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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I weird to love being alone so much

312 replies

BlissfulSolitude · 17/08/2012 13:46

Mid 50s divorcee here, mum of DD aged 14 who want sot know this: is it strange, after years of trying to come to terms with who I am and what I need, to have concluded that I'm happiest doing things on my own (apart from being with close family that is). I have a great relationship with DD and adore my cat and dog but find being around people incredibly wearing and love nothing better than to be at home reading, thinking, writing, listening to music and pottering. I have a small handful of dear friends but can go months without seeing them, enjoy my work and get on well with most of my colleagues but find the incessant small talk unbearable. People seem to find me engaging and like my company but I just don't seem to want the same level of human involvement as they do, although I quite like being amongst people if I don't have to talk much. After years of being in unsatisfactory relationships, I'm not interested in finding a man.

All my life I've tried to move out of my comfort zone and become more of an extravert (I feel society puts a lot of pressure on us to be outgoing) and had to use alcohol and drugs to do this; doing anything social involved getting hammered and turned me into the life and soul of the party. But my drinking inevitably got out of control, I got into a lot of trouble and now I'm contentedly abstinent. Without drink I just can't face the thought of socialising but I don't really care if I never go to another party again. I've grown to accept that I'm an introvert and would love to stop beating myself up about not seeing friends enough or engaging in activities that don't centre on the life of the mind. But I wonder if this is healthy and whether I'm unusual and would really welcome some opinions. Thanks.

OP posts:
3kidsand4cats · 17/08/2012 20:17

i am so pleased that i am not alone in loving my solitude. i think a lot of it is due to being an only child, and spending many hours alone, often with my nose in a book. i still love my books. i enjoy my friends and family company of course, but i always heave a sigh of relief when i'm alone. bliss. i can't imagine living with a partner again, i think it'll be me and the roses and my lovely cats....and the kids visiting often. that would suit me down to the ground. sometimes i feel panicky if there are too many people around, and i can't wait to escape. thought it was just me. have a peaceful weekend everyone x

molepom · 17/08/2012 20:20

Talking to strangers = no problem, really enjoy it and find it interesting

Lights = not too bright, love candle light, bright lights and summer sun gives me a head ache.

Autumn = OH my god yes! THe light, the smells, the atmosphere, the air, the colours, the food, the anticipation of the long dark nights with a book...I love autumn and winter. LOVE THEM. I love the colour of the sky just before a rain storm, the pressure in the air gives me a headache though but the smell afterwards is well worth it. Can anyone else smell rain or snow on the way/in the air?

solidgoldbrass · 17/08/2012 20:26

I think there have always been different types of people ie those who like to be alone, those who have to have someone around and those who want to be permanently in the midst of a crowd. I also think that different types have been valued more or less at different times, for a variety of reasons - for instance, a few decades back a solitary sort of person was often percieved as 'clever' or 'special' or 'doing important work' rather than chivvied and harassed. Just like it used to be (at least in the UK) a virtue to be able to go about your business without weeping and howling and 'sharing your feelings' and now the opposite is true.

It seems to me that these days being 'different' is a lot less tolerated; if you don't conform to what's supposed to be correct behaviour (passive, consumerist, needing external validation, heteromonogamous or at least monogamous and unable to function without couplehood, emotionally incontinent and more concerned with 'celebrities' than your friends and neighbours) you are supposed to submit yourself to drugging or brainwashing until you do, and the window of 'normal' is getting smaller and smaller.

molepom · 17/08/2012 20:28

I couldn't agree with you more SGB. (again)

molepom · 17/08/2012 20:32

Am Grin at the idea of us all meeting up....we'd just sit there drinking coffee or tea and reading our own seperate books. Only speaking to say "hello, I'm ...." "goodbye" and "pass the sugar please".

milkteef · 17/08/2012 21:00

What exactly is an introvert? I've always thought of myself as an extrovert as I'm quite loud in social situations (with alcohol) but I love my alone time in a bubble bath with a mug of coffee and a good book. I can go for days without talking to anyone that isn't my DP or DC's and I don't really like socialising for more than an hour or so before I get bored and want to go home. Don't get me wrong, I can have a good time when out with people and there's some alcohol for confidence but people have this idea of me that I'm ballsy and very confident when it's really all put on.

