I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

am also that he thinks he can cherrypick his children - and you take one he gets the other, it looks a bit like he's dreading the arrival of no.2 actually but that is NOT A VALID EXCUSE to treat you badly.

That is why I think you need to get some space.

If you're near in in Derbyshire I can probably help out with anything you need today. PM me if you need to.

Liza, all three of us lay in bed in the dark, and while dd slept soundly, he whispered a load of resentment, hate (for me) and self-disgust at leaving, and I lay listening.

All three of us huddled up together, in the dark, arms and legs all entwined.

Oh love, I wish you could see just how disturbing and wrong that is.

He needs to sort his head out and you need to protect yourself from that.

I don't often tell people to get out but that is just disturbing and I'm quite concerned for you.

He is twisting all your lives with this and you need to be away from it. I understand being away is scarier at the moment but I promise you sincerely that you will have so much support, you will feel a weight lift.

He said he was planning on leaving the country but if I said he could take dd, he'd stay in the same city.

He asked if I would allow him to see the dc once he'd gone. I said yes. I said I was lying.
He said his children were not his anyway because I could pack my bags at any point and leave - I have done this in the past.

He said there is no point in getting more and more attached.

He said I was lying, not I said .

Thanks Liza, I'm nowhere near Derbyshire though.

Right you need to stop dithering and GET UP and go. Report him to the police for assault today. DO NOT let him take your dd anywhere away from you - think about how she would feel! Get calling woman's aid and just go with your dd. Please don't stay around for anymore abuse.

I asked him to sleep with us, in all honesty.
He did, but then it all came out like a dam had burst and he couldn't stop. We hadnt talked for over a week previously.
I just needed to hold him and pretend it was all a huge nightmare. It was very real.

Pathetic

Not pathetic love - please try to stop feeling like that but you nee to get smart and play the game if you are going to succeed. Don't ever leave without your dd. Don't tell him you found anything. Just act normal. Does he go to work on Monday? Is he out today? Keep your dd with you and as soon as you can - report him for that abuse and ask the police to keep him away. Can some of your family come and stay with you? Or ring woman's aid and get the hell away from him with your dd.

Just read all this. I really feel for you.

Please ring women's aid, even if it's just for advice.

I really hope you get help with all this.

I don't feel I can report him to the police over the slap. Not because it isn't violence, I know it is.
I just can't do it.
I will ring women's aid for some advice. But I just can't get the police involved. I wouldn't be able to do it to him or us as a family. I know what everyone's going to say, but I'm being as honest as I can while also trying to absorb the situation.

Good for you. That is a positive step. Don't worry about the household things. They are just "things".

You and DD are what matters.

This sounds awful, poor you

Just a thought though, presumably his family know they are jointly owned items, and that you have not given permission for them to be sold, would it be handling stolen goods?

Well done, womens aid is such a good start for you, you're about the opposite of pathetic.

Will be thinking of you and will check back when I can.

My DM, DSis and I had to leave our house in the dead of the night. My father had been emotionally abusive for years. It came to a head when my DM was diagnosed with cancer. He refused to take her to the hospital. She drove herself there. He then went to the car park and took the car and gave it away. He said that she wouldn't need it anymore cause she was going to die.
I came home from school and couldn't get in as he had dead locked the door. I could hear my DSis inside. She was only 3. I was 14. Turned out he was upstairs, shagging the bitch that worked for mum and dad.
He had packed up lots of mum and I's stuff and had booked an auction house to come and take it all away. He didnt touch my DSis things. I was getting to mouthy for his liking and he wanted rid of mum and i but planned in keeping my DSis. He was planning on telling SS that mum couldnt cope with her whilst ill. I somehow found this out and didn't tell him I knew.
I walked to my friend's house and phoned my gran.
To cut to the end, mum checked herself out and came home. (he had no idea when she was due back anyway.
When he went to "work", (we had worked out this was code for the OW) several of mum's friends and family took our stuff, dog and budgie too and we got the hell out of there.
It was scary in the build up but I can't tell you the relief in getting away. My DM couldn't work either because of her cancer treatment but got benefits. That is what they are for - people who really need them. There is no shame in getting the help you need.
Things were tight and we were squashed into a tiny flat but we were safe. My DSis was a total Daddy's girl and several times DM wondered of she had done the right thing taking her but DSis would have missed either of her parents as much and we had to keep her safe.
Your DC need you, you can do this.

Hey OP

Your DH needs help but this pressure on you is so very wrong.

He needs to leave the house sooner rather than later.

You are not pathetic, you are trying to cope with an awful situation.

Please ring Women's Aid.

How awful for you all, Drama. Does your sister acknowledge now, presumably as an adult, that your mum did the right thing?

He sounds as though he has severe MH problems, to me. I would be looking at getting a doctor involved.

Does he work? Can he keep up a facade there?

Yes, my sister was too little at the time to understand the manipulation and abuse. She went every weekend but as she got older, like me started questioning his behaviour. DM, DSis and I became as strong a unit as you could get.
She saw by the time she was about 10 that mum had absolutely done the right thing.
My mum didn't think she was strong enough but she is my inspiration. Love her with all my heart.

Yes, really if you can't ring the police ring women's aid.

What he is doing is sucking every ounce of confidence out of you about your parenting. IME children of abusers often display much more excitement and "love" for the abuser than the victim and it is a part of the abuse. He is teaching dd that you are pathetic and unloveable, he is teaching you that you are pathetic and unloveable because that is what he thinks. What he is doing with her may well be parental alienation and another way to abuse you by showing you how he is capable of love and kindness but not for you.

Please do not even consider allowing him to have your dd. As soon as he has left you you cannot tell how he will behave around dd I think, he is already embroiling her in his abuse of you.

It is often strong and caring people who end up with abusers. There is a challenge in knocking them down, their strength means they stay and put up with the abuse, their caring natures mean they try to help and protect the one who is hurting them. It is not pathetic to feel how you are, it is very normal, it is important that you phone WA and I do think if you can call the police because those things are what will protect you and dd in the long run. This relationship cannot and will not last forever.

I know you dont want to leave but is there no warm home with friends or family you could go to?

You need security and a proper base for your family until you can get back on yor feet. The threat of eviction is not nice, you cant live like that.Can you stay with parents etc?

Thank you to all posters x

That is so Sad about your dm having cancer and father doing such things. How can people do it to their own blood.

Yes he works and always has done. He seems fine in all his other relationships with his family , parents , friends etc. it's just me that is the devil's work, and that he cannot stand the sight of - his words. Because I'm making him lose his dc.

What should I ask WA? I had a nap and woken up as I slept at past 7 am, and my mind has gone completely blank.

My df passed away last year. My dm lives an hour away, she is 73. This is killing me to write down for the first time, but I don't want to live there mainly because my brother who lives with her, is a drug abuser. We have battled with this for what seems most of my life, I am the youngest. It doesn't ever go away, and he lives his life in perpetual darkness - I think he's given up the search for his sunrise.

I can't live there with dd. I've done it in the past when I've left. I can't do it again.

DD adores him, my DB, and in a big house it's easy for her to slip away and climb up to his room and find him in a state, or in the process of abusing. I was always on edge , it felt like neglect to dd to just be living there and putting her in such an environment.
I just want a safe place to rest my head and take my babies, close the door to the world. Why is that too much to ask.