His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Hope everything goes well.

Your gut instincts have been pretty reliable so far. Trust yourself.

So glad you'll have a good friend with you. Best of luck, hope things become clearer.

I hope that tomorrow goes well for you Lou. Glad you've got a friend to support you.

I seem to have missed some info, re the counselling appointment.

Is this someone who you can talk to about your options and feelings about the baby? I hope so, and I hope that you can make a decision soon that feels right for you.

Have a big unmumsnetty hug. x One day this shit heap of a situation will be remembered only as the beginning of a new happy era in your life. One with no Chutney in it.

Dear Lou,

It's less than three weeks (I just looked it up) since your world was turned upside down and you first posted. Look how far you have come since then. You seem to be so much stronger - you have coped, for example, with this thread kicking off just now much more strongly than you would have done a week or so ago.

You still have time. As you yourself say, it may not be a decision that you are called upon to make. A scan and a subsequent talk about termination options is a difficult combination, but the discussion is information, nothing more. Is your friend going to be there at the discussion - it may help to remind you afterwards exactly what is said as you may not be in a position to take in or remember all the information. You will then have weeks to think about it. One step at a time.

I shall be thinking of you and hope the appointment goes well.

I think you're right not to take your mum, Lou. I think it would be impossible for her not to be conflicted. No decisions tomorrow, but a very hard day nonetheless.

Pooka, Portfimo's posts have stood out because she has attacked individual posters. It was suggested on the last thread that she should offer her individual, personal advice and then step back.

Portfino continues to belittle and berate those she disagrees with. That is not in the spirit of MN.

She also has gone over the top in describing Babylon's behaviour as stalking. It is not stalking. And it doesn't matter how many times Portfino calls Babylon a stalker, it doesn't make her one.

I think yhe chutney has become a sort of symbol of the whole thing because on the first thread Lou posted in dismay that he'd been through the house and half-stripped it, even gone through the kitchen cupboards and taken all the foods he considered "his". So I think it was clear from day 1 that he had (or felt he had) some kind of prior claim over the chutney. I am not surprised to hear he is a fan of it.

It could have been the cutlery that became the symbol of the whole thing, but it happened to be the chutney. It doesn't represent something he removed that he shouldn't have, it represents the act of waving your wife off to work as if nothing's wrong, waving the removal van in down the drive, and going through the kitchen cupboards. The contrast of the blubbering emotional text message she got that day with the cold, calculated act of leaving, as represented by carefully removing foodstuffs.

It's a symbolic signifier style of fing.

You're being very sensible not to bring your mum Lou, and I think she will understand that in the long run.

I wish you the absolute best for tomorrow, you've been through so much already it makes me feel a rush of sorrow that you have to go through this under such circumstances. I wish you the calm that you need to know your own heart, is the only way I can put it. And if you need to take time off from the thread, I am sure that everyone will understand. This is your life, after all.

Big good vibes to you.

The chutney is emblematic.

Or just what Tribpot said using about 40,000 less words.

Wishing you clarity either way tomorrow, Lou. xx

Good luck for tomorrow, Lou. Will be thinking about you.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow Lou. Should hopefully be standing on a mountain top when you have your scan! I hope the answer does come to you without pressure... If you want to talk, as with so many on here, please pm if you want to.

sadwidow - I have attacked no individual posters at any point. I have pointed out that mnetters should not follow the husbands of people off the internet as that could be dangerous to them. I have said to Lou that she must be mad to consider this as a plan of action due to the inherent dangers. I have said that some people have become too personally involved and are inventing scenarios rather than going on the facts as stated by Lou.

Its good that he has his chutney.

When he is old and alone because he has shat all over his various partners, he will still have his beloved chutney collection to keep him company.

Thank you everyone. Yes, I'm going to ask the friend to come into the 'discussion' part so both of us can absorb what I need to know. The irony is (and there's loads in all this) I've waited 3 years to get to this stage. And I never ever thought it'd be like this. I keep telling myself that if I do miscarry it's my body making the decision for me,......

Goodnight xx

Actually the PhD student stuff isn't unfounded either. Very early on IIRC Lou remembered her brother had seen her "D"H out and about with another woman sometime last year, and on it being mentioned he said "Oh that's just one of the PhD students." So the possibility of his being in regular contact with them (and OW actually being one of them) was established quite early.

I merely summarised the position, MadBusLady, in agreement with you :)

It is an emblem of what a low-down turd this man is - he took literally everything he could think of down to some half-eaten jars of chutney. From this the legend of the Chuntney was born - a man so low he couldn't even buy his own friggin pickle.

I don't think this is hysterical but a light-hearted response to this incredibly difficult situation. It is not intended as a sober deconstruction of the state of a relationship in which one party seeks sole custody of the condiments.

Night Lou, hope you sleep well.

Hi I'm a serial lurker (hard to break the habit) but I just wanted to say how great you are doing , Lou. Keep up the humour, keep taking one day at a time, keep the upper hand and keep your dignity! You've done so well so far.

I understand Porto's and others concerns. They are worried you may cause yourself legal problems by tailing the ex. On the other hand it may give you some kind of peace to know where he is keeping all your teaspoons.. Just don't get carried away. I like this quote "Live well. It is the greatest revenge."

You said you were worried about how you will deal with things later, when winter comes and it all sinks in. I'm sure I speak for many of your thread-followers when I say we will be here for you as long as you need us and longer..
I'm looking forward to the book release when this is all over. When you've replaced your tools and radios, when you've met a wonderful man who deserves you, and the Chutney-robbing fool has realised what a huge mistake he made in leaving you

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. I hope you receive the information and support you need to make the best decision for you. Will be thinking of you

stalk the fucker, throw poisoned chutney at his head, gather 100 angry mnetters to beat him with teaspoons and pelt him with sponges & buckets

phew, needed to get that out!!

Good luck tomorrow & love the new thread title

Also de-lurking to send my best wishes for tomorrow. I have read all your threads and cannot believe what an arse chutney is and how strong you have been throughout this.

As for Portofino...words fail me. Yes we get that you dont agree and wanted to warn of the dangers, I actualy agreed with some of that. But you have gone on, and on, and on. Infact you have only posted on here to keep saying the same thing. You have given your thoughts on it and people don't agree with you, more importantly Lou and Babylon don't agree with you, so move on. Or is that the problem, you don't like it that everyone hasn't fawned all over you and agreed? Give it a rest, it is very boring now and not nice to keep derailing the threads with the same thing.

Another lurker here, found you by your brilliant thread name.

I hope everything goes well tomorrow and you get enough information to make an informed decision, based on what YOU and no one else wants.

I remember going for an emergency scan at 6 wks pg and I was terrified, so I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

I can't offer any advice on the other thing (ha) though other than what an unbelievable twunt, and you are truly an amazing woman.

Sleep well x

Hi Lou, as always I have nothing practical to add but I will be thinking about you tomorrow. You'll know the right decision to make. xx