3kidsand4cats · 17/08/2012 21:07

yes, I can always smell snow in the air! i too love the autumn, the nights pulling in and the chilly crisp mornings. i love winter too. i remember once we were snowed in, and everyone was moaning, and i was in my element - just loved the whiteness and stillness and the thought that everything was just suspended for a while.

solidgoldbrass · 17/08/2012 21:09

Nah, meet-up would need to be in a strict 50-50 ratio with gregarious extroverts with manners so we can take turns in belting off outside for a fag moment of grounding self without depriving the others of our company if they are not having an 'I need space' moment that coincides with ours...

This is maybe one of the reasons I don't want to give up smoking, actually - being able to escape 'for a fag' when what I actually want is headspace.

FellatioNelson · 17/08/2012 21:19

I always thought I was an extrovert when I was younger (I talk a lot) but I realised as I got older that I am most definitely not - in fact I hate drawing attention to myself, which is bizarre for a talker. I did that Big Personality Test thing on the internet after the Robert Winston programme a couple of years ago and I came out as low on extroversion and high on Neuroticism, which is sort of the opposite of what people think when they meet me - I am all chatty and easy-going, but really I am just wittering to mask awkward silences and insecurities. Grin

I am very self-contained in many ways and I can spend way too much time alone. I like it, but I know it is probably not good for me in the end. I love to mix with people but I hate clingy, demanding friends - they make me feel trapped and irritable, and I REALLY hate to be dependent on others. I rarely phone or text friends for no reason, just to see how they are - only ever to arrange to meet them, or to discuss something specific. I get bored with most people pretty easily as well. I sometimes think it's a wonder I have an friends at all. Confused

milkteef · 17/08/2012 21:29

Fellatio I am scarily similar!

YusMilady · 17/08/2012 21:31

milkteef I've always understood an introvert to be someone who 'recharges' on their own, and an extrovert to be someone who recharges in company. Oliver Burkemann is very good on this. If you NEED to be 'alone in nature every day' then you're an introvert, no matter how loud, or confident you are. I'm another introvert who loves public speaking, performing, and teaching. I think there are a lot of us about!

BlissfulSolitude · 17/08/2012 21:32

Well goodnight all, like the true introvert that I am I'm off to bed with my kindle, the dog and a real sense of excitement at knowing that I'm far from weird and as Katie says there seem to be lots of "us". How I've loved reading all your posts and recognising so much of myself in them!

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 17/08/2012 21:36

The best definition I have read is that introversion/extroversion is about where you draw your strength and feel at your most genuine, Extroverts get it from being with people, introverts don't. It's still possible to be an introvert and enjoy talking to people and be good at it. I'm the most easygoing chatty person in the world when I can be arsed, but I am definitely losing energy through doing it rather than gaining. Likewise there are extroverts who have no empathy or social skills at all (they are the loud and sometimes boorish/obnoxious types everyone tries to avoid). So I think the definitions in common use (extroverts havd social skills, introverts don't) are slightly missing the point.

MadBusLady · 17/08/2012 21:38

Ah x-posts. Must havd been Burkeman where I got that.

Happy reading Blissful Smile

sl34 · 17/08/2012 22:04

I can not stand being in big groups of people and only have 1 very close friend. I find a lot of people hard work and genuinely have nothing in common, i don't like partying, clubbing or drinking and am very homely at the age of 30 so although i am not a loner i would rather be with one person who i have lots in common than a group of people. I find groups make me anxious and i have a short attention span too lol. I am neither extrovert or introvert just somewhere in between. I could NEVER live on my own though as my own company would drive me mad. I think very few people really do enjoy being on their own but are becuase they haven't met the right company or partner and is better to be on your own than with people who bore you to death and make you unhappy.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 17/08/2012 22:31

I find that with family gatherings, etc, that I have to be part of, I completely zone out. I can be at my mums, group with all the family there, so very comfortable, but I'll feel the need to have 10 mins with a magazine , or whatever I can get my hands on, to recharge before heading back in.

I'm another who comes across as an extrovert- not shy at all, very much in charge of most situations, been told I'm a 'natural leader'. But I'm in my element by myself. My dream holiday would be a week by myself, in Italy or similar, where I have no-one to please. I would take 10-12 books, do a little bit of sightseeing, and have a nap every day.

