Am I weird to love being alone so much

[BlissfulSolitude]

Mid 50s divorcee here, mum of DD aged 14 who want sot know this: is it strange, after years of trying to come to terms with who I am and what I need, to have concluded that I'm happiest doing things on my own (apart from being with close family that is). I have a great relationship with DD and adore my cat and dog but find being around people incredibly wearing and love nothing better than to be at home reading, thinking, writing, listening to music and pottering. I have a small handful of dear friends but can go months without seeing them, enjoy my work and get on well with most of my colleagues but find the incessant small talk unbearable. People seem to find me engaging and like my company but I just don't seem to want the same level of human involvement as they do, although I quite like being amongst people if I don't have to talk much. After years of being in unsatisfactory relationships, I'm not interested in finding a man.

All my life I've tried to move out of my comfort zone and become more of an extravert (I feel society puts a lot of pressure on us to be outgoing) and had to use alcohol and drugs to do this; doing anything social involved getting hammered and turned me into the life and soul of the party. But my drinking inevitably got out of control, I got into a lot of trouble and now I'm contentedly abstinent. Without drink I just can't face the thought of socialising but I don't really care if I never go to another party again. I've grown to accept that I'm an introvert and would love to stop beating myself up about not seeing friends enough or engaging in activities that don't centre on the life of the mind. But I wonder if this is healthy and whether I'm unusual and would really welcome some opinions. Thanks.

Allofa I hear you, I have very severe toilet phobia's..it's not the only reason I live on my own but it is one of the bigger barriers to any kind of co habiting.

I used to think I'd somehow get over it or grow out of it, and I just coped the best I could when I was married.

If anything I just got more and more tied up in knots.
Maybe I'll unravel after a long enough period of solo living:)

Toilets, yes!

I have bowels of steel from years of not wanting to create 'plops' and stinks in the toilets at work or friends houses.

Just so nasty to have to walk into that 'fog' imo and air freshener just makes it even more obvious where you've just been and for what since the artificial smell just clings to you.

There's a couple of women in my office and you can set your watch by the time the horrid cloying smell of excrement and air freshener will hit the main office, mixed in with the microwaved mid morning snacks of other people it makes for a vom tastic environment.

Period time I hate as well - I always wait until there's no one around to hear the rustling of the new adult 'nappy' being unwrapped and fitted :)

mercury I have got a lot better. I have been able to go when at his house but I have to be desperate and I have to tell him etc. so it's all out in the open.

When we go away, we have this arrangement that he goes out for a half hour or so to get a paper and bits and bobs, and then I text him when the job is done or not (but mostly is) because I am so much more relaxed now.

I still could never go at my sisters who's toilet is bang outside all the bedrooms and so I barely ever stay overnight. She knows about my problem though.

I hope you get to relax about it too.

Just marking my place again as it's vanished from my Threads I'm On tag, thingy.

Alloha
Laughed out loud at the texting!

crisis I know it does sound funny and quite possibly mad to some people! :)

Allofa I used to have those kinds of arrangements when I was married, I mean he did try to help, but I feel much 'safer' if I have my own place.

I also remember a similar tearful 'confession' where I tried to explain the problem...I really cant face the thought of having to explain myself to anyone again

it is helpful to hear from others with similar problems though, so thanks for sharing:)

MountainsMove - I am an introvert married to a saint man who's reasonably sociable and we have a DD who likes being with people but also is happy in her own company. It's taken me a few years (and this thread has helped a lot!) to acknowledge that I find spending time "as a family" quite difficult even though I love DH and DD very much and they are wonderful company

They are just so noisy and bubbly and, erm, mobile when they are together that I can get quite irritated, especially if we are out somewhere where there are lots of people and lots going on.

One way of overcoming this is letting them go off at the weekend to do a sport that they enjoy together (I am allergic to all sports) and then taking the dog and meeting them somewhere for a coffee and the four of us (I'm including our introverted hound here!) go for a walk. So they've worked off some energy and we are actually doing something "as a family".

How does your DH cope when he is on his own with your DD? I love having time alone with my DD and we can be noisy and silly and have a lot of fun but it's just too much if there are three of us.

I've just realised that I've made DH and DD sounds like a pair of boisterous labrador puppies DD is just so full of joie de vivre and DH adores her so much that they seem to bounce off each other!

