Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

Mathanxiety is doing what Math does very, very well here, Lou. Any advice she has to offer re keeping your thoughts & actions straight in the face of an insane fuckwit will be worth attention.

On a side note, you know you said you're eating a lot of eggs? Eggs (and beans) are a good source of B12 and folic acid - which you need during stress, as well as pregnancy. Your body's being wise, too :)

I loved what you said about knowing you're so much wiser than him. It's clearly, obviously true! And very great that you can see it for yourself. I'm usually dubious about that "makes me stronger" saying but, in your case, it's 100% right. It's too soon to say "this will be the making of you" ... but, actually, I think it will. Just for now, though, stay focused and keep wrapping yourself in love and safety. Hope you've slept well enough. x

AgathaFusty - I can manage an excursion across the border to Derbyshire if Lou needs help to get evidence. Shout me if you need me.

Just tried to post this on the old thread, will post it now and then catch up on the new one.....

Lou I'm so sorry, this bastard really does keep piling on the hurt. It would be so convenient for him right now if you filed for divorce and terminated the pregnancy, yet he's trying to turn it round onto you by saying "I want to be with you, but you can never forgive me". Has this man ever taken responsibility for anything?

You are so dignified in all of this. If I were in this position I'd walk round town with a megaphone telling everyone all about it!

I'm due on 6th December (24 weeks tomorrow) and look mahoosively pregnant now but with my first I wasn't showing much at this stage. I could easily have covered it up with a baggy dress. This time I found at the end of March, having conceived mid-march if that helps at all. However, I agree with the others, he's such a compulsive liar it's hard to know what to believe.

Lou, throughout this whole nightmare, you havent put a foot wrong, and I truly dont think you will. With every new body blow, I have been afraid that it would be the one that would flatten you completely. But no, not you my little Weeble - thanks Skye! Up you get. However - and Ive got me mums hat on now! - please take great care of yourself. You have had shock after shock, in a very short space of time, and I suspect there will be more to come. So, get as much sleep as you can, at any time you feel the need. Eat as well as you feel able to. Take a multi-vitamin/folic acid. Give full rein to your emotions, and embrace the love that is being given to you, by everyone who has heard your story. You have become very special to many people.

Oh Lou this just gets worse and worse for you

Again..... mine done the same, he had her pregnant within a week of meeting her. I took him back, once againshe was pregnant the week after he was here for 1 night (I knew that night it would never work, I had lived alone with boys for a year and it was nice without him there).

With me it took several visits to infertility clinic, taking my temp every morning, then a laparoscapy (sp too late to google) told my tubes were fecked, given a IVF price list but then strangely I had no period after this op, and was pregnant.

I love my DC dearly they are my life, without them I would be nothing, I was really a "single parent" even when he lived with us, he was never hear, did nothing with them, never attempted to save for Christmases or birthdays he relied on my parents and me paying into an account weekly.

I detest the fact he is their father but can and will deal with that. My boys give me the strength and love to do so.

I too think he may be lying, he sounds the type to do so sadly, if he is not or even if he is please consider having no contact with him. do it via solicitors if affordable, don't take his crap and horrid comments, he is abusing you and not even with you. I wish I knew his address

Reading back throughthe posts I am now terrified I am going to received a huge bill from my solicitor!!! I will check that out tomorrow.

Take care of yourself, big un-mumsnets hugs, you must feel awful, I know that feeling and it's just heart-renching.

Things will get better, it will take time, but you WILL move on from this horrid place you are in right now.

Please take care of yourself.

Hi Lou. Im glad that his parents think he is a total shit too. My MIL thought it quite acceptable that my H walked out on me and his 4yo DD

Ultimately blood is thicker than water, so you are right to keep it to the facts. He now needs to explain everything to his family, which he was obviously hoping to avoid.

Stay calm and collected. Try and find out where he is if you can.

Hope you slept well Lou and just wanted to echo what TheDreadedFoosa said. These bastards always seem to have a script and at the moment it's all "I'm not sure I'm happy with her, she made me do it" with each woman - implied if not said. If therw is an aim beyond compulsive lying, I think it's to try to keep you hanging on so that he can later come out with something devastating "She is my one true love" etc. I know you're not hanging on in the sense of wanting him back, but ypu are still emotionally involved (how could you not be) and finding comfort in the fact that he seems to be a bit doubtful. This gives him a way in, so please don't assume a single thing he says or implies about their setup is true.

Hi Lou, just found your new thread, super sleuth I am not!

IF this pregnancy is true, I hope when OW finds out she Lorena Bobbit's him!

The chutney is really hitting the fan now for this evil shell of a human being, isn't it?

I'm sorry but fucking bastard doing this.

I hate these men, they should be driven to an island of fucking chutney and protein power (in my case) and left to rot.

Sorry, I hope you managed some sleep.

Take care x

powder now power mine had both ...

Also be prepared if his little empire falls to shit around him and he wants you back, no no no never.

Morning all, thanks for everyone's comments. Today I have to attempt to go into work,.........

Didn't sleep last night much, the first time since it happened. My mind was reeling again.

Also had strong urges last night to keep the pregnancy. First time I've felt like this, and am well aware it may be all down to revenge. I am dreading my scan next week. On top of all this facing a possible termination is just too much to contemplate, but I'm weighing that up versus having to have him in my life for the next god knows how many years. Sometimes I think I'd rather meet a nice partner again within the next couple of years than be straddled wtih his child.

