Am I weird to love being alone so much

[BlissfulSolitude]

Mid 50s divorcee here, mum of DD aged 14 who want sot know this: is it strange, after years of trying to come to terms with who I am and what I need, to have concluded that I'm happiest doing things on my own (apart from being with close family that is). I have a great relationship with DD and adore my cat and dog but find being around people incredibly wearing and love nothing better than to be at home reading, thinking, writing, listening to music and pottering. I have a small handful of dear friends but can go months without seeing them, enjoy my work and get on well with most of my colleagues but find the incessant small talk unbearable. People seem to find me engaging and like my company but I just don't seem to want the same level of human involvement as they do, although I quite like being amongst people if I don't have to talk much. After years of being in unsatisfactory relationships, I'm not interested in finding a man.

All my life I've tried to move out of my comfort zone and become more of an extravert (I feel society puts a lot of pressure on us to be outgoing) and had to use alcohol and drugs to do this; doing anything social involved getting hammered and turned me into the life and soul of the party. But my drinking inevitably got out of control, I got into a lot of trouble and now I'm contentedly abstinent. Without drink I just can't face the thought of socialising but I don't really care if I never go to another party again. I've grown to accept that I'm an introvert and would love to stop beating myself up about not seeing friends enough or engaging in activities that don't centre on the life of the mind. But I wonder if this is healthy and whether I'm unusual and would really welcome some opinions. Thanks.

Nothing wrong with enjoying being alone, I am married in my late 40's with dd's 14 and 19 and I absolutely love staying home and 'potterin' whenever Friday at work rolls round and people say "what you up to the weekend" I never know what to say as fear I may sound really boring, but a blissful weekend for me would be close the door on Friday and not go out till Monday morn, with good food/wine. If I am by myself even better, so a weekend with DH working and girls out/sleepin out ..bliss, and the older I get the more I enjoy being alone its very therapeutic and the only time I can really think and plan things.

I often think I must be someone who's happier alone. I am in the middle of my divorce and have been alone for a year (with my two children - who regularly see their dad). I love my little house, my garden, pottering about, listening to radio 4, surfing MN! I miss my children when they're not here, but I am so much happier now than when I was married. (My relationship was not pleasant though, and pretty horrific by the end, so maybe some of the happiness is due to the extreme peace of my life now compared to before, and the fact that I had very little to do with decisions about how we lived before, so choosing everything about the way I live now has been incredible!)

I'm not sure I will ever want to compromise my life by ever living with someone again. I think I am getting more and more addicted to the peace and independence!

I do like to see friends of course, but often don't go out socially (my choice) for a few weeks apart from the odd coffee!

Likeatonneofbricks, what do you mean advertising?

I love my own space too but I suspect that is in direct consequence of how drained I am after a day at work. I don't drink alcohol so find being around those who do to excess a bit tricky.I would much rather chill out at home than go on a night out, for example

My bedroom is my quiet place. I like to curl up on my fab bed with a blankie and a book, or just dream and think. Only thing is that DH has started to crave peace recently and has somewhat invaded my space..... but he isn't too noisy

I have lots of good friends who know what I'm like and love me anyway, so all is good. My mum is exactly the same.

I could kiss you OP for posting that, and other MNers' who have responded. So much makes more sense now.

Crowds/people, loud noises, bullshit, going out, loud people, needing to be on my own, entire weeks on your own - happily!, lack of alcohol, not bothered about going out, cant handle going anywhere with anyone more than once a week (and that's not every week) and I'm drained.....and yet...the constant pressure of having to go out, make myself enjoy it, love being around people and listening to them, being called and seen as hard faced, not social, boring, indecisive, ignorant, weird, sad, when nothing could be further from the truth and yet, knowing that there's nothing wrong with it but are being told almost everyday that there is something not quite right with you.

I bloody love being on my own and crave it most days. There are times on nights out where I've had to nip outside on the pretence of going to the bank or the shop just get my own space for 5 mintues before joining everyone again. The mere thought of getting ready and going out with a load of people annyoys me and puts me in a frame of mind where I almost dread it and then end up with a headache to top it all off.

Thank you OP for this thread.
I have always felt odd and slightly neurotic having these traits ..the exhaustion after having lunch out .......the startle reflex to noise ........the excuses to avoid socialising and parties . All make you wonder why am I so out of tune with what makes most people happy and is a treat ? So yes low self esteem .
I love silence and nature and classic FM .......Ah the pottering .

Will look up the books recommended .thank you
Do you have companion animals peeps ? they dont sap the soul I find .
We are to coin the phrase :the cat that walks by herself.

Can I kiss you back molepom? And donotsquander for this whenever Friday at work rolls round and people say "what you up to the weekend" I never know what to say. But hey, I was asked that question not an hour ago and I simply replied "I'm having a quiet one with DD and really looking forward to it." If only they knew that was the epitome of a great weekend virtually every weekend :)

Glasto and Likeatonne, I worked in an ad agency (not quite as glamorous as Mad Men but lots of similarities, including the amount of drinking that went on during work-time). Mumsy I totally agree that at the moment I have DD around (some of the time) and that when she goes it'll be different. I have thought about it a lot but have this kind of "golden dream" of when I'm older which is me re-locating to somewhere a bit more rural (live in a town at the moment) with plenty of room for the dog and a small but perfectly-formed character property to make my own. My environment is incredibly important to me, I can spend ages just looking at things in a room and noticing how the light falls on a piece of furniture and am very susceptible to atmosphere (I have a feeling some of you will know what I'm talking about). I'd like DD to come and visit me regularly though and would hope to make a friend or two to have tea and scones with. Having said that, I absolutely adore loud dance music so don't know where that fits in with my "quiet" persona. I guess no-one's straightforward and that we all have different strands to our characters.

