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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex - H just attacked me

389 replies

Hidinginthewoods · 17/08/2012 23:31

I can't get hold of my BestFriend & had to call my DD's boyfriend to find my DD or BF
am on my own , 2 DS's upstairs aslepp.
Rang police- he's been arrested for drink driving
rang ambulance
cant stop shaking

OP posts:
kasbah72 · 25/09/2012 11:20

Delurking to say I hope today goes well and that you are having a great trip.

izzyizin · 25/09/2012 17:05

I'm hoping that justice is duly meted out to him today, Hiding, albeit that the only true justice would be for his attack on you not to have happened.

perfectstorm · 27/09/2012 14:37

Since I imagine you are back, or will be soon, I just wanted to say I hope things are going okay, and you had a wonderful, relaxing break.

Rowanhart · 27/09/2012 23:34

Hope you are okay.

Original poster
Hidinginthewoods · 29/09/2012 23:33

Thankyou xx

Took awhile to be informed of sentencing outcome Sad
For assault on me ex-h got 16hours comm service & 1 years probation.

no injunction, Pc that called me felt for me but I have had to accept the sentence & try to move on.

We all had an amazing holiday together, thankyou for all your kind words & advice.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 29/09/2012 23:56

They sure threw the book at him, didn't they? Hmm But at least it's not a conditional sentence which his dm would have been able to turn into vindication of his appalling attack on you.

What did he get for his RTA and drunk driving?

It's shameful that you should have to think about this, but I would suggest you give consideration to applying for a non-molestation Order.

All you can do is move on, Hiding - and I have no doubt that you will be able to put this behind you.

In the meantime I'm pleased to learn that you had a great holiday and hope that this news didn't destroy all of the benefits you derived from your break.

perfectstorm · 30/09/2012 00:10

If you had been a stranger on the street he'd have got more. Which is all kinds of fucked up, if you don't mind the language (sometimes it's the only word to fit!). Angry

Glad you had a lovely holiday, and I hope things carry on well for you and your lovely children. You've been so courageous through all this, and I really hope things continue to be positive.

Also hope your solicitor can get some structures in place to ensure you are not harassed moving forwards.

Hope you have a lovely rest of the weekend. xxx

seaofyou · 30/09/2012 00:13

i am gutted for you, the injustice esp the injunction not granted

Get as much support for you now Hiding! WA do fab counselling and I think you know about Freedom Programme.

I hope your ex H is suffering emotionally longer than 16 hours for this and at least for the next year!

izzyizin · 30/09/2012 01:05

If Hiding had been a stranger he may have got 100 hours cs to go with his year's probation, ps, and he may have been ordered to make reparation to his victim which I very much doubt was requested by the CPS appointed counsel for the prosecution, much as I doubt that any request was made for a restraining order against him.

It's beyond shameful - it's always been shocking that crimes against property can result in severer sentences than crimes against the person.

perfectstorm · 30/09/2012 01:14

My husband was beaten up by 4 strangers in the street, along with 4 other victims in the same night. The sentences ranged from 5 years to 30 months, and the 30 months went to someone who was a young offender at the time, which obviously meant the sentence was far shorter.

izzyizin · 30/09/2012 01:35

The gang which set about your dh will be released/have been released after serving half of the length of the sentences that were handed down less any time they spent on remand in custody, ps.

Had they received the same sentence for each of the offences they committed against 4 other strangers on that night and had they been required to serve those sentences consecutively, their victims may be left some sense that justice had been seen to done.

perfectstorm · 30/09/2012 01:55

I know that, Izzy - I think everyone knows that only half a sentence is actually served, and I did also take a paper on sentencing law at university, too. But actually I was very happy with those sentences, which were more than any of us expected them to get. They did something horrendous, but they were all very young, I think the oldest was 23, and I don't think spending their entire youth in jail would be right, either. I would be amazed if any of them actually did turn their lives around, but then again they've all been out for 3 years and only one has reoffended (or been caught, anyway) and he was done for smashing up property, not another person.

I just fail to see why an attack on someone in their own home, with whom they have been in an intimate relationship, is regarded as less serious an offence. That should attract a mandatory jail term IMO, even if the minimum is set as low as 3 months, and it is appalling that it doesn't.

perfectstorm · 30/09/2012 02:04

Sorry: all been out for more than a year, not three years. It happened just over 4 years ago now.

Rowanhart · 30/09/2012 08:53

Perfectstorm I'd be happy with those sentences. I was beaten up by a gang off girls (strangers) when I was 14. There's been long term damage to my neck and shoulder and the swelling on the brain (they took turns to jump,on my head) causes mild dyspraxia and some memory issues.

They got community service and a fine. Sad

Lueji · 30/09/2012 09:46

Hiding,

I'd think the year's probation was almost the same as an injunction.
Any other crimes and he'll have to serve that sentence, in addition to others.
Hopefully it will act as a deterrent.

