Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

math and toofat - I am sure you are right. I could only speak from my direct experience.

Narcissics polarise to the jobs that give them the "ME I AM GREAT; factor.

Lol Balotelli I thought that.

Chutney recipes on MN front page = tribute to Lou

He's really trying to ensure he comes across as a victim in all this isn't he?

Why didn't he do that Lou? The truth is because he didn't want to for one of two reasons:

He wants to be with OW
He is such a coward he literally couldn't man up enough to face you.

Either way he's a chutney munching pig who doesn't deserve you.

However, while I'm not one for playing with human emotion usually he is such a file excuse for a man. And I am one for ensuring you and baby to be (?) are as secure as possible.

So you know what? Two can play the emotional victim still in love.

As Nana Rowanhart would say: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

I'd see how much information you get out of him by playing the sypathetic ear. Starting with sending him the message you've just written above. Because if he thinks he's got you where he wants he's the kind of egotistical maniac who will love playing the victim enough to give you all sorts of information just to keep it going and feed his ego.

But only do this if you KNOW you are so convinced its over that whatever he says to reel you in, you won't let him!!!!

Great to hear your sol appt was so positive, and that you and your family are happy with her.

Good move to personalise your bedroom to you, remove him from it. You should make lots of changes, even just moving furniture around where you can, altering drawers around, perhaps paint one of your rooms. It will disorientate him no end when he next slithers in to steal shared marital property.

Have a lovely evening with ravioli and a damned good sleep in your lush new bedding.

For some reason I am envisaging chutney to be that bloke who was the baddie in The Green Mile, and OW is that impossibly vile teenager girl that he has married. Just googled it. Doug Hutchinson and Courteney Stoddard. Ew. Its the whole slimy man oozing over inappropriate woman.

I'm just still flabbergasted at his gall of trying to justify his existence. I'd keep that last text from him, Lou - take a picture of it or something - that would be very interesting for OW to see when if she ever finds out what a bottom of a cesspit oozy slimy total and utter shit she has got herself entangled with. It will just justify it even more.

I know you're on the ravioli tonight - but one of my favourites and easy to eat things is macaroni cheese. Take care and sleep well.

Lou you are fab.

Brilliant solicitor, brilliant new bedlinen (very important) and brilliant mumsnetters telling it like it is. I wish I had known about mumsnet long before I did.

and someone said people like your H are shallow and do not have a very strong fixed sense of who they are. it hits the nail on the head, in my experience they suck information for their characters out of who they are currently with, they don't actually have any character of their own and when you see them without their support they are like a ghost, transparent, nothing there. I am not good with words, it's hard to explain but I've seen it.

Chin up sweetheart, you are a star.

Someone has suggested he's playing the victim in the hope I'll beg him back. That way he'd feel he had options,...... just incase it goes tits up with the knock off. He can then play the 'Ooh, my wife needs me' card.

Anyway, I haven't and I ain't! But whenever he's give a slither of an opportunity it is immediately 'ooh, poor me'.

I am onto Laughing Cow triangles, just keep eating them out the fridge!!

I think that what I find more annoying of his texts is the condescending tone he uses towards you, is sounds like the idiot think himself so good that you would be waiting for him anytime as you love him so much

next time he comes with the fake line "i would like to be with you", just tell him, sorry mate even if you came begging back to me, I din't give a hoot about you. I don't want you back.

Because believe me lou, if really wanted to be with you as he claim he would be begging already to come back rather than staying with her because you wouldn't forgive him. He is trying to pass the blame to you.

I bought some lovely new bedding too, cream with beautiful pink roses on and a new duvet too. It brightens my spirits every time I walk in the room. I bought DD a new blanket too. Curtains are next On my list, then get rid of his chest of drawers and move some stuff around.

Then living room curtains and throws for the sofa. A bit at a time as and when I can afford it.

I love laughing cow triangles too. Why waste time and energy spreading them on something? Straight from the fridge is best

Hi Skye, have already been discussing plans for the house with my Mum this evening. It does make you feel better when things are more 'yours'.

I can change some of the stuff he insisted on keeping - hoorah!

Tomorrow we're changing the bedrooms round completely.

