To stop making my OH an evening meal even though he works 60hour weeks and I'm a SAHM ?

[ladywithnomanors]

I don't think I am.
I'm a SAHM to a 2, 4 and 6 yo DC's. He often works 60 hour weeks and sometimes 7 days a week. I do everything in the house and with the DC's - except he cuts the back lawn and occasionally puts the bins out.
I cook him a meal every night for when he gets home from work - often a different meal to what I cook for the DC's as he doesn't consider pasta, jacket potatoes, shepherd's pie to be a proper meal ie. it doesn't consist of a huge chunk of meat.
Whatever I serve up he criticises it. I made a curry it was 'flavourless' even though he specified which curry powder to use. I make a roast chicken and it's 'dry' or the potatoes are hard. Apparently my rice is mushy and my meat 'overcooked'. He comes in at night, waliks into the kitchen and wrinkles his nose at the pans bubbling on the stove, ' Mmm what delights do we have tonight??' he says in a sarcastic tone.

Ok I'm not the worlds best cook but I'm not the worst either and I do try. He says I don't as I'm not serving up Masterchef cuisine every night. He very occasionally will say he enjoyed something.

This morning I mentioned that we had sausages in the fridge and so would do the DC's sausage, mash and veg for tea and did he want some making. He response was that he didn't as he used to like sausages until I made them for him and now the thought of them make him retch. I told him that if that was his attitude then I wasn't going to cook for him anymore as he was ungrateful and picky.
I should point out that he is a fantastic cook but hardly cooks as he works so much.

So AIBU to stop cooking and just let him fend for himself and get his own tea when he gets in from work?

YANBU, obviously. He's ungrateful and, more to the point, rude, sarcastic and bullying.

If I were you I'd make one meal for the household. If he doesn't like it he can fuck off/make something for himself. How is a shepherds pie not a meal, anyway?

But anyway, I'm guessing that criticising your cooking is just the tip of the iceberg.

OP this has nothing to do with you being a SAHM and everyhting to do with your DH having no manners.

OP he sounds awful. I feel so sad for you reading your last post. Would you want your dc to be in a relationship like your one, with somebody like your H?

It's the dripping tap effect of constant put downs and insults. After a while they begin to erode your confidence and self esteem.

OP why do you put up with it? The way he talks tou you is wrong he is emotionally bullying you!!

Why be with someone like this? Have you thought about the alternatives? I never really know what to say in a situation like this as its easy to say over the web "leave the bastard" but from what you say this doesn't sound like a relationship worth staying for. I do hope someone else will post better advice than I can offer.
However, feel very sad for you.

He's an arsehole. From his attitude I imagine this is only one of the many problems in your relationship.

Do you really wants your DCs growing up thinking that his attitude is ok? Would you want them to be treated like this in a relationship?

Theglassishalffull - I suppose I'm used to it. He says he's only joking but he knows I don't take it that way so I don't know why he continues to do it. He does try in other ways like he buys me little presents or books massages for me as a treat. He never has anything nice to say about me though. Apparently I'm going grey, have spots etc.
I remember now the main thing that upset me at weekend - it was nice weather so I wore a dress ( I never wear dresses) he said it was awful,hideous etc. I told him that that was funny because everyone else who had seen me in it had commented on how much it suited me. I told my friend this a few days later and she said I looked lovely in the dress and that he was a nob .

Wow, He's an arse. I'd stop doing everything for him until he learns some manners. That's if you even want to stay with someone so thoroughly unpleasant who delights in putting you down.

He's a bullying twat. No way I'd cook for him. I'd tell him there's some of what the kids are having or fuck off.

And I'd use the time to get some training for myself so I could get a good job and leave his arse.

I fully sympathise. I used to try out new dishes that took me ages and got a mediocre response so now I don't bother that much. You must as well do tinned and frozen things if he's going to moan anyway.

