His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

Khalm down, khalm down :scouseattempt:

Portofino clearly means well and is clearly genuinely concerned, and I must say I do take her point - can you imagine if Twutney got wind of some Internetz Conspiracy to track him down?

Thankfully though both BabylonPI and in most particular Lou herself seem eminently sensible, and I am sure will not carry this beyond sensibleness (if that is a word).

MadBusLady we have a few different vehicles to go at between us

I think ability to block users would lad to very one-sided advice in cases like this. Obviously if someone were trolling/racist/spouting filth then they can be reported to mumsnet hq.

In this case portofino is simply advising caution. She has done nothing wrong and the venom of the posters anti her measured responses says more about them than about her advice. IMO.

Yes Lou best of luck tomorrow & I hope it helps clarify things for you & helps you come to the right decision for you & your future. Much love.

Hopkinette, I honestly don't think this is a thrilling soap opera and I still thought Portofino was (and is) being a bit OTT. The whole "I am the big strong truth-teller and this is all an unfolding disaster" schtick is just as much about drama as the "poison his chutney! follow his car" stuff.

Perhaps we all need to calm down a wee bit.

Just leave the hovercraft at home. It does drw attention to you.

(I would take the recent 'scared' texts with a pinch of salt. They could be a smokescreen to hide well planned activity, either a distraction from the possibility that he will show up at the scan or from some legal manoeuver he is pressing on with, or maybe another break in. Or they could be pure projection - telling her he is feeling what he assumes she is feeling. Things are not always as they seem so better to focus on actions and not words, and plan your own actions regardless of his words.)

I have actually agreed with some of Portofino's advice.

Its the deliberate attempts to belittle/provoke/attack other posters that have pissed me off.

It's still you in a pattern of behaviour though, Babylon, whether or not he finds out. I think I personally would start to find that morally dicky because it would start to fit the definition of stalking that has (thus far wrongly) been applied by Portofino. A one-off attempt, I wouldn't, because it doesn't.

Pooka - Trust me, the block function generally only got used after a long running feud between two or more posters.

You could see they had posted, you just couldn't see the content of the posts.

You had to be seriously fed up before you resorted to blocking them.

What Rowanhart said.

More than anything I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I can only imagine how nervous you must be and wish you strength over the upcoming days whilst you are faced with a decision you never could have imagined you would be faced with

It's called another human being who is in an extremely vulnerable position right now 'fucking mad' that pushed me over the edge. Sorry

I agree if you think someone is in danger you say, once. Then let them make their minds up.

For those of you who have wished me luck for tomorrow, thank you. I'm dreading it. The scan will also be followed by a discussion about my termination options, if I choose to go down that avenue. I'm putting it to the back of the mind and hoping that when I get there I'll get a gut feeling about what to do. I have about 4 weeks to decide,..... I have also miscarried at this stage before, so I'm still not that optimistic that I'll get to make the choice. We'll see.

Oh Lou what a horrible decision to have to make

Good luck chuck x

Ooh. Just come back after putting my beasties to bed and have had my very first ever deleted post in the 7 years I've been on here .

Sorry MNHQ

Babylon - glad to know the squeaky bikers will ride again!
Lou - best of luck for tomorrow. Is it a morning or afternoon appt?

I was the poster who said that I had followed my BF's sister's husband who turned out to be a bigamist.

My DH (a Senior Police Officer) took me out and gave me lessons in how to follow someone safely. I was advised by DH that as long as I did not engage with him, nor prevent him from going about his daily business then I was NOT in breach of any law. I was also reminded that I couldn't breach any Road Traffic Act (go through a red light, park on double yellow lines etc). It is not stalking Portfino.

Sadly, for all of us, the unearthing of a bigmist marriage meant that the 'balloon went up' for all of us. My DH couldn't ignore the knowledge of a criminal act - it had to reported. But my BF's sister was allowed to report it at a station of her own choosing, at a time she defined (when BF could accompany her), with lots of professional support on hand. As it happened, both the wife and the 2nd 'wife' chose to report the matter together.

Best of luck LouP. Think you are wise to trust your gut. Will you have someone with you? (Sorry, I forget).

"One day at a time" might have to be downgraded to "one hour at a time", I think! At least, one way or another, by the end of tomorrow you'll know more than you do now, and that is going to be progress.

BabylonPI you and your DH sound like a cross between Magnum and Rogue Traders

You should be proud of yourself for what you did. Must admit if I lived nearer I would have happily joined in.

The Chunt needs to know that the world is against him. Get into his sick little chutney infested mind and fuck with it.

He sounds like he is becoming unhinged anyway so if we can push him that little bit further all the better. It worked brilliantly when my exDW left me for my mate. then he left her for her best friend. What goes around comes around. You all get what you deserve in life and he will get his.

Can I just say, I am not trying to provoke or belittle anyone. I think some posters have got too heavily involved in this on a personal level - and stalking is WAY too far. That is ALL i have ever said on these threads. There are two sides to every story and yet I see poster after poster inventing stuff that is not backed up by anything Lou said. Even his job - I have seen posts imagining how difficult it is to not get involved with the students as an academic, when Lou has posted that he works in Business Development ie sales, nothing to do with Phd students. Even the chutney hysteria is unfounded when Lou says she doesn.t like chutney - so of course he took it. He would not think she wanted it.

It goes on and on - the imaginings of his motivation - when she has not discussed anything at all with him. I apologise Lou, but as I said all along, you need proper legal advice, not hysteria.

Appointment in the afternoon. A good friend is taking me. My Mum really wants to go, but I need a bit of distance there. I think she's a bit upset, but I just don't want any pressure (not that she would, but still).

But what if there are a hundred posters saying something once and one poster saying the contrary once? The one's advice is going to get completely lost in the general roar of the many. I don't thnk portofino has been posting seem message evey 5 mins or remotely excessively. But maybe her posts have stood out simply because she has counselled against the following home when every one else seemed pro.

Sorry you didn't find him tonight, BabylonPI.
FWIW, I'm not imagining you & DH screeching round moonlight streets as Chutney executes handbrake turns across the central reservation. Fun as that would be. It seems fairly likely there's a steady stream of traffic heading out of a university to the residential areas every weekday evening. Seeing the same couple on two different days, should one even notice, would mean absolutely nothing. Better luck next time, and enjoy your mission

I do hope things go as smoothly as they can for you tomorrow, Lou. Sleep well in your new sheets.