I am loving this thread so much .
So many similarities amongst us .not got anything to add other than :
please let us all keep chatting here ....it allows us to ebb and flow when we feel the urge and no one blinks and thinks; OH where has she /he gone mardy bugger

@ 'where's she gone, mardy bugger' bassetfeet :)

Studies have showns introverts are happier than those who appear to be the life and soul of the party. I am a bit of a mixture but have always liked time alone every day and that is away from the children too. I am not sure I am an introvert actually but I certainly think a lot of people do like and need time alone.

Can totally relate to the whole toilet thing. Our downstairs loo is just opposite the living room, and hate the thought of anyone hearing me. Our neighbour often stands outside their house to smoke, which just happens to be just by our toilet window. If I forget to shut the window have been sat there paralysed before as am about to go and realise they are right by the window At work (work in a FE college) I have used the disabled toilets in the past rather than face the shame of being overheard, feel terrible as someone could be in genuine need

Does anyone else feel obsessive about their car? I can't bear having an unreliable car, and pay probably well over the odds for dealer services etc as the thought of not being able to "get away" fills me with terror. Don't know why though, as leaving DH and DSs is just as much a terrifying concept

Morning

Laughing at all these bathroom confessions , funny the twists and turns a thread can take

pyjamaday, I am not in a postion to pay dealer services as I tend to drive a series of cheap cars, but I do know the horrors of breaking down and the panic that ensues.

Once I had a car that used to just cut out randomly.. the worst was in the middle of a roundabout and I just coasted to a stop at the edge of the roundabout. Luckily a lovely man rang the AA for me as my hands were shaking so much I could not even use the phone!!

Typically when the AA guy arrived it just started again. Shortly after I gave it to my niece who took it to a garage who fixed it immediately. This after me spending a fortune with a local mechanic who never seemed to fix it. Not only that he left an assortment of tools inside the bonnet!

She had it for a further two years, no problems.! Now that's annoying, but the memory of all these cut outs put me off ever getting into it again!

Truth be told I don't enjoy driving atall. I have obsessive thoughts say at a complicated junction. Thinking things like."ooh what a horror it would be to breakdown now", what if a tyre blows, what if the wheel falls off....that kind of thing.

Putting all this down makes me realise just how neurotic I really am! It is only humour that gets me through all these nightmare situations.

I was pondering this subject during the slightly damp bank holiday monday yesterday and came across the term empath.

Here is one of the websites that lists common traits - not everything on the list will apply to everyone but there was enough there to have me reading for a few hours.

Plus, I like the term empath - makes me feel much more special

theknowing1.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/at-a-glance-30-traits-of-an-empath/

Yes I thought of you and what you wrote about your DP at the point (was it 12? cant remember now) re. the pretending of having to be/look happy just being an almost impossible task.

A much more honest response than the likes of me just plastering on the fake grin I think now.

I'm still fascinated with the whole empath thing, for me it explains quite a lot since all of my life I've felt that I just absorb others moods and feelings and often just 'know' whats really going on with the other person underneath the sociably acceptable pleasantries.

Got me into a lot of hot water before as well when coupled with my big mouth and telling friends what I see behind the facade

Hi,

just thought I'd add, (if it hasn't been added before) that the late Neil Armstrong was an introvert. From what I've read he did like his crew mates but never socialised with them, just liked to hang around with his family. One of the greatest American hero's ever!

Also, we have loads of British ones:

Isaac Newton
Bertrand Russell
Alan Turing

Thanks for the list Bibi. I was going through it and nodding in recognition until I got to no.28 "Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand". I'm the total opposite, I love to have things that are pre-owned precisely because I like the idea that other people have loved them before me. Same with old buildings and houses (I live in one).

Bibi.........found the Empath list very very interesting and again felt that relief that others are the same . Thank you for sharing it with us members of Mardy Buggers Anonymous with big feet in our mouths . You made me laugh .

Like Bliss the only one I did not fit with was the antiques /second hand stuff .
I do like my things to have history usually but can see that some possessions may retain some negative vibes .
Houses affect me a lot actually ........I believe that walls absorb emotions through time and I always kind of read a home if you get me ?
Some are benign and lovely ...others have me legging it pronto .No real woo experiences but just disquiet.

Me too.....love second hand stuff. I have been called "Second Hand Rose" a few times by people who will only buy bright shiny new stuff. :)