In that time he's likely to calm down, possibly better than jail, which might leave him angrier in the end.
And you had mostly material damages.

I hope he is better in future and you can relax.

perfectstorm · 30/09/2012 18:07

Rowan that's horrible. I'm sorry - was this a while ago now? I do think attitudes to violent assault are slowly shifting. Though if they were the same age, then that might also explain the sentencing - there is a (sadly justifiable) fear that sending kids to YOIs just makes them worse, so if possible they like to avoid that. The youngest was not quite 18 when he attacked my husband, 18 when sentenced, and he had a record. The others were all adults, albeit young. It does make a difference to how the crimes are seen.

We were really lucky in that the judge we got is known to be brutal in sentencing. I've been a bit taken aback by some of his sentencing in non-violent crime, in all honesty, as he seems very keen on jailing people when there is no public protection argument at all, but as soon as we were told who was hearing this case I did a little dance. I was 6 months pregnant when DS was attacked, and as there were head injuries it could have been very bad indeed. Knowing they were in prison for the first part of my son's life was very comforting indeed.

Wish Hiding's magistrates had been of his mindset. Sad

Rowanhart · 30/09/2012 18:45

Yeah it is a long time ago now. God 17 years! It's really weird because never really think about it. Had post traumatic stress disorder afterwards and eventually I just blocked it out.

But last year I trapped a nerve in my neck and they said there was long term tissue and muscle damage.

I was having deep tissue massage and acupuncture which really hurt and the woman asked what had caused such damage. Suddenly I burst in to tears and came home inconsolable. As I'd barely mentioned it to DH he was really shocked at my reaction and the fact I was so upset.

I think it was just being in pain and then talking about it at the same time brought out some kind of primal reaction. Plus deep tissue on your neck can release hormones apparently.

The ranged in age from 15-19. I'm sure they have thoroughly miserable lives though. Mum saw one in the local paper who'd been arrested for mugging old ladies about ten years ago. I'm not a believer that young people can't be rehabilitated and I don't think prison would have been necessarily the right thing. But I do think there needs to be some form of punishment for young people which actually effects them. A fine is invariably paid by parents.

perfectstorm · 30/09/2012 20:35

I'm really sorry, Rowan. That's terrible, and it didn't teach them anything helpful either. This is not the place to get into various approaches to youth offending but I think there is a middle way between jail and a slap on the wrist.

Hiding, hope you have had a lovely weekend and have a good week coming up. xx

GoldenSeptember · 01/10/2012 23:25

I am Shock and Angry at such a pathetic fucking sentence Hiding. Sad

Original poster
Hidinginthewoods · 03/10/2012 13:58

Aargh !!! Received written sentencing report today - Ex got 80 hours comm service!

I blame the worst phone connection on the planet for my miss-hearing (phone not working at all now)

Somehow receiving it writing made me feel a bit calmer...
time to move on (if Ex & IL's let me)

Sorry to unintentionally mis-lead Blush

OP posts:
izzyizin · 03/10/2012 14:07

1 year's probation and 80 hours community service for assaulting you. I hope he is required to discharge his debt to society in a place which is frequented by your exMIL's neighbours Grin

Have you been told what he got for the RTA and the drink/driving offence?

perfectstorm · 03/10/2012 16:54

It's still crappy, but at least it's a couple of weeks of fulltime work - a mere 16 hours he'd hardly notice (I bet the mistake was by the person telling you, not your hearing it - they may have muddled you with another case). And I suppose in many ways the fact it is logged as a conviction is important of itself - it means the judge in any family proceedings, as well as the CAFCASS officer, will know you are being truthful.

Good luck going forwards Hiding. I am still so lost in admiration for your courage and dignity. I hope you have some nice treats planned for yourself over the next couple of months. xx

Original poster
Hidinginthewoods · 03/10/2012 18:11

(small) fine & 17month ban, & court costs for both driving offences.
Community order supervised by the probation service for 12 months.

Child contact to be resolved & divorce going through.

Thankyou all for your help/advice & insight.
I don't expect it to get any easier just yet but I feel strong enough to deal with the future now.(& copious amounts of legal paperwork).

OP posts:
Original poster
hidinginthewoods · 17/08/2013 23:55

Well a whole year has passed since I unfortunately had the need to post.

I can't thank everyone enough for their helpful advice ( MN at it's best Thanks ) I read my thread every now & then as I have no re-collection of the actual events of last year, and the expert help on here I got is incredible.

My solicitor was also an amazing lady & I received my Decree Absolute in April. Smile

My DS's see Ex when he is available, he's never been back to my house, he doesn't exist in-between contact.

I refuse to be defined by what happened last year & this is my final thick black line drawn under it all.

Thankyou so much to all the posters & especially to Izzyizin for this -

take it one step and one day at a time, honey, and know that however long it may take all will be well in your world again

All's well in my world Thanks

OP posts:
delilahlilah · 18/08/2013 00:16

Good to hear you are doing well. I remember your thread. Enjoy your life without him Flowers

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