Ex - H just attacked me

[Hidinginthewoods]

I can't get hold of my BestFriend & had to call my DD's boyfriend to find my DD or BF
am on my own , 2 DS's upstairs aslepp.
Rang police- he's been arrested for drink driving
rang ambulance
cant stop shaking

thankyou for the hugs, very,very gratefully felt and received.

I'm shaking like a leaf, a car revved outside when I was in the bathroom and I dropped to the floor. when he drove off last nite I thought he was going to deliberately crash into my house, I dont even know why I thought it, I didnt really get that he was leaving i think

DD is cooking us all a fry-up ?!? I've had a bath and just waiting to hear back from police re further photos and if he's been charged. I dont know what else to do

perfectstorm the police talked to my daughter about the 'by proxy' as in if he contacts her about me he has history of doing this - previous threats

I hadnt thought it could be coming via in-laws as well

so much to think about now, DS's were due at his tonight for the weekend & IL's go away on hol on Monday

Christ, he threatened suicide to your 17 year old daughter and now she's come back to this. Not your fault at all OP but she's had a year no 17 year old should ever have to endure. Please ensure you use all means at your disposal to protect her - as well as yourself and your boys - from any repeat performance.

I don't think there's anything you need to do now; are you waiting to hear from the police before you go to get checked over medically?

I'd imagine the local gossip mill is aware at least of his drink driving arrest last night but if it isn't, I would make sure your neighbours know at minimum that there is a police situation. This is for your protection and to ensure people keep an eye out for you / alert the police if they see his car near your house.

The police say you are a high risk DV case. Sorry if they have already talked about this with you and/or you have raised it, but what are they putting in place to ensure your and your children's safety should he get bail? He doesn't sound like he is a rational or moderate individual and this final evidence of your moving outside his control may trigger him, I'm sure you know that. The police need to tell you what they can do to help keep you and the kids safe.

Please, please also call Women's Aid as other posters have suggested. I'm not trying to scare you, but the most dangerous time for women in abusive relationships is when they leave, because the control is broken and the abuser can be capable of almost anything to regain it. There IS help out there and you deserve every scrap of it. They may even suggest to stay elsewhere for a while if he is on bail. From what you say I'm not sure a restraining order/bail conditions will control him much.

I'm so very sorry too that he was drunk driving and there was a RTA, but in all honesty it is probably just as well purely from what is in your best interests (not for one second saying it isn't awful for the people affected by his other criminal actions, but I am focusing right now on you and your kids). Because a judge is going to look at his potential to cause future harm, and the risk to the population at large as well as you in particular.

The police may want to come out to take photos of the bruising that's now coming out, too, if you mention that to them. It's additional evidence. They did that when my DH was badly beaten in a street robbery.

This must all seem so surreal and like it can't be happening at all. I'm so sorry and am so glad you have people who love you around.

Don't think I can add anything different to what others have said, but after reading this thread I couldn't simply click something else without replying.

BIG hugs to you. Awful just isnt a strong enough word for what you've been through.

At least he's in the police's hands now.

Sounds like you have fantastic support from your BF and DD - although big hugs to them too, I know they are going through the shock of all it.

Hugs, love and prayers to you xxxx

So sorry to hear this has happened to you Hiding. I'm another MNer with a narcissistic sociopath of an XP, with a child with AS sending hugs and support.

You've been given good advice - Women's Aid for support/counselling, do not talk or respond to MIL/XP's family or XP, hopefully the Police will have him good and proper for the assault, RTA and Drink Driving.

Protecting yourself and DC most important now - have someone stay with you 24/7 or can you all go somewhere else? I know it is hard to completely ignore XP and remove him from your life and your children's, but it will be the best thing for everyone if you can do that.

For those that say DC need their father - not these type they don't. My DS with AS has blossomed immeasurably since not seeing his DF and ignores all his communications. I do the same and it has changed our lives for the better. Counselling has helped DS through the transition period too - it would be worth discussing and getting support for your DC given what has happened and it will help them to handle it.

You might want to take more photos as your bruising comes out too for evidence. But Arnica cream is a great off-the-shelf product from Boots or other good chemists that will help them heal up quicker.

So sad and angry that another of these PD types has managed to get this far and do this to you and your family.

MIL just rang and my DD has told her I shouldn't be speaking to them, she got cross and said well am I 'allowed' to talk to you? (DD), she said ofcourse, dad didnt beat me up

she wanted to come to mine but I know she'll minimise it and probably tell me my injuries arent too bad or some such.

I cant remember if I'm meant to go to have photos taken, I remember police telling me the time it's done but not if I was meant to turn up or wait till they let me know if he's been charged.

Will they let me know if they let him go?
He'll come here if they do
tho his car is abandoned in a lay-by in next village

I really want my Mum & Dad right now

I am so sorry Hiding.

Ex-MIL sounds a nightmare. Just what you don't need right now. Keep up the battle with her. She will give up eventually (probably when she turns against you)

I know you want your mum and dad right now but do you have a sibling, cousin or friend you could call? I guess dd could do with the support too.

I think it would be worthwhile calling the police - did they leave a card? and asking them what is going on with ex and the photos etc. I imagine all of last night is a bit of a blur.

Absolutely do not allow your MIL to come to your house. You need a quiet day with only your dc and closest friends around you. And I would reiterate the basic line from the police about not allowing proxy contact from him.

