His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

Hope your scan and meeting was helpful this afternoon and wishing you much strength and love for whatever you decide. We're all here if you want to talk.

xx

Go Lou!

GO LOU

GO LOU!!

Go Lou! Lots of warmth and support for you here.

GO LOU

Ah, thanks for all your support, really appreciate it.

The bean is sticking. I have about 3 1/2 weeks to decide. Surgical procedure involving GA. I sat in a clinic full of teenage girls, felt horrified that my life had come to this. And then I felt pressure into making a decision (I likened it to being at the hairdressers when she's opening the calendar and saying she's going on holiday soon so you'd better get in quick). .

I've been given a leaflet about the procedure. I asked for any emergency counselling and was told to go via my GP. Pretty shocking all round I felt.

I actually feel I need to see him/or speak to him and let him know about the afternoon I've had. Whether I'll do this is another thing, but this afternoon felt like another outrage that he has hidden from. I know he offered to come, but strongly suspect that was to confirm whether the pregnancy was genuine. But I feel like I've been left to deal with all the fall out of his behaviour on my own. I wish he'd been there when there were discussing the procedure now,.... at the moment he has hidden from all the consequences of his actions. Well, no he hasn't, he's stuck with the OW and her pregnancy, but not mine.

Oh you poor love. It must have been emotionally draining. Don't speak to him until you've made a decision though - you know he'll only try to manipulate you into doing what he wants.

I doubt if speaking to him would relieve you of any burden. I also doubt if there is anything you can say to him, no magic formula of words, that wold make him feel anything but 100% selfishness or pursue any course of action other than his own interests. I suspect all you would get from him would be at best platitudes and at worst horrible blows in the form of anger or exasperation or words like inconvenient or some sort of blame.

You poor thing. Know exactly what you mean about sitting there with the teenage girls, been there. Take all the time you have to think it through. I understand wanting to dump the emotional fallout on him too...why should he get off so lightly while you're going through this?

Lou, FWIW I dont think you 'owe' him anything.
YOU are the only person that matters here.
I had a termination as when I was 19. At the time I knew it was the right thing, am 42 now, and always wondered 'what if'.
Go with your gut instinct, not what everyone around you thinks you should do..
X

Lou I wish I had words that would comfort you but there are none. You showed enormous strength and courage today, I am, as ever, in awe of you. I suspect you wanted him there so he would perhaps feel what you are feeling but I don't think he would, he's too self absorbed to ever really be Sorry for what he's done. Didn't the doctor say to you previously that they would provide you counselling today?

Well done for getting through it! Doesn't sound like they were particularly hearts and flowers.

Emergency counselling - will your GP pull their finger out about that?

I'm not convinced he would be shocked to a new level of awareness by the whole thing either (and even if he was I would not be encouraged by the fact that it took a person in a white coat explaining a medical procedure to bring his actions home to him) - but then he's been so erratic the last couple of weeks that anything's possible. Your call I think. You've generally made the right ones so far.

If he talk to him he will just try and convince you to have a termination, That wee bean is holding on tight despite all the upheaval in it's life.
Talk your time and decide what's best for you, don't let him fuck with your brain. You have 3 weeks to decide what is best for you
Good luck LouP the weight og MN is behind you whatever YOU AND NOT CHUTNEY Chops decide to do
x

Lou, I've been following your story from the sidelines and wish you all the best. Contact the British Pregnancy Advisory Service. A friend of mine was unsure about having a termination and they were very supportive and helpful - no pressure either way. She got the counselling appointment in a matter of days and could have had more sessions if necessary.

Well done for getting through it. But please don't take too long to decide. Speaking from experience the longer you take the harder it is for many reasons. Having a termination at close to 12 weeks is not pleasant.
I wish you the best.

Yes it's strange they referred you back through your GP and not to BPAS or Marie Stopes actually! I thought that was standard.

Lou (((some very unmumsnetty hugs))), you're bound to feel like you have been through a spin cycle on a washing machine - totally wrung out. I'm sorry the appointment left you feeling very bereft and I would make an appointment with the GP; you're going to need support and advice whatever decision you make.

Chutney Twunt is a coward - a weak, spineless, cheating, lying coward. You deserved to have the love and support of a partner there and I can understand why you want to tell him just what a horrid situation his actions have left you with. He doesn't see or even care what his actions have done though - you may as well shout at a brick wall. Be kind to yourself, lovely and lean on your family and friends xx

Ive been following from the start. I have nothing useful to say.

I just want to give you a big hug

Hope your mum or your friend can stick around if you need them.
This is really tough for you.
Lots of hugs.

Lou, so sorry its been such a harsh day for you but its done now and your options are laid out even though it is rather cold and clinical. You have done so well in the worst circumstances.

This man has created a huge mess and all of this pain for you, please dont look to him to put things right by him saying or doing something to make it better for you. It wont happen

He has more than proven he is incapable of feeling anything for anyone other than himself and i dont think he would share your pain when making this decision. It would be about him.

I hope they arrange counselling for you quickly but from personal experience that can also be more of a process rather than an actual person listening to work your way to a decision.

Tomorrow is another day so small steps forward

LouP forgive me for not being up to speed on your whole situation, I'm a latecomer to your threads - but having spotted the bucket and sponge saga, I just thought I'd share my own experience as it seems that we have a common denominator in our ex's!

Mine demanded that I take up the floorboard in the bedroom (which I had padlocked to prevent him snooping, see below) to retrieve the speaker cables (worth £20) that he has laid there several years previously.

He also emptied the dog toys onto the floor and took the box they were in.

Best of all, he very publicly accused me of having my Mirina coil removed without telling him because there were sanitary products in the bathroom and I hadn't had a period for 10 years (the shock of the split played havoc with my hormones!)

We've been blacklisted by local mediation companies - I've lost count of the number of times we've been but they won't take our case anymore!

Virtual support from me - I'd love to tell you it gets better.....but you will learn how to manage/cope with him as time goes on.

Big, huge hugs. The scan must have felt like a slap in the face in a way, and made the pregnancy more real. I think you need to take extra special care of yourself tonight and just go very gently. Wouldn't be surprised if you wake up feeling particularly vulnerable too. We're all here for you.

Lou, can you afford private counselling through marie stopes or one of the wpmens health providers, BPAS, RElate or even private.

I think you urgently need help to think through your options and decisions, and the GP practice may not help you in time.