His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

Good luck tomorrow Lou , I hope the scan gives you a clear decision , and whatever that is , I hope it makes the coming weeks easier .

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Lou. It's not going to be easy!

And Babylon I think you're great. I'd be very glad to have a friend like you on my side if I were in trouble :)

Can I add a slight note of dissent here?

There are a few posts saying, in essence, Lou should be playing mind games back. And that she should try and draw him into confessing all and things of that nature. I just think that the whole thing is being whipped into a sense of fantasy that isn't helpful. If Lou starts to play games, she loses the moral high ground, and she also antagonisng a man who has pushed her around and is systematically and without feeling stripping the house of everything of value, presumably because he feels entitled to everything in it.

I know the fantasy of, "reel him in and make him tell all then walk away laughing while he cries in a heap on the floor" is wonderfully seductive, and if this was a novel that is exactly what would happen. But it's not what would happen in real life. In real life, as soon as you engage in these games, you lose. It's like trashing the car of an ex or selling it for 1p on eBay - wonderful fantasy but in reality the ex will call the police and have you arrested then you're the one in a mess. Mind games are the same, the conversations are great in your head, but the other party didn't get the script and it all goes horribly wrong.

So I just think Lou should stick to the not engaging, not getting drawn into game playing.

Wishing you well with the day, Lou.

Will we be here in autumn, you asked? Yes we will. You mentioned dark days, well, with dark days come loooong nights. And a new man in your life maybe? if you can stand that thought.
.....I just get the feeling someone is waiting in the wings there

Lou I know you're probably gone to bed now but am hoping that you will log on in the morning as usual. I am sending a massive hug for your afternoon appointment and hope you get all the help, information and support you need to make the best decision for you.

Regardless of whether you continue with the pregnancy, please know you have do many people here wishing only love, light and happiness for you. We will be here as long as you need us.

I think you will find that Lou and Babylon have also had pm's Porto. As long as you have had your share though to keep you feeling important. Of course people have different opinions - some agree and some disagree, that is what makes MN - it would be very boring if everyone had the same opinion. Don you not also think that people may be put off posting on what is meant to be a thread for Lou because they see you trying to derail it and turn support into a bun fight?

I am not sure how many times you need to urge caution? The people you are urging it to are not interested or in agreement, but you keep harping on and on. Like I said, it is very tiresome at best. Now you have urged your caution (once again) can you leave the thread and allow Lou to receive whatever support she wants and take in any of the advice she decides to use? Or are you going to carry on picking fights with everyone who disagrees with you?

If your intentions were genuine and you wanted to express your opinion to Lou and tell her to be cautious, then you would've done that. Once. But you have continued to argue with anybody who disagrees with you and it looks very much like you are now just posting to iritate people or stir up discontent.

Hopefuly the thread can get back to what it is here for - to support Lou

Can I just add one very real concern that I have about the PI business. If, as I suspect, this goes to divorce court and chutney gets a good lawyer who gets wind of this thread they will make absolute mincemeat of her in court. This thread would be admissable as evidence.

Things look very black and white for most normal people but that is not how it works in a court of law where results are often governed by which party comes out looking better. Not common sense. I know you said that chutney doesn't use MN but you have no idea whether the pregnant OW might be using it, recognise the situation and report back. I have no doubt that would open a massive Pandora's box.

Lou, I beg you - if you and Babylon are going to continue with trying to trace him could I suggest that you keep the correspondence in PM form.

Can you not use his work address for correspondence ? It's the only one you know for certain so you could easily justify it.

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow, Lou. Put all the thoughts of stbx aside and concentrate on the immediate matter in hand - and I hope the counselling session will help you in making your decision. Whatever you decide, you know you have a heap of support here, and also in RL too.

Good luck with the locks too. And big hurrah to your mum for staying at yours whilst you're having the scan.

Sleep well in your comfy posh sheets

and that MNHQ wiped all references to the activity from the thread. I know this would make a lot of it a bit bizarre to understand but that would be better than Lou's actual real life being disadvantaged.

I have seen plenty of court cases fold because of witnesses, jurors etc posting stupid stuff on facebook/myspace/twitter etc and internet forums are no different.