I'm really gratified at all the responses, I never imagined so many of you would understand where I was coming from.

Basset the pleasure's all mine :)

As for companion animals, I couldn't agree with you more, they enrich the soul and expect very little (apart from cuddles/food/exercise) and give so much back in return.

Haha, the last thing I said to one of my friends at work today was how I was planning a strategy of spending the entire weekend at home in my jammies. She has a toddler. She looked at me wistfully and said "oh, you lucky thing, that sounds amazing".

There are lots of us out there it seems

I don't need companion animals, I have the internet

Re: atmosphere. Not in a judgeypants decor-related way, but do you ever find you go round to someone's house and there's something that's JUST WRONG and like nails on a blackboard, and you can't understand how other people are ignoring it?

I remember being round someone's for dinner once, and it was an old rented flat and mostly lovely, but the kitchen had a flourescent striplight. And I just sat there being all twitchy, and feeling its horrible light on me, and looking at other people's faces lit with a pasty blue glow, and eventually stood up and said in a sort of panic, "Can I help you by lighting some candles, Ms Host?" And she looked at me in surprise and said, "If you like."

I was SO much happier once that light was off.

Op, I understood that about the agency, I'm just shocked how did you manage!
Funnily enough I also like music and can take hte noise (but not on everyday basis, and never on earphones!) - if i like that music of course! I can also enjoy long lectures on a subject of my interests, it's the interacting for long or listening people doing loud small talk that really gets to me. Even with a partner/friend i need my breaks (though can enjoy long talks with them).
Pets aer nice - but not unruly yuppy dogs - I love balanced dogs and cats!

Oh yes, MadBus - I really CANT tolerate flourecsent bulbs/horrid spotlights, I feel miserable - part of sensitivity! That's another reason that I'm unable to work in an office! to me light is very important, I like it soft (or natural). I love being in not-too-dark forests/ parks.

Here's a funny thing though: no problem with public speaking. None at all. Wish I could do more, I love it. Maybe that's my equivalent of your dance music, OP. I think it underlines the point that introversion/sensitivity and shyness are not the same thing.

I'm house-hunting at the moment, bricks. You can imagine the total mutual mystification as I try to explain to estate agents what's wrong with a place.

By the way it is my suspicion that ambulances, police cars and fire engines are fitted with HSP-detection devices which trigger their sirens at the exact moment they pass me.

best not to try, MadBus - just say 'not my taste'! estate agents can be so tiresome with their talk .

I can confidently give presentations, chat to strangers about serious stuff (my job), get on with anyone. I especially enjoy loud music in the car when alone so I can sing along tonelessly.

I just prefer to spend my free time quietly doing the solitary things that I enjoy. I'm stupidly excited at the mo as I have downloaded a couple of new books and once dinner is over, I'm off to spend some quality time with them....

Out of curiosity....

How many of us HSP's/introverts post on Facebook on a regular basis?

I dont mean log on and read...I mean actually post something about your day. Moans, observations, achievements etc?

I rarely posted on FB and have now deleted the account. I'm wondering if there is some sort of connection there.

I'm not on FB and have no intention to change that! I'm amazerd people think they are THAT interesting for others to read about their daily life (what a bore), unless they are 'prof celebrity'.

I love living alone. I do love friends but i am going away alone with dd for 10 days to get away from it all; bliss!

I'm finding this fascinating because I like to be alone but I also love to hang out with groups of friends and/or perform in public in some way (whether that's selling on a market stall, speaking, singing or dancing).

What I couldn't handle is having to live with a partner. I've never done it, never really liked the idea. I need to be able to just go off by myself and be quiet when I want to. My DS is nearly 8 which means he's more of a Presence than he was as a baby but he's also more inclined to occupy himself and/or play outside. But the idea of having another adult permanently in the house that I would have to pay attention to... eek yuk argh!

I'm an HSP, yay! Am loving all this talk of fluorescent striplights (my no.1 pet hate about other peoples' houses) and as for FB I'm only on there so I can keep tabs on what DD's up to. Katie I actually strike up conversations with strangers sometimes so it's definitely not shyness; maybe it's that with a stranger I know the conversation's going to come to an end and I won't be trapped or something like that.

Bricks when I think about my days in advertising I just don't know how I did it but I'm very glad I'm not still doing it! As for books, I think they're one of the greatest joys in life and one of my biggest fears is that my eyesight might not last me out. Does anyone here like writing too?

I can also easily talk to strangers (if they are up for it!), I'm often approached for directions . People who know me said I could be funny/amusing, so it's not like i don't make an effort or enjoy a talk, it's just very on and off as far as my energy for it goes. Lasting a whole evening talking is hard. My mum and aunt never stop talking at all when they get together! I really need a break from that (or i could go mad ) even though I do like talking to them in principle.

oh no facebook or twitter here just cannot see the appeal of telling everyone what I am doing or where I am and posting pictures of myself doing it?? I am very sociable when I do go out and love to dress up for the night but wouldn't ever what to do it every weekend, once in awhile is plenty for me. I just sometimes need to retreat away from everyone, noise/people/husband/kids I will go up to my bedroom and just lie on the bed and close the door and immediately find peace. So many of us the same thought we should start a club.... but then we would never want to meet up !!!

Arrrgh .facebook and twitter ..........no no no.

So agree about atmosphere be it environmental or that feeling in the air that we twitch to . Supermarket lighting has me hanging onto trolley for dear life .
But as likeatonne describes .....can be transfixed by the light of the sun at different times of the year [autumn anyone ? ] . The smell after a rain storm .
Like others I really enjoy chatting to random people I meet dog walking etc .
It seems a control thing when I read this back ........but mutually pleasant hopefully . Some deep conversations as well strangely .