I think you need to phone the non-emergency number for your police station and check with the police if they are expecting you or were going to call. Likewise what will happen when he is released and what you should do. Can someone stay with you tonight? I don't like the idea of you and your 3 dc being there alone. Where are your parents? I've checked back through your posts but apologies if I've missed the one where you say.

Apologies, Hidinginthewoods, I see from your previous thread that you've lost both your parents to cancer :( I'm so sorry for your loss.

thanks mcmooncup I've rung my Dsis who I wouldnt usually ask for help, but shes coming over to take my DS's out for a bit. She'd only left an hour before last night so was upset she hadnt been here for me

I'll ring police station as I'm feeling worse now than earlier, everything hurts, huge handfuls of my hair came out when i brushed it, I cant believe he hit me , that he was trying to kill me.

He really snapped, I'm hoping they commit him TBH

Yes - the adrenaline will be wearing off and the extent of your injuries will become more clear, Hidinginthewoods. The adrenaline crash could also make you feel very depressed - not that I imagine you are feeling overly happy about things anyway! - but just so you are aware that if you start feeling worse both mentally and physically, this is normal. Horrific, but normal. Emphatically you do not need a MIL with - at best - a conflict of loyalties around you.

tribpot my parents died within 6 months of each other last year, both had cancer
that's when ex really upped the anti re controlling us all and started his affair.

This is my lovely home that was a new start for me and the DC's, I feel its been violated now. He'd rarely come here and it was just so lovely having that freedom from him since we moved here 6months ago

He tried to kill me in my pretty girls only sitting room that DD and I had prettified as therapy (DS's have the other room as their play-room and we only jokingly seggregate the sexes between us as there's only so much fireman sam/Thomas us girls can watch)

Phone the police and ask them what is happening with XP and what should be done about photographs. Have you anyone with you that can take some now so you have them on record now?

I suggest you re-iterate to police that he will come straight to yours if/when he is released and you can't have that happening.

Please tell your DD to not get into conversation with MIL and certainly not to have her turn up.

Like mcmooncup says, have you got someone locally who you can confide in and will come and sit with you? Friend, neighbour?

I would imagine that these events aren't unconnected, Hidinginthewoods. He chose the time when you were incredibly vulnerable to increase his abuse. He chose to violate the privacy and safety of your new home to increase his abuse. My guess is he took the bottle but not his glasses because he knew he had at least intended to use it as a weapon. He knew what he doing.

Fortunately the police can clearly see what a risk he poses and I hope will be able to help you stay safe.

If he's granted bail it would be a condition of bail that he would have restrictions placed on him contacting you, i.e he wouldn't be able to contact you. If he breaches his bail conditions then you only need to phone the police and he will be arrested again.

Hiding,
So sorry for you and your family having such an awful experience. I hope they remand him, I think they should.
Can you ringthe police station just ask them,About the photos ? if you've forgotten the detail it's not surprising, they will understand.

Nothing to add just a ((hug))

I would say to his mum, "Look, I know you mean well but you're his mum and it's natural you won't be able to think badly of him. I need some time to recover now so it's best we don't talk for a while. I'll be in touch in a bit."

Oh my dear. Hugs from me too.

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry hat you are going through this, Hiding. No one should have to deal with violence in their life. I was crying reading what happened to you. I guess it reminded me of my childhood where I was living with violence growing up. Please don't ever talk to his man again. He can take his fucking meds and overdose on them. The fucking wanker. you will all be better off.

Take care and big hugs to you.

Hiding can your DD take some pictures of you now as the bruises develop?

I second arnica if your sis can get some while she's out, also pure Lavender oil is good for aches & pains & promotes skin healing I used it on DD1 las year when she came off her bike downhill & scraped her face. Not a scar thanks to twice daily lavender in a cream base.

Not the most important thing on your mind but hope that helps.

I've unilaterally decided the Nest of Vipers may be against hugging as a routine thing but there are times when it is OK (((Hiding)))

I would call the police and ask the answers to your questions: who tells you if he is released on bail, what arrangements will they be making to keep you safe should that happen, and so on. You can't be in a situation where you don't know, it's essential that you do. I'm afraid I agree that he is likely to visit as soon as released.

Your MIL is going to try to harass you into reducing or even removing your statement. Again, talk to the police. Your DD sounds magnificent, I do have to say. You obviously raised her well, so well done you.

You also need to ask the police about the photos - when the app't is etc. I'm sorry to say this but if it is not police logged evidence he may try to argue that the photos were of someone else, from another time, or even self-inflicted, and while I very much doubt any judge would ever give that argument the time of day it's still best to make it all official.

Mention the hair etc at the checkup. You do sound like you need checking over, the police were right.

You poor girl. I send more big hugs and and . And can I just say, how rare it is for women to be this strong over leaving and staying resolute? Because it is so, so HARD. You are seriously inspirational.

Women's Aid will also really fight your corner for you, and supply all the support you and your kids need. Maybe call them, too?

Hugs to you. You sound horribly shocked

I agree Hiding about upping the ante after loss of parents (esp. df), my ex did exactly the same. It's pathetic and really very sinister.

I am so sorry about your injuries, but you sound like you are doing so well mentally. You may never have to see this excuse of a man again. I do hope so.

Did you speak to the police? He's in a whole pile of stinking shit with them