Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

Phacelia that's a great post.

I had cramp and back aches with both mine (probably worse than period pain) and remember the going to the loo to check for bleeding.

Also both mine were good happy babies- t first 6 months can actually be a lovely time when you manage to get out with your baby where it is you and baby discovering each other and the world. I had horrendous fears of my life being over when dd1 was born. So it was in a way but a better life replaced it.

Oh and as for not meeting anyone else as tons of people here can verify don't let that put you off. I was adopted by wonderful dad (step dad) after my dad did a chutney.

The decision on baby is yours but please it doesn't mean that you are going to lose out on things necessarily.

Thanks for your post Phacelia. I agree with you, he certainly hasn't sounded happy whenever I've spoken to him. As odd as it sounds, if he'd have said 'I've fallen in love with someone, I don't love you anymore', it might have at least made things seems a bit more final. But when he told me on Tuesday that the OW is pregnant, he sounded desperate more than anything. He said the reason he'd gone to live with her is because he knew he would not be able to stay with me in these circumstances. Everything he's done is due to cowardice. I asked him if he loved her and he just said 'She's very different to you and she really wants to me with me'. It doesn't sound very good for her, does it?

Could all be more placatory claptrap, but I don't give their relationship long, whatever the circumstances. And there is already a small sense of satisfaction in that. She hasn't even met his family or friends, how weird is that?!! 'Hello, this is my knock off and your new grandchild'. The whole thing smacks of desperation on both their parts,.......

Yes, I would be devastated if my OH ever replied to the question, "do you love me?" with "Well, you really want to be with me." I wouldn't bet a penny on our chances.

That sort of phrase is just said to hurt you as well Lou. Like this is somehow something you could have prevented and is your fault.

To borrow Oprah's phrase: What I know for sure is this. In years to come you will be happy, loved and at peace with your choices. He won't be.

In fact when I asked him if he wanted to be with her, his first response was 'I actually want to be with you, but I know it wouldn't work now because you would never forgive me'.

ALL of his decisions and reasons are shocking.

He is only capable of loving himself,......

hi Lou i know you are in a difficult place now, but i get the feeling from your posts that you don't want to be on your own, especially with a baby. once or twice now you've said about meeting someone else. on the one hand it is great that you can see a future with another man, because it shows that you can see that all men are not like him (thank god). but i do think that the thought of a future alone is scarier than the reality of it. i have 3 kids, lots of friends and family, and i actually love being single, i really do. there are downsides too, and i do get lonely, but to be honest i think i was more isolated in my marriage because ex withdrew from me. your ex has shown his true colours with you and this is the man you tried so hard to have a baby with. i really think that even if the affair hadn't happened, because of the way he is, even if you were with him and pregnant, at some point, he would leave you. so you would be alone with a baby/small child. this way you know exactly what you have ahead, so like i said yesterday please focus on the facts and not the what ifs. babies are hard work, but they bring a joy unimagined. obviously it is your decision, but please try and be positive about being single. it won't be easy, but for me its a lot lot easier than being in an unhappy marriage. sometimes the thought of the future is a lot worse than the reality.

Got to say I met more new people when preggo an with a new baby than in the previous 3 years. So many mum and baby groups, the family is always clucking around and not all babies cry all the time. Both mine slept through from 4 months old and literally never cried unless they positively ought to have been crying. Don't let the negative stereotypes scare you. Of course you may be unlucky but there's an at least even chance you won't!

However much it hurts Lou, you are better off without him.

oh he's something! 'I actually want to be with you, but I know it wouldn't work now because you would never forgive me'
And voila, it's suddenly all your fault! Not that he cheated and left you, but he would still totally be with you, but you just can't forgive him. How absurd is that?

I did think that,... almost 'if you would forgive me, I might consider coming home'. All about him, him, him. Like he is the only one who has any right to make decisions. Arrggghh!