But on the other hand I can see why somebody working a 60 hour week outside the home might expect a meal. I would. But on the other hand I wouldn't be constantly complaining every night about the meal. And I agree that he might be using the food just as a cause to start an argument. Good idea about doing the meals and freezing them. You could suggest you do them together and then he could make sure they were going to be to his liking.. (In a sort of sarcastic way!)

I am appalled but not surprised at the way this thread has gone. The food issue is a symptom not the main problem OP.

You have a choice to make, are you happy with how you are being treated or are you going to force a change of some kind?

He sounds like an utter Arse.

DH and I work around each other. He works up to 60 hours a week as well, while I am P/T.

If he is too late to eat with me and the DC I leave him a plate of what we had. If we are having something he isn't keen on, I will advise him he needs to sort his own dinner out.

I would never let him speak to me in the way you describe.

He sounds like an arse. I'd cook him the same as you cook for the kids. But not if he carries on being so ungrateful and rude!

Oh lord. He sounds grim.

I would start a campaign of silence / indifference. Complains about dinner? Walk away and don't make it the next night. Implies you are fat in a nasty way? State through him and walk away. Acts like a tool? State through him and walk away. It sounds as though he wants attention. Deny him that attention.

As a SAHM your job is 24/7 it sounds like. My DH works twice the hours I work but we both agree that after a certain time each day we both 'clock off' and share all duties. It's not a competition as to who is more worthy or more tired. If he's such a good cook tell him to batch cook all his meals at the weekend and freeze them. Then ignore. Honestly, he sounds like an extra child...

This isn't about cooking. This is about him being an nasty abusive little twat. I expect that nothing you do is ever quite good enough. This is the second time today I have posted this link to an article about "gaslighting". I think is might strike a chord.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted

State? Fecking phone. stare

I don't think YABU.

Some might be of the opinion yes that he is working hard and deserves a meal after all his long hours - but that is what you are providing.

You sound like you are really trying to make an effort in terms of food for him - some people I know of stick the same microwaved rubbish on their husbands plates every night even though they are SAHM's and the DH are out at work.

Quite frankly if he doesn't like my food and wants to be a rude twunt then he can get his own fucking dinner. I wouldn't make him so much as a glass of squash or a slice of toast until he sorts out his attitude and stops being so fucking ungrateful.

Sorry - he sounds like a dick. You sound lovely and don't deserve to feel like you're not doing well enough -

He sounds an utter arse. This isn't about the food, it is about his lack of respect for you generally . If DH spoke to me in any of the ways you have described, I would be beyond furious.

I've read my posts back and I too am appalled. It sounds bad doesn't it? He isn't like this 24/7 but his does make one or 2 comments everyday. The weekend was particularly bad. I don't want to put up with it but if he doesn't see there's a problem how can we discuss it and make things better?
Expat - I had a good job pre children and would need to do a refresher course but I could go back into that again in the future.

What an awful sounding husband you have OP.

I don't think I could even bothered speaking to him, let alone cooking for him. As someone else said above, it seems the meal thing is not the main issue here, he seems to delight in putting you down and being nasty to you.

Do you love him ?

Blimey, yes he works hard , but if nothing you make is up to his standard then he can do his own

Agreed with Felicity.

My OH cooks most of our meals and frankly, just between you, me and the entire internet, he is not such a great cook. But I always eat what he serves up and thank him politely, because not only did I not have to cook it myself but also, him making the effort to make dinner is one of the ways that he shows that he cares for me.

I can't imagine complaining that "we always have frozen vegetables" or "you only know how to cook 5 different meals" or, well, anything really. Because then I would fully expect him to say, "Well, you can get your own dinner then." That's what I would say if someone complained about what I made for them.

He sounds horrible. doesn't sound like it is about the food. It sounds like he just loves to keep putting you down. What it is he is criticising you for doesn't matter, as long as he's sticking the boot in.

Question is, what are you going to do about it? Because you have to do something, you know that, don't you? For your own self esteem and to protect your children from repeating this pattern in their own relationships.

How is he with them? Has he turned on them yet?