I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

And the tears come again, in floods.

Oh Sunrise, I know this isn't how you wanted it to be but you have absolutely done the right thing. Your horror that he could flip like that was palpable and you have protected all three of you from immediate danger. Well done!

I'd get in touch with the police who can help you get the things you need from the house because I should think there'll be things you didn't manage to grab. Then when you've had a moment to take a breath I'm sure this will make a difference to your housing situation so talk with them.

Hooray for your friend . She may have little to share and a sofa is certainly not ideal for a pregant lady and a child but at least you're safe. What a star she is and it shows what a lovely friend you are that she is there for you when you really need her.

You poor thing, how are you holding up?

Your starting point has to be the police. Contacting the police doesn't mean that your h will be arrested or charged with any offence but it does mean that all of the services you need will become available to you.

If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your dd.

Hi OP

ive just sat and thread through your whole thread. Ive finally got away from my abusive ex after a year of yoyoing. he was also struggling with MH issues and because he had ground me down so much i believed for a long time that even though it looked like abuse it really wasnt because he wasnt a monster, he was unwell, and if I helped him more, tried something different etc he would change back into the man I had fallen in love with when we were both 17 and at school. i didnt want to believe he was dangerous, didnt want to believe he would lose it with me, didnt want to believe that I didnt know his limits and how far he would go. And then one day when we had a massive row and agreed to split up he turned because I suppose he had nothing to lose. he started waving a sword around (he collected weapons) and I realised in that moment that i had been utterly utterly stupid. I left the next morning after barricading myself in my daughters room with her all night. I went into refuge and had a fantastic month but then sadly went back. i then had months of thinking everything was fine before realising he had slowly been ramping up the EA again until Id got to a point where I was back where I had been before and had to plan to leave all over again. Again things came to a head and I left in a hurry. Again i was away for a month - this time I walked into the council offices with all my belongings, stated that i was fleeing DV and they put me in a B&B for a week and then a lovely little studio flat. Again I was away for a month and I went back but this time it was different. this time I was pregnant (few weeks) and knew I wanted him out of my life. I went back and I did something which was potentially dangerous but which i needed to do - I knew he was moving hundreds of miles away for a job and I faced him and told him very calmly that i didnt love him anymore and that I wanted him out of my life and that i would be taking the flat when he left. he was vile for a few days and now he has gone.

I too am facing being alone and pregnant with a toddler. i am relishing the challenge. I have moved all the furniture round. I have put throws and cushions on the sofa and put candles everywhere. I have my music playing all day and we do silly things like go to the park just before bedtime in our pjs!! (DD is 17mo). we had a pea fight at dinner. when shes in bed i light all the candles and turn off the lights and snuggle down with the TV or a good book in my cosy little nest. Yes its hard but every second that you smile and your DD smiles back is a triumph. every thing you cope with is a building block to your strength. You are showing your daughter that she should always value herself and that women are strong amazing creatures. we are weebles, no matter how many times we are wobbled we dont fall down. I intend to badger you with support for as long as you post. you can do this and so can I. PM me if you need to talk. be so proud of what you have achieved.

Right now I can see that you are dealing with the shock of him having lost it like that. stay with your friend tonight - it sounds as though he is escalating. Mine did that when it got closer to him leaving. Refuge could be an ideal stop gap and truly is an amazing experience - even for just a few days. They have no issue with you leaving if you want. Sending you a huge hug and tonnes of support.

Seconding Izzy. Please, please do this. You need to get both DD and the baby on the way into a better situation - and that's how you can.

Thinking of you so much. Hang on in there - this is a terrible time, but there are good and happy ones in store for you and your babies too. Hold on to that - as someone once said, when going through hell, keep going.

Im with the posters suggesting that you contact the police OP. You cant let him smash your stuff up and drive you out of your own home.

Sunrise, relieved to see you are safe with your friend tonight. Please do consider calling the police - he won't be able to intimidate them , and the DV team can help you move forward. Please let them help you protect you and your babies.

\well done Willow, well done.

Sunrise glad to hear you're both safe, hope you can get some rest.

Thanks lessemin

its amazing the little things that you dont realise make such a difference ... for instance right now Id have had to go to bed because he did. instead I am leaping around the living room shrieking along to Mamma Mia! and I didnt do any washing up for three days just because I could. I feel liberated. thats whats important. this year hes sold loads of my stuff while I havent been here including my clothes. hes chucked out all my ornaments and sentimental stuff. it just doesnt matter anymore. Who I am hasnt been chucked away or sold and neither has my daughter.

(sorry for thread hijack OP!! its just gone to my head a bit!!)

Thinking of you sunrise and hoping you're ok (or as well as you can be under the circumstances)

Thanks for replies all.

Dd has finally fallen asleep.
I'm lying here wondering what happened to my life, what turn in life I took or bad deed I did that I am being punished so severely for.
I don't think I've hurt someone as badly as this, not knowingly, not intentionally like this. Then why is this happening to me?
What have my innocent babies done to deserve this?

Sunrise, it took me about 1hr to read all your posts and I am admiring how strong and resolved you are being. I think you have taken all the necessary steps and at your own pace.. NO ONE should judge you for that.
It seems to me that you were finally starting to feel a certain peace within yourself and maybe seeing a way out when he suddenly flipped. You are going through such a roller coaster of emotions
I guess you need answers and need to pinpoint the exact time and moment it all went wrong..sorry, I do not have the answers to your questions.
I just want peace for you, and your children, especially considering that you are pregnant and soon due?
As much as you're very confused and lonely, I feel that you have a plan for you and your children and just go with it. Step by step, a day at a time.You will get there..