Sorry to pour a bit of cold water on things but I do think it needs to be said.

I arrive back to the thread in bafflement.
All this talk of what Lou shouldn't be encouraged to do.
Weeeeeell. Let us look at the evidence.
Twatney Chuntney Cuntney has given Lou good grounds to fight, spit, hiss and poison his chutney. She has done none of the above.
I know we are all joking about revenge/ decapitation but we are all in awe of Lou's level headed behaviour. She has not put a foot wrong IMHO.

The infighting is a waste of time. She won't poison his chutney or have his teaspoons cursed by a gypsy more's the pity

Good luck tomorrow Lou. Hope your Chutney swigging bullshit merchant keeps well away.
I bid you good night.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow lou, I'm glad you have a friend to support you. I can't imagine how you're coping with this whirlwind of constant information, new surprises and disappointment. I'll be thinking of you. x

It's not a braying mob. It's a lot of people disgusted by a mans actions (I mean, he has been quite impossibly fucking AWFUL)

Lets just try and support Lou? (personally I am looking at monogrammed teaspoons and trying to work out if I can afford to send her some)

You'll read this when you wake up Lou, and I hope you'll know that people really really care. You have been treated shittily. unmumsnetty hugs

Will someone please enlighten me re bucket and sponge?
I missed that bit....
All the best, Lou. Que sera, sera x

Cocky Lou wanted to wash her car do went to garage to get bucket and sponge.....

They too went the way of the chutney and teaspoons it would seem

Oh ffs. I have no desire to feel important. Same can't be said for some posters on here. OhDearNigel puts it very well that dodgy advice and activities could very well put Lou in a bad legal position later on. But, hey, don't let that stop you giving bad advice and using the thread as personal entertainment. Yes, it is ALL about Lou, not about YOU and your dodgy hypotheses and speculation. It really shocks me how naive some posters are. As I keep saying. Lou needs decent legal advice.

Delurking to say good luck for tomorrow. I hope everything goes as well as possible... You've been amazingly strong.

Portofino, I'm sure Lou and everyone here at MUMSNET appreciates your concern. But you are beginning to sound like a broken record. Your posts are doing little but antagonising others, including Lou. So please, unless you have anything new to add, drop it.

Lou is getting decent legal advice, and is coming here for relief, venting and support

Jesus Portofino. What IS your point? Fuck off? You are becoming very very annoying and making yourself look a bit of a dick.

Arf @ Portofino claiming that she hasn't tried to belittle/attack other posters.

I keep repeating myself too. Please just ignore and dont engage and there will be no arguments on here.

Most of us are here to support Lou and that includes having a laugh as Lou has retained a good sense of humour through all this.

Lou has a difficult day tomorrow snd needs to wake up to support not fighting.

So Please dont respond, don't argue, just ignore for Lous sake everybody.

Portofino, I think you will find that Lou has had legal advice.

OhDearNigel did put it very well - she came on and explained, she didn't continuously go on like you have. She also hasn't called people hysterical, stalkers, naive etc. If you have been here a long time you will know that these are personal attacks and not in the spirit of MN.

Yes, it is ALL about Lou, not about YOU and your dodgy hypotheses and speculation
It is all about Lou, correct. You and only YOU are trying to make this thread all about you. You want people to listen to you and they are not, so why on earth are you still here saying the same thing over and over again.

Nobody is naive, Lou is taking in whatever she wants to. Some she will ignore no doubt and some she will listen to.

Lou has a massively tough day ahead of her tomorrow - can you not just respect that and leave the thread alone and allow her to receive the support she is getting from the people on this thread? Or does it all have to be about YOU and YOUR comments?

As you can see, nobody is interested anymore. You have 'urged people to be cautious' enough times now.

Best of luck for tomorrow Lou. Sorry, I can't really add any more but I don't have any advice to offer. You are in a crap situation and handling it a lot better than I would!

Lou- another delurker here, posting to wish you all the best for tomorrow. I hope you're able to come to a decision that is right for you - regardless of what your appalling husband has done and said.

I'm in awe of how you've dealt with this horrendous situation.