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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Chutney Twunt pt 3

999 replies

LouP19 · 14/08/2012 16:39

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

OP posts:
tuckingfits · 16/08/2012 16:11

Fucking weasel. Yes aftereight's suggestion of changing scan time is very sensible if it is possible to do so. He thoroughly doesn't deserve to be there under ant circumstances.

All strength & good wishes to you sweet Lou.

EldritchCleavage · 16/08/2012 16:11

Perhaps you should get a mail redirect to your parents' house. Annoying, but safer. Do change the locks and get a great big padlock on the side gate. On the plus side, he's very rattled to have done this, I think.

MadBusLady · 16/08/2012 16:18

On the other hand, the worst he can do is turn up at the hospital and be a nuisance. They won't let him in to the actual consulting room if you say you don't want him to come in. In fact if he hassles you you could probably ask the porter to escort him out.

I know it would still be pretty horrible and changing appointment is a good idea if possible, but whatever the circumstances you still control access to YOUR appointment so I wouldn't stress too much over that.

lasnosage · 16/08/2012 16:22

I don't think he'd turn up at your appoint as he's too cowardly, plus you may have your folks there. He'd shit.

If anything he might sneak round the house again if he's got a reason to come back?

3kidsand4cats · 16/08/2012 16:22

my ex used to go to the house when i was at work. my solicitor told me he had every right to do this, and he could, legally move back in if he wanted to, as it was his property as much as mine Shock. she told me that i couldn't change the locks, or if i did he could get a court order to get access, but i actually got a bolt fitted on the front door, and 'lost' the back door key, so that i had new keys cut and the kids and me always kept the front door bolted and used the back door. he tried to get in the back door, moaned that i had changed the locks, his solicitor requested that i get him a new key, and my solicitor said i had to as its his house too. all stinks doesn't it. i then put all my personal documents in a big lockable case and keep it hidden.

kinkyfuckery · 16/08/2012 16:24

But if he was in the house for half an hour, what was he doing,......?

Hopefully crying his poor little heart out.

JustAnotherLlama · 16/08/2012 16:25

Agree with aftereight I think it would be a good idea to see if you can change the time of your scan, I wouldn't put it past the chunt to turn up and try and talk you into something.

You're doing so well. He's a sneaky bastard that BabylonPI will hunt down so that you can bring his world down around his chutney filled bubble! Do make sure you check that he's not taken or even copied anything else. It's important you let your solicitor know that he definitely may have seen your letters, so that you can both cover yourself against anything he's going to come back with.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 16/08/2012 16:26

Does he know that you know he spent half an hour in your house? Are you not allowed any privacy?

Am absolutely Angry Angry on your behalf.

Is his car still in the car park at work?

Can BabylonPI Chutney Squad get down there pronto and start her investigation?

ladyWordy · 16/08/2012 16:26

Calmly picked the lock, did he? Where did he learn to do that, in so short a time. Done that sort of thing before, I wonder?

It would be tempting to change the locks, and challenge him to sue you. Or at least fit new double locks and bolts. But I'm sure the legal ladies have advised against this already.

What about new internal door locks? So he can't get access to certain rooms. As in, most of them.

And/or a nice discreet webcam security system ('I can see you?.and you're being recorded!')

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 16/08/2012 16:27

Is there any chance he could have got into your computer?

Original poster
LouP19 · 16/08/2012 16:27

I bet he made a fuss of the cats you know. Urgh. It makes me sick.

I didn't check to see if my wedding/engagement rings were in my drawer - that's the only thing I have of value he could've taken. There were some bills in a box in a file in the spare room (ones he hadn't filed yet) so I'll need to check if they're still there.

I just don't think I can take anymore. And how many times have I said that? My Mum has now rang his parents again in tears and said we cannot tolerate any more of his behaviour. Not sure this will have any effect, but they are at breaking point. It's the sheer powerlessness of it all. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
LouP19 · 16/08/2012 16:30

PS The reason he will have gone today is he will have seen my car in the car park.