BlissfulSolitude · 18/08/2012 08:41

Madbus it really does seem that extraverts and introverts are wired differently (according to Susan Cain amongst others). Extraverts are reward-oriented and introverts aren't, extraverts take risks in order to get rewards whereas introverts are more cautious. it's almost as simple as that. I know for example that I'm almost pathalogically risk-averse financially (although most definitely not tight-fisted), whereas business leaders (in banks for example) tend to be headed up by extraverts. This isn't always a good thing though, maybe if there'd been a few more introverts at the helm we wouldn't have had the banking crash that precipitated the economic down-turn; a few introverts gently recommending caution might have been a good thing.

I'm finding this endlessly fascinating, at last I can start to be proud of my introverted nature and learn from and talk with others who understand. I'm taking the dog for a walk shortly and will hopefully meet up with a group of other dog owners and have a bit of a chat. I'm very comfortable with that, we have a shared love and the talk is all about the dogs and then we can all go home and read (just joking, I don't read ALL the time you know!)

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 18/08/2012 08:49

I think you sound fine. I like both-I love being out and seeing friends but I like nothing better than to have the house to myself and absolute silence-everyone going out all day is bliss!

boredandrestless · 18/08/2012 09:40

I feel like I've come home on this thread!

I hate nights out, do the begrudgingly getting ready that molepom does, and the sneaking off for 'space' time out. Especially if it's a night out wandering round pubs, I just don't get it, I'd rather be at home with a cuppa or a glass of wine. If it's a meal out I'm a little more tolerant but have very little drive for going out socialising. I've noticed if I meet up with friends or family after 2 hours I'm thinking that I've had enough.

I hate small talk (I don't care, just shush!) and constant wittering (my mum sees filling those nice quiet moments as a personal challenge and just talks non stop).

I'm quite a direct person with a dark sense of humour, I think people do like me, but they probbly think I am stand offish or shy, when I just prefer to keep to myself.

I live alone with my son and sometimes even his company is a bit much for me as much as I love him!

The lights thing is interesting - I come home from supermarkets feeling sick and head achey and I suspect it is the giant flourescent strip lights that do it. I do most of my shopping online now.

BlissfulSolitude · 18/08/2012 09:57

Waves to bored, you remind me of me! I'm very direct also, to a fault in some would say but that doesn't bother me now. Live alone with one child too and it goes without saying that I love her to bits but it suits me that she goes to stay with her dad quite a lot.

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 18/08/2012 10:08

There's a big Tescos near me I can't use because it's got a sort of mottled floor and it's just too chaotic to have in my vision, I keep being afraid I'll fall over!

And yes, love autumn light, and I usually get a headache the day before a thunderstorm.

webweaverToo · 18/08/2012 10:29

Haha how funny that my first ever post on Mumsnet should be about this subject.

The best definition of extraverts/introverts I've seen is about the different ways in which we gain/lose energy. Extraverts become more energised by being with, and interacting with, other people. Introverts are the opposite. Social interaction drains us of energy, and we get to a point (at a party, say) where it all becomes too much and we have to leave.

I spent many years being "the extravert" in my family (everyone else being most definitely introverted) - I think it was as a result of that sibling thing where you and your sister somehow feel that the roles you play, your characteristics and the things you are interested in have to be different. So one of you is the pretty one, the other is the clever one, one is the loud one, the other is the quiet one, and so on.

I didn't realise for years and years that my sociable, outgoing, out-there persona wasn't exactly me - and that for a lot of the time I was faking it. I ended up being a teacher which, for me, was probably one of the worst jobs I could have chosen. I was teaching 5-8 year-olds and the level of social interaction I had to do every day was enormous. It was like I was performing on stage for 6 hours a day, and it completely exhausted me. Each day I'd get home and I'd literally be unable to even speak to my flatmates because I was so drained of energy. I was a teacher for 3 years, and by the time I left to go travelling I had almost lost myself entirely.

It was a few years after that, that I started reading about personality types (I did the Myers-Briggs test for work at some point) and realised that, according to that test anyway, I was most definitely an introvert. Once I figured that out, an awful lot of things about my life just seemed to fall into place, and I understood myself a lot better.

