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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex - H just attacked me

389 replies

Hidinginthewoods · 17/08/2012 23:31

I can't get hold of my BestFriend & had to call my DD's boyfriend to find my DD or BF
am on my own , 2 DS's upstairs aslepp.
Rang police- he's been arrested for drink driving
rang ambulance
cant stop shaking

OP posts:
Naoko · 18/08/2012 04:43

Oh hiding I don't know what to say to you but it's half past 4 in the morning and I just wanted you to know there's someone reading. You've been so brave to call the police on him and tell them you want to press charges, that must have been hard but it was the right thing to do for you and your dc. I hope you're physically ok, what did the ambulance people say?

I don't know what you should do now, hopefully someone wiser than me will come along with advice, but you and your dc will be ok because you sound so strong and caring. Hang in there.

ladyWordy · 18/08/2012 04:53

You and your family's safety come first, Hiding.
The right words will come. The point is to be safe.
I hope your pain is lessening. What an appalling ordeal for you. Like naoko I wanted you to know there's someone reading.....

ChasedByBees · 18/08/2012 04:57

How old are your DSs? I would probably tell them done version of the truth that they can understand but I dont have experience of this. Well done for calling the police, you've been so brave.

ChasedByBees · 18/08/2012 04:58

Done = some

Babylon1 · 18/08/2012 06:19

Hi, just checking in to see how you are doing Hiding.

I'm appalled by what I have read. Your x sounds like a truly vile man and your DCs will be better without his influence.

Stay angry and strong.

Longtalljosie · 18/08/2012 06:33

How old are your DSs? Tell them the most age-appropriate version of the truth.

tribpot · 18/08/2012 08:13

Hiding, how are you feeling this morning? Did the paramedics want you to go to hospital? Make sure you are getting plenty of fluids if you don't feel up to eating.

Can anyone come in and help you today? I'm sure if you want to give your location an MNer would be happy to pop by or get some shopping in for you or something to make this day less awful. Hopefully your friend is coming back to help you manage the day.

If you do find the bottle now in the daylight, make sure you don't touch it as it could be evidence. I think he may have taken it with him because he knew this even in his state.

Today you don't need to do anything or decide anything long term. You just need to walk through the steps the police need, get appropriate medical treatment and then stay safe. It's hard to give advice on what you say to your kids, esp without knowing their approximate ages, but you could phone Women's Aid for advice. I would just say that Daddy lost his temper and hit you and because that's wrong the police have taken him away for now. If they want to know if he will go to prison I think you should probably say you don't know, it's for the police to decide but that won't be decided for a long time yet.

I hope you are getting some RL support, this is a truly shocking thing to have happened.

ImperialBlether · 18/08/2012 09:01

How awful. You must have been terrified. What did you do with your children when the police came? Could you avoid them hearing things? I'm so glad they're going to prosecute anyway. What a bastard your ex is.

Mama1980 · 18/08/2012 09:04

Just seen this thread. How are you this morning? Sending strength and support xxx

boredandrestless · 18/08/2012 09:08

How terrifying for you!

He has had a real night of it hasn't he! Hmm I hope he didn't harm anyone in the RTA as well as harming you. Sad

Your boys will no doubt be shaken by the sight of your injuries and prob wouldn't want to see him for a while anyway. It may be they could see him somewhere safe and supervised in the future but right now it's important you are all safe isn't it.

What's the situation with you both living so closely in a remote area? Can the police help you with this? They may be able to fit a panic button or something, and you will be able to get some sort of restraining / non molestation order I'm sure.

I'm so sorry OP, try to rest up today and be kind to yourself. Painkillers and warm drinks. Can write the special day out on your calendar for in a few weeks time maybe? Will make you all feel that it hasn't been cancelled forever and would be something to look forward to?

Original poster
Hidinginthewoods · 18/08/2012 10:42

The phone just woke me up - can't stop my heart racing.

It was my (Ex) MiL, he'd rung her this morning from cells and asked her to ring me and make sure I was ok and to say sorry Angry WTF ???

I probably said too much to her, was still half asleep and woke up in a huge panic, my DD & her BF are here being angels, my eldest DS keeps gawping at me but hasn't asked anything yet, I'm sore, bruised, swollen but luckily he fights like a girl - hair pulling, scratching first.
It doesnt matter how hard he hit me though does it... he's crossed a line and I wont be able to EVER trust him again.

