't suggest phoning rape crisis. I am well aware of how under funded rape support services are.

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:36

I agree cocky. V distressing. I don't think anyones shitstirring though, are they?

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:36

I agree cocky. V distressing. I don't think anyones shitstirring though, are they?

Mellower · 21/08/2012 20:36

Erm.. enough about the other subject lets get back to Lou and her problems!

A list would be good.

Bad point of bean
Good points of bean

Free counselling is available to some.

garlicnuts · 21/08/2012 20:37

Oh, Lou, I'm sorry it was even harder than it needed to be :(

I second/third the recommendations to BPAS and ONLY BPAS as they are the only outfit with BAPC accreditation. This means they've had proper counselling training, not single-focused and not scripted (Marie Stopes is scripted, as are many of the others which have agendas). Ringing Mind is also a good suggestion. If you're near a city, they should have decent resources.

I really understand why you want to talk to Chutney about it but, as you know, it's not a good idea. My - er, miscarriage decided to evacuate while I was having a sort-stuff-out meeting with my ex. It was horrrendous. I howled all over him in the car park - which, of course, bonded us and led to even more complexities. Be your own self in this, complete and independent. Virtual hugs from me. x

MadBusLady · 21/08/2012 20:40

Oh Garlic Shock

Also sorry about the Marie Stopes recommend, I was under the impression they were accredited too. Def BPAS then.

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:44

I really think that, given lou's ttc history, calling the fertility clinic and arranging to see their counsellor would be a good idea. You have planned for a child. Waited, and waited. Every month you try to put off your period and will it away. You stare at the blood in your pants, and, for a week or so, have a physical reminder that your body isn't working. You stare at the bfn's hoping that if you look long enough, a line will appear...

And now, you finally have it. But your world is upside down. The clinic will have seen it before and be able to help.

I hope I've not spoken out of turn.

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:44

I really think that, given lou's ttc history, calling the fertility clinic and arranging to see their counsellor would be a good idea. You have planned for a child. Waited, and waited. Every month you try to put off your period and will it away. You stare at the blood in your pants, and, for a week or so, have a physical reminder that your body isn't working. You stare at the bfn's hoping that if you look long enough, a line will appear...

And now, you finally have it. But your world is upside down. The clinic will have seen it before and be able to help.

I hope I've not spoken out of turn.

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:45

Bloody twatphone.

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:45

Bloody twatphone.

Portofino · 21/08/2012 20:49

I think Lou already had an appointment booked with the counsellor though, Lissie. Definitely the best way to go.

Heleninahandcart · 21/08/2012 20:52

Lou, I can't imagine what this must be like for you. Of course it is natural to want to talk to the Chunt, a week or so ago he was your DH. In this case though, there is nothing he could say or do that would make your decision easier. He has done absolutely nothing since he left which shows he has thought of anyone else but himself. He has in fact made things worse for you with every self serving action. I would suggest that you find a BPAS or Marie Stopes counsellor whatever the cost as you need to talk with someone neutral who fully understands the issues.

When you have talked about not continuing the pregnancy it has been very much in terms of not wanting to be tied to the Chunt for years, and fears for the future being single parent. One thing is for certain, we have all seen your strength of character and integrity and although it seems impossible now, there will come a time when you have moved on and have a new happy life whatever you decide to do.

NoWayNoHow · 21/08/2012 20:52

Lou I know how much you must want to throw this day in Chunt's face and try to get some kind of remorse from him, something that shows he's still human.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't contact him.

You won't get what you want. You will get more bullshit, more bombshells, and more unforgivable destruction of your life.

It's not worth putting yourself through all that after what has been such a hard day.

Draw on people in RL for support, and draw on us whilst ignoring those who seem incapable of normal non-bunfight communication for it too, but don't turn to the man who destroyed your reality. He won't be repentant, and you will feel like shit after speaking with him.

Portofino · 21/08/2012 20:52

Lissie, I think you need a new phone, love. You seem to post double all the time!

Heleninahandcart · 21/08/2012 20:54

Just seen the posts about counselling, I assumed wrongly. BPAS all the way then.

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:57

Lou, I hope you're ok lovely. Sorry if I have bombarded you. I forget that I've been mainly lurking Blush

I don't think anyone has been bunfighty though, have they? I am on the twatphone, so as well as double-posting miss loads Wink

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:58

Porto, I know. Dropped the fecker in the bath last week too. I'm lucky it works at all!

lissielou · 21/08/2012 20:58

Porto, I know. Dropped the fecker in the bath last week too. I'm lucky it works at all!

balotelli · 21/08/2012 20:58

On a lighter note,

we need to start thinking of a good title for the next thread as we wind our way up to 1000 again.

LouP has enough on her plate without using valuable brain space for this and the awesome MNers are famed for their wit.

So anyone?