These days I'm self-employed doing a geeky job I love, and I do a lot of work from home, which is just brilliant. I need that solitary space in order to think, and in order to concentrate on and do my work well. When I'm "in the zone" working, hours can pass without me realising - and this, I think, is one of the wonderful things about introverts. We can do creative, logical, detailed, BRILLIANT work because we are able to focus and concentrate and get in the zone and get heaps done. Yay for us!

I know that my iPod and my headphones are most definitely my friends when I'm doing contract work for clients in their offices. I find it horribly difficult to concentrate with other people around me in an open-plan office, all chatting and moving around and interrupting me - so at least if I have my headphones on I can block them out and - hopefully - they can see that I'm concentrating and would rather not be disturbed.

I'm not shy - I'm good at public speaking, I generally gravitate towards taking leadership in a group (oddly enough), but when we're actually doing work in a group, I most definitely need to go off by myself and think/work through things alone - once we've worked out together who's going to be responsible for what.

At parties I find pacing myself is the way to go. I generally don't even go to parties unless I know I'm going to know a lot of people there - I just can't bear the smalltalk thing with people I don't know. For those parties I do go to, I generally arrive early so that I can settle myself into the environment and just talk to the few people that are also there early - I dread turning up to a party that's in full swing and having to somehow shoehorn myself into whatever's happening.

I'm another one who uses the "fag break" as a time-out mechanism. I can last quite a bit longer at a party if I've been able to have breaks outside for a quiet smoke at various intervals. I also now recognise the moment when I've had enough. Rather than trying to stick it out and carry on (and be miserable/uncomfortable/wishing I was anywhere but here) I acknowledge that I've reached saturation point, and I leave. Simple.

Yay. It's nice to have a chat with other introverts. We do live in an extravert-focused world, but it most definitely doesn't mean that we should re-arrange ourselves in order to fit in. Quite the opposite in fact.

Two nice quotes to finish:

"Introverts are like a rechargeable battery. They need to stop expending energy and rest in order to recharge. Extroverts are like solar panels that need the sun to recharge. Extroverts need to be out and about to refuel." Marti Olsen Laney

"Depending on which bit of research you accept, the proportion of introverts to extroverts in the general population has been estimated as: about 25%; or, just under 50%; or, "a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population." Heh. I like that last one." Me, in a blog post I wrote about being an introvert :)

siblingrivalry · 18/08/2012 11:20

This thread has made me feel so relieved. I have spent most of my life trying to be more of an extrovert, because I felt that I seemed boring or odd otherwise.

But it never felt right-I have always struggled at parties and gatherings and start to feel drained and irritable after a short while. It's just too much effort to keep conversations going and it wears me out.

I have a small group of friends and I love spending time with them 1:1 or in a small group, but I dread 'get-togethers'.

I am so happy being alone at home, with a book or doing some sewing;etc-and like so many of you I LOVE autumn and winter, because then I have an excuse to close the curtains and just stay at home.

I am determind to stop thinking there is something wrong with me and to embrace the fact that it's good to be different.
Thanks for this thread OP- it has come at a very good time Smile

milkteef · 18/08/2012 11:41

I use the fag break too. Sometimes when the children are occupied I'll sneak by the back door for a cigarette and a cup of coffee. I like the alone time. I also like cleaning the house because everyone leaves me alone when I'm doing something productive.

molepom · 18/08/2012 13:03

Thanks to this thread I've finally realised who I am...it's only taken 31 years! lol.

This morning I woke up after posting on and reading this thread the night before and I felt (corny but it's true) at peace almost. Like everything made sense, I knew who I was, what I need and why. I don't know if "at peace" is too much but I certainly felt a whole lot better about myself and my quirks which others thought of as odd or weird.

I'm another one who can't stand small talk, I can't see the point of it and who is also very blunt (some will go as far to say as rude), if you've got something to say, say it, dont beat around the bush or try to sugar coat it, again, it seem pointless to me and irritates me.

I'm so glad that someone up thread mentioned this....the needing to be away from the kids and patterened flooring! I thought it was just me!

I love my mates but I'm another who can only be around them for a certain length of time before I have to make my excuses. 4 -5 hours at the most, and that's if they are quieter than usual. Drunk and loud, it's 2 hours at the most and I WILL LEAVE.

Who said their ipod was their best friend? MINE TOO! I've worn my first one out I've used it so much but can't afford to replace it.