Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

For the record math, I tend to agree with your informal assessment of this personality (non-professional, armchair-only, non-serious, and all other disclaimers applying as usual).

Totally agree with mathanxiety. If he had a shred of decency anywhere in him he would give Lou his address and not hide away like the snivelling coward that he is. Nor would he break into the house when he knows that Lou is not at home. A while back I posted to the effect that I sadly did not think that we had seen the worst of him yet. My only hope is that after this latest episode the tide will now begin to turn in Lou's favour. God knows, she deserves it.

People, do you know how difficult is to convince the police that a person you were married to is a stalker???

When I was recently separated from my ex, everybody was having this fantastic suggestions about lock changes and how to keep him away etc. Yeah he also got in the house when I wasn't there and I found him at the door with the car full up the roof with any valuable stuff we ever had.

But Frank is right, she cannot lock him out. I did change the locks after ex started showing a very chaotic behaviour. But I didn't tell a soul as I knew that I was not allowed to do that and also that he wouldn't risk loosing face with the new woman by breaking into the house as he was already playing happy families with the new woman.

I often saw him waiting in his car outside of my house in the mornings, he was pestering me with endless aggressive texts, it got to the point when he went over the mark... and I called the police. He claimed I was suffering from paranoia, that I was jealous of his new relationship and that it was me who was stalking him. His word against mine. The police took my statement and that was about it, no follow up, no nothing.

In terms of paperwork...Through out all the divorce process any significant paperwork was carefully put away and hidden before I left the house, and even stored outside the house if I was going to be away for a few days.

I understand that it is important to keep LouP's spirits up and this thread is making wonders in keeping her angry, which is what she needs to keep strong at this time. But really, I have been looking at this thread and thinking Lou is being given a lot of 'legal' information in this thread that well... is far from being accurate. So I would suggest to us of all (me including) not to use the phrase "that's illegal" until you know from a good quotable source that it is. Otherwise we may be leading Lou into problems.

Obviously, the thread has moved quite a lot since I opened the screen...
Apologies.

Hi everyone - I'm delurking here ( I have read all three threads as they have progressed) but has anyone not noticed that Lou has not posted since this afternoon.

Lou has had alot of support on all 3 threads and I hope the bickering above, mental assement of Chunt has not frightened her off.

[Gets off high horse]

No she hasn't posted and I'm, like all of us, a bit worried. Hopefully she's at her Mum's having something to eat and trying not to stress out too much.

yes indeed, Onion. Hope you are OK LouP19.
That must have been quite an ordeal to make that discovery today.
I hope this thread isn't too overwhelming today. Please ignore us if it is.
Take care

Well, Math, there are an awful lot of them about, is all I can say. This is how cheaters behave. Especially when they are transitioning from one relationship to another. It's tough leading a double life.

I do think you are ratcheting the tension a bit unnecessarily. Garlicnuts, there's a big difference between being irrational and being insane. Hiring the van was an effective way of getting all of his possessions out of the house in one go without interference and argument. Entirely rational.

Only Lou can decide whether his behaviour has been 'very violent', but nothing she has said would lead me to think that has been the case. The car wasn't moving! She mentioned it as an afterthought. I don't think it has been preying on her mind.

I'm sorry, but this is how it is when someone makes up his mind to leave a marriage for someone else. This is what is so hurtful. He has switched his allegiance, the wife is in the way, there is a conflict of interests, and the devil take the hindmost.

But it doesn't make him 'a psycho'.

Portofino -- I have absolutely not suggested stalking. What I have urged is to find out where he lives and also to find out if the OW is indeed pregnant (at five months a photo would probably do) for the sake of Lou's sanity as well as for post purposes. I think you misread my post.

I have been there, with an exH who changed phones as well as address and didn't tell me (and insisted on taking the DCs for visitation to an unknown address.) The judge wasn't having any of it because my sol needed to know where to direct post in order for things to move along in timely fashion (and because I had a right to know where the DCs were but that doesn't come into Lou's case. As it was, I found out he was living two doors down from a sex offender.)

With a professional PI there is virtually no way he could ever realise he was being tailed. He couldn't accuse Lou of stalking him. A professional PI getting simple information like an address and confirmation of pregnancy is a very reasonable course of action given that he has not told Lou his address and she has only the word of a man who led a double life for months to go on wrt the pregnancy. Nobody would look askance at this at all.

Thymeout psychopathic I think you missed my clarification.

Onion, I very much hope the reason Lou isn't glued to her thread is that she's spending time with lovely people in the real world :)

I'm so not getting into psychoanalysing The Chunt! The primary purpose of looking at him the way Math's outlined is to avoid expecting him to think as a 'normal' person would under the circumstances. From the very beginning -- 'normal' people break the news to their spouse, then go. I believe it will put Lou in a stronger position if she expects him to behave 'abnormally'.

That is my intention Garlic.

Expect the worst. Don't discount anything on the basis that it would make no sense.

Hi Lou,

Its taken me two and a half hours but I've read everything that has happened since I went on holiday (I was the one who told you to keep reminding yourself "he took the fucking chutney").

posted too soon - wanted to say that you are so strong, its inspiring.

He is not worthy of a description.

I don't have anything else to add other than it makes me want to knock the bastard out. I have weak wrists, it would hurt an awful lot, but I'd love to break his face.

Hope to hear from you soon with an update on your day.

I hope Lou is ok, and doesn't feel that her support line is falling apart.

I agree Agatha...

That's why I posted not so long ago about Lou because people are forgetting whose thread this is and why we are here. Some of us have been here since the start and don't want Lou to be scared off. I have seen it on other threads..,

Lou will do whatever is recommended by her solicitor I'm sure.

As far as I saw upthread, babylon does NOT know Lou in RL and should be strongly discouraged from sleuthing, There seem to be lots of rubberneckers here seeing this thread as some form of entertainment and giving WELL dodgy advice. Please just remember tbat this is someone's LIFE. All the projecting, and mega drama just detracts from the reality of what Lou needs to do.

Why the cake?

Portofino, you've made your point & reported it so can you please stop harping on.

Lou, I've been lurking on mumsnet awhile & not posted before but I'm disgusted by what chutney has put you through. You're incredible & I hope the ridiculous arguments haven't put you off posting.

My thoughts are with you & all I care about is that you're getting the support you need. No-one else is important in this situation.

Just bemused to see the same argument being repeated and repeated, hours after it started.

I think the point was made (and hammered home) a long time ago.

Lou is an adult. She can read both sides of the argument just fine.

This thread is meant to be a support thread, so surely bunfighting should be kept to a minimum.

And before I get accused of saying you cannot disagree - I am not saying that, I am saying that clinging onto a bunfight for ages and ages is a bit unhelpful on a sensitive thread like this.

X posted with Nicola!

portofino we are not feckin rubberneckers.

Most of us have been following Lou's 3 threads from the start and offering honest and well-thought through advice. We care about Lou.

Babylon and Lou have made contact outside of MN. Lou has been extremely measured in her response to the Chutney Rod's behaviour. She is a thoughtful and intelligent person who makes good decisions. Let's keep reminding her of that and not spat about some bloody locks and BabylonPI.

I take exception to "these ridiculous arguments" if they refer to my urge that Lou does not recruit a MNetter to do her sleuthing for her.