Yes, I appreciate I may be revealing too many facts, so sorry about that and please keep reminding me. Right to keep any legal stuff close to my chest on here.

I was thinking last night, I am very much used to being on my own. He's been travelling away with 'work' so much during the last year that I nearly always spent half the week on my own anyway. And whenever he came back he always dumped a case of dirty washing and plonked himself in front of the TV for a few days, and I used to resent him so much. Because I was aware of wasn't getting the 'best' version of him, if that makes sense. And I for the last few weeks I've been saying to him 'Who is getting the nice X?' because I knew it my heart that it wasn't me. Anyway, I'm waffling, but I'm used to being on my own so much, so the shock of him not being here hasn't really hit me yet.

Don't think too far ahead, one day at a time and all that.
You are sounding more positive even if you don't realise it yourself. Have a good day at work and remember to think of yourself and no contact with Chutney Rod.

Baby steps just now Lou.

When I had problems sleeping I would attempt to switch my mind to my breathing, concentrate on each breathe in/out - repeat (bad thought) push it away back to breathing in/out, in/out until you fall asleep.

Make no decisions just now except no contact, this no contact will help you so much in the long run. Promise. x

Hope all goes ok at work Lou.

Do whatever you want to do. Listen to yourself and your body and you will make the right decision,x

Mellower advice is good. Also I think for future threads you could post in "off tr beaten track" as I think posts there disappear after 30 days.

Wishing you a peaceful day x

So sorry that you are in this situation Lou, have just caught up.your choice about the baby is incredibly personal but predicting the future is impossible...if you had your baby, it is entirely likely this "man" may not be a significant person in his or her life, so make sure you think about what you want, and that you get counselling. The only future prediction I can make with a fair amount of certainty is that a) you will continue to recognise your confidence and capability and be a great woman and b) he will continue to mess his life up.
You will be happier regardless, and as you know this is all his doing, when you know more and find out more, you will have peace.hugs to you x

Hi Lou, de-lurking a second time to express my growing admiration for you. You are strength and dignity personified!

Chutney-bugger, on the other hand, for an "academic", is terribly thick. You have the upper hand intellectually, as well as the moral high ground.

Ethically speaking, you stand on Everest's highest peak, and he lurks with those single-celled wormlike things at the bottom of the deepest sea.

Hats off to you!

Lou-- a child gives such unconditional love , so much so that it will trump the hate you would feel towards the father. The feeling when you waken each day to the wee face gives you so much joy.

I have a suspicion that he wouldn't be playing much of the "father" role anyway. Do not let the fact that he is the father cloud your judgement too much.

Hope you manage at work today.

Thinking of you today Lou, hope you manage a peaceful day and good luck at work xxx

Thinking of you Lou your so brave & strong xx

Lou my first scan was a termination scan. Just be aware they won't put the screen on for you to see. Have a think about if you would like the screen on, I'd changed my mind so asked for the screen on. It's very emotional. I'm doing it all alone now, I found out that day I was 21 weeks not 8. Seeing that fetus on that scan changed my whole life, made me realise the future could be bright out of something dark.

Really really thinking of you xx

hi Lou, i don't want to influence your decision about whether to keep the baby or not, but there are some things that concern me. please don't consider this baby as a tool in the fight against your horrible ex. by that i mean that this baby is separate to all of this, the deceit and pain. when you say that you might want to meet someone in the future who might not want to be saddled with a baby, it worries me that you are still considering 'what ifs' rather than things that are definite. the only thing you can rely on in your future Lou, is you. i know that sounds daft, but i realise this now. my future is not what i intended or assumed it would be. so you can't think about what if you meet someone else, and what will they think. you can think though of a future where you are a mum, or not. you have obviously wanted a baby for a long time to do the ivf stuff. dig deep and ask yourself if you wanted a baby, or you wanted a baby with him only. make your decision about the baby based on your feelings only. he will be forced to support baby financially, you will get other financial help. you also have a great network of family support. but that isn't a reason to have a baby, the reason to have this baby is if the thought of not having it tears you apart. you will cope if you decide to have the baby without him; this i am certain of. he probably would have left you at some point any way. a baby is hard work, but the most rewarding and loving and best thing in the world. for some of us. only you know you, and what you want. so focus only on what you want. i firmly believe that if there is a mr right out there for you (and there is) he will love you with or without your baby. so deal in concrete facts and not what ifs. deep in your heart you will find your answer. sorry i sound bossy and have waffled on, hope you know that i mean well.

Sorry, just caught up. Gobsmacked at the latest.
The chuntering, chutney-grabbing cheat needs his cherries chopping!

My ex was an arse with a golden cock complex too. From that relationship came 2 girls that I wouldn't be without.
I have also terminated a pregnancy, many years ago, under difficult circumstances.
I don't have regrets.

If you want to talk, please PM me.

LouP
I just wanted to say I think you're being amazing. I'm on the mid 30s TTC thread you've posted on (and also have a cat for a baby!) And can't imagine how you must feel.
It sounds like you have an amazing support network who would look after and love you and your baby. You have to be selfish and do what you want
Stay strong x

Hello Caipirin, I recognise your name. Yes, I very quickly went from the TTC boards to here, with quite a bang as you can see. I still can't believe any of this is happening to me and I think the disbelief is the only thing that is getting me through right now. My life has gone from feeling quite stable and normal into a horrendous soap opera, none of it my own doing. I feel so powerless at the moment.

I also keep getting cramps and whenever I go to the loo I think I might see some blood.