Can't afford a new bed unfortunately, and the bed we slept in together is a bloody good one. So figured with new linen, in a new room, set up differently, it should feel more 'me'. And a new headboard at some point because there's greasy marks on his side from his hair gel.

Yeah I couldn't afford to change the bed, we bought a really expensive mattress a couple of years ago. But I have found that changing the bedding has been enough to change the whole room and lift my spirits.

My friend is two years on from separation snd is painting her house snd buying new furniture and moving everything around. She feels so much better for it.

It's all little steps that cause a positive reaction.

That sounds really lovely Lou,
How are your cats? I love new fresh Bedlinen- even better washed in yellow lenor and line dried. Bliss

May I ask if his sister replied?

He really can't see how he could have hurt you or anyone else in all of this Lou.

Hence the Poor Me routine -- that is genuinely how he sees reality at this point. Life has bitten him in the bum and he is feeling immensely sorry for himself; he is incapable of empathy for anyone else he has blindsided. It is no doubt a huge surprise and quite hurtful for him that you do not seem to be feeling sorry for him.

He is not one bit sorry for anything he has done to you -- not for leaving, not for cheating, not for fathering a child with someone else while ttc with you, not for breaking and entering, not for stealing marital property or for reading your post. He can't accept any personal responsibility (that would put a ding in his self image) and in fact will probably blame you for everything or claim entitlement. Watch out for what he says in a divorce petition he files or any he counterfiles when/if you file. If he is not thinking straight and wants to fight and make a fuss he will sock you with all sorts of ridiculous allegations.

Spray your mattress with Febreeze or some other nice smell, turn it over...

I swear Math is a renowned psychiatrist with fifty PHD's in real life, her advice on these asshole threads is always so spot on!!!

Free counselling Lou!

Yes turn the mattress over and think of it as a fresh start in your lovely new clean bedroom ala Meg Ryan in 'You've Got Mail' ; my favourite film for decor

math a genuine question: given that he has without doubt behaved like an enormous shit to Lou, really fucking awful behaviour, why is he genuinely surprised that Lou doesn't feel sorry for him? The fact that he's expecting sympathy shows a deeply illogical process.... and that just makes me think he has a personality disorder at best.

I suppose what I'm trying to ask is, do lots of people behave this way when they pull a marriage apart?

Seymore - that is a real puzzle isn't it? To normal, real people like Lou, and the posters on this thread. It is beyond comprehension that someone could act that way towards someone they profess to love.

Lou, you are a fucking diamond. I wish i knew you in real life because once the dust has settled, and it will my love, this experience will add to your arsenal of experiences that will make you a greater person, woman, partner and friend.

NotGeoffVadar and others. If this thread is deleted, it would be a very bad idea to re-direct any posters anywhere. Most posters who have given Lou considered support and advice would know where to post. The rest as you say is entirely up to Lou. Just advising caution as we are all anonymous here.

Lou I would highly recommend just changing the bed frame or the head board of your bed. I have had to look at the bed my Ex bought and it used to irritate the hell out of me and I felt he was still present in the room. The bed was the only thing he bought in the house. I did buy a new mattress for it while together but I paid for it and so I saw it as mine if you get what I mean. I have recently got rid of the bed frame he bought and bought myself a new one and boy does it feel good and I mean really good. I now smile when I come into my bedroom and feel like it is mine and not his and mine. I know that probably sounds silly but it has totally helped me. I am sat on it now smiling feeling heaps better than I did and just loving my new bed. 8 of my friends were all piled on it earlier and we took a pic and it was just lovely. Actually it is making me feel quite emotional as it was lovely having my mates round and feeling so positive about life compared to where I was 6-10 months ago after Ex walked out.

If I had the money I would even buy you a new one

Bedframes - ebay have some great bargains

Ah! But narcs only love themselves Agatha, and accept absolutely no personal responsibility for any problems or difficulties in their own lives, or the lives of those close to them.
They simply do not recognise the pain they cause others by their actions, and any pain they feel themselves MUST have been caused by someone else, so it follows, by this twisted logic, that Lou should feel sorry for him.

Still can't get over what a twat he is. Glad you are redecorating op.