Fucking bastard. And yes he has access to the computer.

OP posts:
3kidsand4cats · 16/08/2012 16:30

have you got the marriage certificate lou, i know i asked before, but can't remember if you responded - the person initiating the divorce needs this. find it and give it to parents.

MagicLlamaStrikesBack · 16/08/2012 16:31

Lou

Wow he is a jackass isnt he.

Second the locked filing cabinet idea.

Failing that ive got a german shepherd, im only 45mins away, and so will come and patrol your garden like a security guard, he definately wont get past The Mutt

Original poster
LouP19 · 16/08/2012 16:32

The marriage certificate is in my file, but I didn't check for this when I went home. Jesus. Sad. What on earth can he file for divorce for?

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 16/08/2012 16:32

You didn't leave yourself logged in to MN did you?

Jux · 16/08/2012 16:33

There are no depths to which he will not sink, are there? Oh, you must be so glad to be rid of him, underhanded, cowardly bastard that he is.

Take him to the cleaners, Lou, he deserves no less and you deserve a whole lot more.

The unmitigated turd is not good enough to lick your boots.

MadBusLady · 16/08/2012 16:34

Sorry, I don't mean to be alarmist by that, it looks a bit crazy paranoid! If he did have time to switch the computer on he's more likely to have gone for obvious stuff like email and facebook. Just wanted to check you mightn't have left computer on with this thread in the browser sort of thing.

3kidsand4cats · 16/08/2012 16:35

sweetie, he can't divorce you on any grounds, but he could just take it to stop you divorcing him (or delay you divorcing him, you can always get a copy, i had to do this). just the thought of him poking around - makes me sick, i remember how my stomach turned when i knew my ex had been snooping around.

atosilis · 16/08/2012 16:39

Now you know he is getting into the house, put everything of value/privacy into a room and get a bolt/padlock for that door. Lock it and take the key with you everywhere.

I have truly run out of expletives for this pondscum.

FrankWippery · 16/08/2012 16:40

Erm, it is his house too, so legally there is absolutely nothing that can be done to prevent him entering unless you have a court order against it. I'd imagine he would be hopping mad at not being able to open his own front door, so I'm not surprised he went round the back. But, wow, at his lock picking abilities, that's amazing.

It doesn't really matter whether he has a copy of the marriage cert or not - he can always order one and what difference does it make if he has it anyway? It's his marriage certificate too... Also he has, currently, no grounds for divorce. However, locking him out and preventing access to his own legal home, having him followed etc etc may possibly lead to handing him grounds of unreasonable behaviour on a plate.

I am staggered at some of the advice on here.

Babylon1 · 16/08/2012 16:40

Lou he can't honey, only irretrievable breakdown but that would be based on his behaviour not yours Angry

The only reason I could foresee him wanting that certificate is to stop you filing for divorce Angry

Controlling bastard AngryAngry

Jux · 16/08/2012 16:40

Put a password on your computer, or change the current one. ChutneyBollocks would be easy to remember!

MagicLlamaStrikesBack · 16/08/2012 16:40

Actually Lou forget the dog, you can have AttackCat. Shes absolutely adorable but if she doesnt know you, and you come wandering in she just goes straight for you crazy fucker Shed set him right.

Mmmnotsure · 16/08/2012 16:41

So this is the new padlock which you put on the gate? And he picked it? Sorry, but how does one pick a lock? It is usual for people to know how to do that?

You need to feel safe and to be safe in your own house. What if he decides to pick the replacement lock and come into the house again, perhaps while you are there? Asleep? Goodness knows Lou I don't want to worry you, but you do have to feel safe.

How about losing the back door key and replacing that lock, obviously because you then have to? And keeping the front door bolted from the inside? If he wants to have a spare key for access, then that could obviously take a few days to sort out, and then you will be further down the line with input from your solicitor.

Was the pushing you out of the car the only incidence of violent behaviour? Perhaps your solicitor can suggest an approach re this . . .