I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

He is physically, emotionally, and financially abusive.

Please, please call Women's Aid. They will know how to protect you and the steps you should take to protect YOUR home and YOUR things.

What you've written above is grounds to go to the police.

I talked to him when they came home, after I'd put DD in the bath.

He said I was cold hearted! I didn't mention the list.

He can take it all if he wants, at least he can't touch DD's books. All 200 of them. I bought them all, each and every one.

And doin so glad you got yourself sorted xxx

No, OP, he CAN'T take it all if he wants. That isn't fair. You should keep a list and a photo of everything in your house, in my opinion, and store them on an email to yourself. You should also fight for your share of things. Don't go down without a fight.

OK, I'm going to try not to sound melodramatic but

He slapped you
He smashed a cup near you and DD in anger
He has a plan to sell your possessions before you split
He has not considered how this will affect his DD

Why are you not ready to rock the boat? It is already rocked. Now is the time to get in control and start calling the shots.

Womens' Aid (I went to many refuges as a child - DM was a victim of DV, I actually loved living in them - lots of kids and toys!) is your first port of call.

Good luck xx

What a rotten man, flogging things off cheaply that his children will need, and what a rotten family he has agreeing to rob your dcs of their belongings. They sound like vile vultures

From a legal point there is no way he can flog things off you BOTH own without your permission surely?

When my parents were getting divirced Im sure they were instructed not to sell or permantly remove anything from the home before the settlement or it would be classed as theft, though I was never sure of the finer details.

I feel sick reading your op. Much love to you and your lovely dcs x

There is a thread here talking about a similar situation, though it might be slightly out of date

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/Discuss-anything/5188-Can-she-take-marital-assets-without-consent.html

Note how they say the parent who the children are expected to live with will normally keep domestic goods and equipment.

I think I'd be fairly cold around my husband if he slapped me across the face and smashed crockery with no thought of the effect on his daughter.

It's all find Sunrise, you will be ready when YOU are ready, you are NOT a coward and no one here thinks that.

this is all about you taking back control and people here will help you as much as you want.

(still think it's a good idea for you to get the file of docs ready, regardless of how long it might take you, if things move quickly when you do it will save you masses of time and stress)

Oh Sunrise! You have come to the right place. The advice everyone's been giving you about Women's Aid and the Police and CAB and Social Services is right but I think Women's Aid is best now that it's the weekend unless you need to call 999 then don't hesitate, the police will help.

Don't let H know you have seen the list. He'll only gaslight you. To preempt one story he might feed you, get a credit check done to see if there are debts registered at your house. I'm pretty sure I did one on the web and your friend Google should help unless someone here knows where to do it (Anyone?)

Cannot believe the treatment you are being subjected to. You can make it better for you and DD and I'm sending you clarity and strength to do what is right for you. Keep safe and I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. You do not deserve it and can have so much better. MN is always here, every step of the way to give you support and strength. One step at a time, you can do it.

Make yourself a cuppa and have a biccie. A moment of normality and a tiny boost to your blood sugar. And then, make that call! Women's Aid.

Nothing to add, but thinking of you. Gather your strength and then start to take some of the wonderful advice on here by women who've been in your situation.

Be strong.

Anyone there?

I've been talking to him all night.
He said its all over. He's leaving in a month. He hasn't paid the rent in two months so we're in arrears.

I don't know what I'm going to do with a seven month pregnancy and dd. I really don't. If I wasn't so far pregnant, I'd look for a job ASAP, but I am. And that's why I feel ten times more vulnerable and unable to cope.
I am going out of my mind.

I know we had problems - big problems, but s part of me believed it would all be ok in the end.
Even though it was staring me in the face the whole time.
I've not slept all night - and my sunrise still never came - and wont do for a very long time I dont think.
How could he do this to us.

You are in an awful situation. Can you not call a family member to come and collect you and DD and all the things you want to take with you?

It would be easy to do that youhave but I actually want him to walk out of that door on us, so that it makes me realise that he is not worth the tears I am spilling over him.
It sounds like self-punishment but I want him to actually do that, so I can hate him and feel angry.
Right now I'm far from both feelings.

Sorry, yougotta not youhave

How can someone who begged for this second baby do something like this six months down the line?
He said I've turned him into a cold hearted evil monster, and now he doesn't even care about the baby. Not one tiny bit.
He asked if he could take dd and I 'keep' the newborn.
I said I would die without dd, at which point he gave a hollow laugh and said 'welcome to my world'.
He has a fantastic relationship with dd, there's no denying. But I really would lose the will to live without my little shiny star.

But you already know he's not worth anything. He's already abused you and told you that it's over. The only reason he's still there is probably to sort his own self out, i.e getting a place to stay etc. What is he going to do with the money he gets from items sold? Do you think he'll even give any to you? Anyway, you're not safe there. Take what you want and get out to safety.

I know youvegotta. But I'm ashamed to admit that im clinging on in hope thinking it will all be ok. It's just so so out of character. There's a massive massive backstory to all of this. It's been going on for ages. He's recently admitted to feeling suicidal.
I don't know what to think.

Oh love, I'm here listening too - have to go out in about an hour.

Tob be honest I still think you can do this better on your own, you will besurp[rised to discover how much of your energy this man is sapping.

Do not be ashamed of ANYTHING right now.

Als agree with what Yougotta is saying.. preservation for you and the kids at the moment..

I know it's heartbreaking, but this really is for the best. Is there no one in RL you can phone today for some support?

Your really are better off with out him. I know it doesn't feel that way just now.

Can you call any friends or parents for support?? What he's done is despicable. Big hugs sunrise. Please look after yourself - remember to eat. Keep posting.

Sorry I haven't read any of your previous post but If there's any way to make it work the process can still start while you are in safety somewhere else. If you make the move it will make it easier for you both to think. Is his family any good? Or is there someone else who could help? If he's feeling suicidal has he talked to a doctor?

I've posted two long replies and my iPhone hasn't allowed them for some reason.
Probably too bitter to process. I was just saying about how he begged for this baby, and how he said it would make us a proper family.
And I was laughing at myself as my profession is with children.
What a hypocrite I am.

He does sound terrified, but that's his problem to work out right and right now you have to concentrate on your DD and your pregnancy.

You need to make sure you are secure - even if this can work out in the future (though I'm afraid I suspect when you're settled you'll realise how dreadful he's been)

You have your children, your husband or partner is supposed to help you look after them, not compete with them.