Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

You could in fact bring a Magic Llama to Strike Back. That probably would be very illegal.

Did the neighbour SEE him pick the lock? It might have been more helpful to you if they had gone and asked him what he was doing, or called the police. You obviously need a better padlock, Lou, maybe one with a number code instead of a key.

The locking door chain that Catsmamma linked to look good.

I am indeed Frank and I am neither worked up nor pissed off. Just trying to suggest some sensible options that the OP should think about doing. Clearly a very distressing time and having been in a not dissimilar position myself many years ago (minus the upduffedness) I am aware that heart tries to overrule head which can land one in rather more bother...

Do keep hoiking your bosoms if you must, but steer the OP on a sensible path at the same time. Revenge, as they say, is a dish best served cold...

And re. the PI thing, it is not the harrassment that is the issue, it is potentially putting another MNetter in danger that bothers me. If you want a PI, then hire a PI.

MadBus

What's a Magic Lama?

Good advice Jux.

@FrankWippery* "Examples of the types of conduct often associated with stalking include: direct communication; physical following; indirect contact through friends, work colleagues, family or technology; or, other intrusions into the victim's privacy."

You've failed to mention that, in most of these cases, there has to be consistent & repeated instances in order for it to be considered "stalking". Getting Babylon (or whoever) to follow him once is not stalking. If it was, every PI in the country would be permanently in jail.

And nobody is telling Lou what to do. She's a big girl, she can decide for herself.

I, personally, would change the locks - but that's just me. It's a civil matter, not criminal and I would far rather take the chance of him going to court to get access than have to be worried that he's coming in when I'm not there. But as I say, that's me.

..meaning your 17:28 post of course, Jux :)

FrankW has been selective in her quote.

Here's the full version of the CPS website description of stalking:

"There is no legal definition of 'stalking'. Neither is there specific legislation to address this behaviour. Rather, it is a term used to describe a particular kind of harassment. Generally, it is used to describe a long-term pattern of persistent and repeated contact with, or attempts to contact, a particular victim.

"Examples of the types of conduct often associated with stalking include: direct communication; physical following; indirect contact through friends, work colleagues, family or technology; or, other intrusions into the victim's privacy. The behaviour curtails a victim's freedom, leaving them feeling that they constantly have to be careful.

"In many cases, the conduct might appear innocent (if it were to be taken in isolation), but when carried out repeatedly so as to amount to a course of conduct, it may then cause significant alarm, harassment or distress to the victim."

I have said ^^ thread that I covertly followed a BF's sister's husband. I checked and double checked because my DH was a Police Inspector and he told me what was permissable/not permissable and how to do it.

I was NOT allowed to do a 'honey trap' under any circumstances (for example).

I have phoned an ex-colleague of late-DH and he confirms that the police would be interested in breaking-=and-entering 'under these circumstances'.

Lou herself says that her dh has anger issues. Why would anyone condone encouraging a stranger off MN to follow him about? Why would anyone volunteer to do such a thing? At the end of the day, it matters not a jot WHERE he is living. What Lou needs is practical advice on how to move forward.

Yes, but what is a magic llama????

a llama that does card tricks perhaps Jux?

I don't think you can divorce someone on the basis of their unreasonable behaviour after the marriage had already broken down.

Of course you can. I did.

It's the unreasonable behaviour that caused the marriage to break down irretrievably in the first place.

On the subject of locks - the nudge-nudge advice is that you lost your keys so had to change the locks.

How are you now Lou? Calmed down a bit.

Lou is perfectly within her rights, surely, to ask a friend to follow Chutney home from work to see where he is living? Seeing as he has abandoned her, pregnant, given her a false address, is entering the marital home without her knowledge by dubious means.

If Lou's friend is happy to do that, I don't really see what business it is of anyone else, really. Plenty of us would be happy to help her out in this small way if asked.

I would definitely look closely at sadwidow's advice - it's smart, sensible and safe whilst yielding the desired result,

I would def call police, Lou - your locked was picked, and it could technically have been anyone...

Once again....Op is not asking a friend to follow her dh. She is asking a stranger from the internet to do it. This person is not party to the personalities of either Op or her dh. She can only work on what Op has posted here. Op has described some abusive behaviour on the behalf of her dh, and said that her family believe he has mental health issues. She herself seems to be alarmed that he has accessed her home. And yet everyone seems to think it a good idea that this person, out of the kindest of motives, follows her dh home from work.

Lou seems to have plenty of friends and family looking out for her. Why not get one of them to do it?

Welll wether or not Lou & Babylon enter into an arangement is up to them.

WRT the locks-yes we all know it's, techinically, illegal to do so if the house is in joint names. But this issue has come up time & again on MN & the general opinion seems to be if the poster feels vulnerable or at risk from an abusive ex then do it & keep a copy of the key.
Let the STBEx find out in his (or her!) own good time, delay replying to the solicitor as long as possible, get a court order if appropriate, but at the right time say "but of course you can have a key I only changed the locks as someone tried to break in one night & I was scared for my safety"

A police officer of many years experience said to me no judge in his/her right mind would baulk at that.

I'm not sure why all of a sudden. A couple of new posters in the thread have shown up. Just to bun fight with people and say dont do this, dont do that.

If you have concerns. Rather than repeat the same concerns, again and again. Pm the posters involved?

This must be awfully unsettling wrt recent events. I do wish that armchair lawyers, or people trying to ram a point home. Could just take a step back if they've got nothing to offer op...or is that asking to much

House - exactly!

I don't understand why Lou HAS to know where he lives. I think that's the least of her problems.

Forget about where he may be living and concentrate on staying sane and healthy and thinking about your future. Knowing where he lives will make no difference to any of these things.

I did not come to pick fights with anyone for goodness sake.

I came to suggest it might be wiser to see a solicitor urgently to take legal action and obtain a court order with regard to the marital home.

I think it quite unwise to suggest the op does things that are likely to aggravate an allegedly mentally unstable person with an apparent history of violent outbursts.

If the majority of you think that's bollocks and unwise advice then I guess the op will need all the help she can get. Legal or not.