Thanks amum - I am hoping for that peace too, in the form of a sunrise. One day I will rise with the sun, and my life will be bright and full of warmth, and so will DD's and baby's.
Tomorrow if it's nice weather, I'll take dd to the park for scooter practice.
My poor poor dd. I cannot believe all these things that are happening in front of her eyes. I had always vowed to keep her safe, away from such Poisen - and now look. I have failed her so badly.
My beautiful, clever little shiny star is worth so much more than this.

Sunrise, you have done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve any of this and you are not being punished. The situation you have been in is intolerable and it is not your fault. The steps you have taken to make you all safe are a triumph of your love and responsibility when you have every right to be feeling tired and vulnerable. You are an amazing woman and mother.

It sounds as if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed with the turn of events and you had said you didn't expect it to come to this. But then, when it mattered you made all the right decisions and I'm sure you will continue to do so. There are wonderful people here who know how things work for DV and housing and separations and a myriad of other practical issues and I'm sure you can rely on them to help you out. You do need some RL help though and I think the advice to involve the police will open many doors quickly and easily and you'll find you can make your own decisions still but with many more options.

Sending a friendly and some to brighten your day. Your first thoughts as always are for your DD so I think you should feel that there are people here caring about you too. First things first, a bite to eat for you and baby and breakfast for DD, then make that phone call to the police and work out when the all important scooter time will fit in. That's quite enough for one plan of action. One step at a time and never feel alone.

Right - you keep saying you have let your daughter down etc etc. Now is the time to sort it out. Pull yourself together, be proactive and get it SORTED.

Report him to the police and make plans to get your own place.

Sorry to sound harsh but you need to get a grip otherwise life is just going to get worse

Yes Bonkers is right, you must start to think of yourself and your dcs.

Did you report him smashing the place up?

Do you know where he is now?

Can you tell his family what he has done now?

i can remember asking the "why am i being punished" question over and over. Whenever we face hardship in life we often ask that question and there is never a definitive answer. i now believe that everything happens for a reason. Whilst what you and I and many others have been through in life is horrific, it has happened. With me its tested me - made me realise what is important in life and to value myself in a way that I never had done before (I had abusive parents). i am young enough to be able to turn my life around for the better. You are also just starting your journey as a parent - you are soon going to have two wonderful little babies and this is your chance to make a completely fresh start for you and them. Its a harsh way for life to change and it takes time to process and then begin to heal but you will get that sunrise - you will come out of the other side of this and realise you are stronger and a new woman; one who can be a shining role model to her children. thats what you need to focus on now. Not the pain you are currently feeling and the questions. there will be time for them later. Right now you need to get that tiger instinct going and protect those babies. you need to find some anger and some strength and channel that into fighting fot your safety. If you feel wobbly and scared genuinely imagine you are a tiger defending your cubs from a predator or rival tiger - it really helps, i do it all the time!!

I have had to report to the police many times and they wonr automatically charge round and arrest him. If you dont want them to contact him at all they wont. The important thing is that it is logged so that there is a paper trail of his abuse. This will help hugely with securing housing and with a solicitor. I didnt report any of the sexual abuse until long after it happened and after pouring out some very painful accounts was told nothing could be done because it was my word againts his as I hadnt reported it at the time. Thats a situation you dont want to be in if anything further happens in the future. Call the non emergency number and just say that you want to log an incident of DV. They'll send someone out to see you who will write everything down and then atell you what different action they can take but will ask YOU what you want them to do. The ball is always very much in your court.

have a lovely day with DDs scooter practice and keep safe.

Thanks willow - I'll message you x

Bonkers - I think I already have a grip, but thanks for that.

What are you planning to do? Have you called the Police?
If you are planning to go back to your home, might I suggest that you avoid doing anything that might inflame the situation, or piss him off?
Had you spoken to him about moving his belongings?
You should not have to tread eggshells around him, but given that you know he has a tendency for volatile behaviour, it would be sensible to either stay away, or keep your head down and keep things calm.

Hope your okay OP.

I really think it would be a bad idea to go back home and to not phone the police. I think it would not be safe for your daughter in these circumstances and I know she is your main concern.

I went back home and he has gone. He's taken his clothes. I've texted him and no reply.
His mum doesn't know where he is.
Dd and I stayed at my sister in laws house last night (his older sister). I told her everything that has gone on. She's very supportive.
We went last night to the flat to pick up some things, but he wasn't there and there was no sign of him having come back either. It looked so abandoned and sad, with a smashed tv stood in the corner. The remains of a family home that once was.

Are you now going to call the Police and get the locks changed?

Well at least that's one thing he's not going to be able to sell to a relative. Clear it up, put on some dancy music , stick some flowers in a vase, put up some of DC's pictures (or paint some) and some fairy lights. Tell your DC this is a happy house now.

And please, forget all this 'what have I done to deserve this?' malarkey. Believe me, with the life I've had you'd have thought I'd been a mass murderer in my past life. It's all cock. Some of us have bad luck, some have good. But must of us who've been through shit tend to have good times coming our way, and that's you, mrs. The sun will be rising soon