I'm asking Babylon1 for her PI help. Can't guarantee, but it makes me feel a bit more in control.

i don't know about others experience, but my ex blamed it all on me, saying it was my fault he didn't love me any more. i think this is normal. i would have found it easier if he had manned up and admitted it was him rather than blame me. he told our daughters that he would have had a breakdown if he had stayed with me, and that caused me so much distress at the time. its their cop-out. so like hazlenutt says, its so absurd.

Hi Lou - he's still following the script... My STBXH told me he didnt love me, he didnt want to be with me, walked out. Then after I discovered all the texting etc I said that it would never work anyway as I would never trust him again.

This was then twisted round by him so that I said the marriage was over and I wanted a divorce as I didnt trust him. Thereby making it look to his friends and family like I had ended it all, when in reality I had begged and begged him to try again.

You have retained your dignity and treated him with the contempt that he deserves. People have said that I am strong and some have even called me an inspiration (which I dispute, lol) but you truly are amazing, you truly are an inspiration in the way that you have handled this.

Chocoraisin was an inspiration to many people with how she has dealt with her H walking out while she was pregnant with DS2.

The selfishness of these twunts never ceases to amaze me. Its all about them, what they want, how they feel. They do not take our feelings into account at all because to do that would be acknowledging what total twunts they really are.

Exactly - well if you just say you forgive me, I might consider doing you the massive favour and coming home.
Oh, but of course you can never mention any issues ever again, then I will accuse you of not keeping your promise to forgive.
Also, I will hold the threat that I might leave again over your head for the rest of our lives - again it will be your fault, as you a) could nto forgive and b) simply could not appreciate me the way the OW does.

You're better off without him!

So glad you are going to take Babylon up on her offer. You will be in a stronger position when you know where he is and more about what's going in. Especially if he doesn't KNOW you know.

Yay, go Babylon! Its amazing what comes out of MN isnt it. I have made new friends and had so much support on here and you are too.

I hope that she can find out where he lives and spraypaint all over the wall chutney twunt lives here.

Thinking back to the poster who said he's getting his ducks in a row. LouP is getting armed to shoot them all down.

Well I always believe that 'knowledge is power' so I am delighted to hear that PI Babylon has been given her mission.

Stay strong Lou - you will get through this.

Just checking in to say I have a plan and by this time next week at the very very latest, Lou will have all the info she needs to blow the chutney twunting bastard right out of the water

He's lovely isn't he? If you forgive him he will happily dump another woman and his child so he can just sail on with you. Ask him if he'd bring his bloody chutney back with him too!

I have read all your threads as they've developed and I am totally in awe of you. You have behaved with so much dignity in the face of his intolerable crap. You are a much better woman than I.

Would it be terribly bigheaded of me to do a name change?? PIBabylon sounds cool!!

Babylon, I said on another thread that I had done this for BF's sister. (She knew something was wrong and paid a PI for 2 weeks - very expensive - and he got nothing.) She couldn't afford the PI any longer, so I took 'lessons' from my Police Inspector DH on how to tail a suspect. It paid off, I had him nailed to an address in an afternoon! (I wish I had literally nailed him... it turned out he was a bigamist in a 10 year 2nd 'marriage' with 2 children.) BF's sister had been married to him for 19 years.

Good luck Babylon. Lou needs to know who she is and where he is shacked up living.

Oh sorry PI Babylon, I didn't give you your terribly important new title in my last post. My apologies

"PI Babylon - Twunt Squad"

He's a peach isn't he. It's all about him. Diddums. It's almost like he thinks that he's a victim of circumstances. Boo fucking hoo to that.

I agree that his new relationship is on shaky ground at best.

I'd want to know too. Glad you have taken Babylon up on her offer.

And Babylon - I vote for BabylonPI (like Magnum PI) rather than PIBabylon!

lazarusb has made a good point. Maybe if he'd promise to bring his condiments back then all would be forgiven. Honestly, he makes my blood boil on your behalf. You are a gem Lou.

babylon, yes you must namechange - PIBabylon or BabylonPI is perfect