Tribpot paramedic stayed whilst police were here, I'm recovering from an operation and due to BP/pulse rate & temp showing very high he wants me to go today and get checked out; police said to not touch bottle, ring them and they'd bag it.

imperialblether luckily we'd had a (lovely) busy day with family visiting and the boys were wiped out, stifling hot here so they had their fan on, didnt hear a thing - so they know nothing for now, if he's charged I think they'll need to know but are very young to be taking any of this in.

boredandrestless I cried when police said about the RTA, that's the reason I rang them because he shouldn't be driving drunk, he could've hurt/killed someone Sad We live in a tiny cluster of villages, know everyone for miles around, it could've been 1 of my DS's parents he hit.

Thankyou all for your support, the shock is making it all seem a bit surreal

OP posts:
glastocat · 18/08/2012 11:13

My god how terrifying for you! Take it easy today as much as you can, have a nice takeaway for tea, try to relax if you can,get your daughter to look after you. You are safe now at least.

skyebluesapphire · 18/08/2012 11:14

I hope you are ok and I'm glad he's being prosecuted .

Look after yourself and your kids. Make sure you get an injunction so he can't come near you.

Kirsty240287 · 18/08/2012 11:16

How awful, I'm glad the boys didn't see any of it tho. He sounds vile, thank god he's the ex! Take care hiding x

Original poster
Hidinginthewoods · 18/08/2012 11:19

I cant believe he hit me

cant stop shaking, I got really panicky in bed and couldnt sleep til 5am kept hearing noises
i've never been hit before, DD just chkd me over, I've got similar shaped bruises up both arms so I must've blocked a few punches.

Oh shit, what a mess

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 18/08/2012 11:20

Have you told your DS what happened? Probably best to tell them in age-appropriate way so that they know.

Your ex-MIL, however, you should stop listening to/speaking to. If she is making herself your violent ex's messenger (in order to get you to toe their line), she is no good for you.

Well done on deciding to press charges.

PissyDust · 18/08/2012 11:22

Is there anyone that Can look after the DC for you to rest today?

I've sent you a PM.

Original poster
Hidinginthewoods · 18/08/2012 11:36

My DD (18) is in charge but she was on a nite out last night so a bit hung-over and still in shock herself.

MiL started off ok, how sorry, she hates him, only worried about her GC's and me... but then started asking Questions that made me feel she was accusing me of triggering him

Police were going to press charges anyway they said, but I chkd with my BF,DD and they said it's gone too far and DD pleaded with me to do it.

I haven't told my DS's, youngest is 5 and eldest is 13 but he's AS (severe) so wont know how/what to say to me (he's watching Fireman sam )

OP posts:
Offred · 18/08/2012 11:46

I think you should tell the mother in law not to contact you about him, also you should tell the police that she did.

seaofyou · 18/08/2012 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 18/08/2012 11:53

It won't be PTSD as the event is very recent, it could be described perhaps as acute stress disorder. Womens aid is a good suggestion!

seaofyou · 18/08/2012 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 18/08/2012 12:01

No, it isn't overreacting, it is just that you can't have PTSD straight away after an event it is a description rather than an illness as is acute stress disorder. Acute stress is what you have in the immediate aftermath and PTSD is what you have if those symptoms of stress and maladjustment continue seriously affecting you after the immediate recovery period.

seaofyou · 18/08/2012 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 18/08/2012 12:10

I'd tell the police your MIL has done that, definitely, as they can then include her in the order that your ex is not to contact you, as he is doing so via proxy.

If I were you, if she calls again before that I would say that the police have said you aren't allowed to talk to her, then just hang up. Warn the police you'll blame them first, but it does give you a good excuse not to talk to her. And she is not going to be on your side; she needs to rationalise the drunkenness and violence to stay sane, I would think.

This is all so awful. You are being incredibly brave. I think if you do tell your kids that Daddy was very naughty and hit Mummy and the police don't let people do that so he isn't allowed to see any of you for a while until he is behaving better, that might be best? It's what I would do. There is no way you can lie about something this huge, so better an age-appropriately phrased truth than it's some immense family secret. It will be more shocking if they learn it when older. Small kids tend to just accept things very matter-of-factly if told them in a supported way. They'll take their cues from you.

I am so, so sorry. This is a horrendous situation to be in. I'm glad the police are being so helpful at this point and that your DD and BF are so great with it all. Keep posting for support, there are so many women here who have been through this and know exactly what to advise. MN can be stellar when people are in real need.

I don't care if this gets me drummed out of MN, I am sending you a hug anyway.