Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

You sound positive and optimistic, I love buying new bedding.

Oh, GOOD FOR YOU on the new bedding!
Lovely; now you'll be having high-quality, beautiful sleep in blue-sky colours :)

While he's capable of anything, from what you've said LouP19, I wouldn't now be too concerned about his snooping on this thread (or your PC).

IMHO he is not the average, paranoid abuser. He lives in his own unusually dysfunctional world, with abuse to go with it. Hence, the meat and kitchenware raid.

I would continue to take what you see as sensible precautions: and continue to view his actions with the same clear eyes and level-headedness you do now.

If your attitude was 'but he's lovely really' I would be a lot more concerned, but you definitely know what you're doing!

Ooh, blue and white stripes. Very Cornwally. I love that St Ives china, can't get enough of it.

I agree that even if he found this thread there is little to be gained from it that he doesnt know already as it largely documents his own (appalling) behaviour. Though I very much doubt he would get past a single page once he has read the universal contempt in which he is held by posters. I don't think his ego could take it :-)

Desparately trying to resist buying some new bedding now....am such a sucker from thread counts! Have a great nights sleep tonight!

I love expensive bedlinen too Lou. Are you putting it on today?

Just think, nice clean lovely bed without Chutneywanker in there stinking it up, bliss......

Hi Lou,

Another de-lurker here. I have been reading your thread (currently in Greece) since it started and have been so angry and upset for what's happened in your life recently and what you have had to cope with. Your H is a CUNT of the highest order and deserves to have his pathetic little knob cut off for what he has done to you. He is a pathetic, scheming, selfish, hurtful piece of shit that knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants.

He has shown, through his actions, what a low-life scumbag he is. Legal or not, he should NOT have entered the house he CHOSE to leave without your permission, he has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. All the stuff he has said to you is bullshit. He is trying to make you take the first step to divorce him so that he can look the victim. Because he IS the victim. Of course. Poor him. The Cunting Meat and Chutney thieving wankstain.

Anyway, I think you are coping so bravely under the extreme circumstances and I am in awe of your decency in this situation and, FWIW, I am glad Babylon PI is on the case. Why should he know everything about you and you know nothing about him? How is that right?

I am glad that you are treating yourself a little bit. God knows you deserve ALOT of pampering at the moment. Your new bedding sounds really lovely!

We are thinking of you, lovely Lou.

Hello Lou
Another new voice.
Firstly, good on you girl you're an inspiration and handling this whole pile of shit really well.
I agree with YellowTulips - what you're recording on here is your life and if Chuntney isn?t happy about the truth of his despicable behaviour being published then he should stop bloody behaving that way. If you?re finding this thread useful then you keep on.
Enjoy your new bedlinen ? and perhaps even breakfast in bed in the morning

Have to tell you Lou

I have washed a man right out of my life! Trust me it was NOT was easy as that reads and I am being flipent about what was a terrible time in my life

BUT I changed the bedding, curtains, pictures really made the place my own for very little money and it changed the way I looked at things.

Re: the 'he was so lovely' comments. Ironically he WAS until he got a new job last year. And then it changed quite drastically. I don't know if anyone else has been in these circumstances, but that one change (i.e. the job) seemed to change everything in him. Until then things were pretty much good, and I couldn't see anything ever going wrong. I was genuinely happy to be with him and felt so safe (a lovely feeling in a relationship). But after the job it all changed. He changed, he clearly wasn't happy with the direction his career was taking him. And then it presented him with lots of opportunities to meet new people. He used to get angry with me And it has all unfolded into this,..........

That is the sad part, and I think this is the part I'll grieve for later on in the process.

P.S. Lou, He is not happy right now. He will not be with this woman when she finds out that you're pregnant too. Not if she has any decency, that is. If she stays with him, they bloody well deserve each other. Like everyone has said- STAY ANGRY!

Did the Solicitor visit go well?

Lou, it sounded in your last post like you are starting to blame yourself. In other words, he wasn't happy with his job, you started arguing, he started an affair. This is not your doing. Forgive me if I have the wrong end of the stick.

I suppose he met the OW when he changed jobs. How was solicitor?

No, no. I'm just looking at one change (i.e. his job) that changed him. Not blaming me.

Solicitor was brilliant. Kept it brief. We discussed the holding letter to state our position. She said I needed time now to digest everything that had happened and my pregnancy, so felt it was important that her first step was to buy ME some time.

Me and my Dad walked out and simply said 'She's good'.

Excellent! Really glad to hear that Lou. You are doing a fine job! xx

Good, I am so pleased to hear it. I think you are wonderful. Do you think he started changing because of the job or do you think it was when another woman was singing his praises and he got an overinflated ego thinking he was the dog bollocks (therefore treating you badly to try and get you to react so he could justify his actions=adultery)?

Good news.

That's great! Do you still have an appointment at the fertility clinic next week? Try and get some rest and eat something, your mind must be whirring and you must be running on empty, nevermind how tiring early pregnancy can be. Will you have some company this weekend?

'Ironically he WAS until he got a new job last year. And then it changed quite drastically. I don't know if anyone else has been in these circumstances, but that one change (i.e. the job) seemed to change everything in him.'

Lou, that is EXACTLY what happened in our scenario too. He just changed. He was SO PLEASED with himself. Little did I know he was thinking, new job, new life.... if I can get away from the troll things will be just peachy. Hmmm. It has put 10 years on him. He looks haggard and old. Consequences. They are such a bitch when you don't think things through.

Lou, trust me this guy is in agony. He THOUGHT he was going to get a little exciting time to make him 'happy' (believe me OW is as much of an object as you are). And has all got SO complicated for him, he has spectacularly lost control. The clothes have fallen off and now everyone sees he is naked. He chose her because she still idealises him. None of this has anything to do with love.

There is a fabulous book that explains narcissists and how to be around them. It is called 'enough about you, what about me? and he says quite clearly, narcissists are not interested in you at all. You exist for their ends. They will NEVER change. So do not get into power struggles with them. Very important book to help you let go and not get sucked into interactions.

If you are on a campus, surely the news has gone round 1,000 times already? How can OW not know?

I think it is unnecessarily paranoid to think the ex is stalking Lou on MN if there is genuinely no way he could know Lou posts here.

Lou, I also think you may be confusing cause and effect with the new job and the change of demeanour. What made him look for the new job? People like your H (as far as I can form a picture of him anyway) seek the new and exciting and don't stay in one place for long. They get bored. They don't get enough adulation in one particular job (there can never be enough adulation) and move on.

And yes, new job/new life/new me -- people like your H are shallow and do not have a very strong fixed sense of who they are.

Abitwobbly that's what I've been thinking & actually I wonder if the OW is slowly starting to hear things!!

Do you have any gossipy contacts who might know his department Lou?

Somebody will have seen him with her if he is an academic.

I think when he took the job he felt out of his depth. It was a new area for him and he wasn't particularly confident in it. So up came another woman and it boosted his ego.

Still his issues though.

God, if I'd had an affair every time I felt low on confidence I'd be doing it each week!