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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I found a list in my husbands pocket

601 replies

InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 20:51

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help Sad

OP posts:
doinmummy · 10/08/2012 22:16

You poor thing. What a shockingly cruel thing for him to do.

Can you let us know where you live? I'm sure someone on here has room to help store your stuff.....I would gladly help.

See a solicitor...I'm certain you would get legal aid.

Try and keep calm, although easier said than done.

Are you scared of him? Do you think you can get through the wekend ok?

My heart goes out to you.

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 22:19

I am scared of creating a scene yes.

He's recently slapped me, when I called him a bastard. And he smashed a cup full of tea very close to where I was standing. Dd was there.
Yes I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 22:22

Doin - I don't feel like I can remove these things without it all escalating into hell.

Thanks to everyone who has offered though, it does mean a lot.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 10/08/2012 22:23

He has no legal right to auction your jointly owned items off to members of his family or any other persons.

If he should attempt to do so, dial 999 - in a situation like this, the police are your friends.

doinmummy · 10/08/2012 22:25

Call womens aid . They are fantastic and can give you support and loads of advice. They did a lot of phoning round for me and sorted things out that I didn't feel up to doing.

Please do not feel as if this is a step too far, lots of women I have spoken to said that they didn't feel their case was serious enough to call them. Womens aid do not judge situations in that way .

doinmummy · 10/08/2012 22:27

0800 2000 247 they are open 24 hours a day , every day.

doinmummy · 10/08/2012 22:29

They came out in the middle of the night, picked me up and took me somewhere safe.

Please call them. I am worried about you .x

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 22:31

Doin - what happened after that? Is it ok if I ask that? I'm just so afraid because I don't know.

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 10/08/2012 22:32

Women's aid. When did he slap you? Call the police op. tell them he slapped you. You've found this. He's now planning to clear your house out. Press charges for assault.

I'm sorry he slapped you op, but this is your golden ticket TO GET HIM OUT. He did the tea thing and slap Infront of dd. in this instance the police and social services are your friends x

chubbasmum · 10/08/2012 22:35

you can ask him to leave and if he refuses call the police on him he sounds like a scheming so and so who doesnt give any consideration to his child and the unborn baby as well and shame on his family.

chubbasmum · 10/08/2012 22:39

OMG he slapped you !!!! im with House....... on this one get the police and get him out sooner rather than later assaulting a pregnant woman

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 10/08/2012 22:44

Oh my love, how unbearably horrid.

BUT (it's meant to be a big but..)

It sounds like this could be a good catalyst for you, one that means you can understand how dreadful this person is and that is really, truly isn't all your fault.

My confidence in everything about me had been totally eroded by my exh, I wasn't even confident I was any good at basic care for our DS, I wouldnt be able to pick him up without dropping him etc, and I just didn't notice how low he'd dragged me. There was one single moment when I suddenly got clarity and that enabled me to walk away from him in the sure and certain knowledge that it was HIM that was the problem, not me. Once I had that I could do it, even knowing how hard it was going to be. It surprised me beyond imagining that once I'd gone it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected from either a practical or emotional point of view.

get copies/originals of all important documents (Bank stuff, passports, birth certificates etc) in a safe place (ask a friend to store them maybe) it's a small thing but one less to worry about when you go.

good luck, and I hope that sunrise comes soon for you, I'll be saying a prayer tonight for you. there are lots of people here all the time and you should try to keep talking.

doinmummy · 10/08/2012 22:46

i called Womens aid in a panic. i wanted to get out of the house before my drunk partner came home and battered me.

A lovely lady came round , very,very diplomatic. She parked round the corner and called me to make sure it was still ok to knock on the door and check whether I still wanted to go with her.

She took me to a refuge( sounds bleak but actualyy a nice house)

I was given something to eat and drink and then I talked and talked and talked. They listened.

I was given a nightie, tooth brush,toothpaste and clean knickers (brand new).

The following day I cried and cried and cried and they held me.

I stayed for a week. They were lovely.

I spoke to other women there. Some had been helped to get benefits and housing. Womens aid ladies filled out forms etc for them.

They will make calls for youetc. They even gave me money.

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 22:51

I'm so sorry doin Sad

Did you have dc? How did they take it? Where did you go from there?

I'm sorry, you can ignore the questions of they are too painful/personal.
I'm just trying to imagine my future. Sad

OP posts:
Ormiriathomimus · 10/08/2012 22:58

Oh lord sunrise. So sorry. What a freak !! Angry but in the end they are just things, what matters are you and dd. Thinking of you xx

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 22:58

liza thank you x

I know this sounds very cowardly but I don't feel ready yet. Sad God knows when I will. But I can't do it yet.

OP posts:
doinmummy · 10/08/2012 23:00

I'm quite happy to talk about it, especially if it helps someone. I also have NOTHING to be ashamed of .

I was 4 months pregnant. Other ladies there had children with them.One lady had been there for months with her 3 children.

Unfortunately,stupidly and regrettably I went back to him (a very common problem for women suffering DV but thats another thread).

I did manage to break completely free when Dd was 9 mmonths old.

I now have my own house, a good job ( I went to uni ) a paid for car and lots of lamps, beds and possessions Grin.

I'm not making light of your situation but just saying that things do and will come good.

Give them a ring...you have nothing to lose.

doinmummy · 10/08/2012 23:02

They will not make you leave the house, but will give you sound advice which you can access right now rather than wait til Monday for a solicitor.

Houseofplain · 10/08/2012 23:07

Sun if it helps I've been where you are as an early twenty something student with two kids. I had my first at 21.

I left with nothing at all due to the help of the police. I am ok, those two from that marriage are ok. It's just things, it really is. You just cope, you do.

I'm positively laughing now and the ex alcoholic, violent, bankrupt, much older bloke is shit on my shoe x

doinmummy · 10/08/2012 23:16

You dont have to rush into anything and will never be made to do something you dont want to. Take your time. Just make sure you are safe.

Let us know how you are if you can. x

searching4serenity · 10/08/2012 23:36

Thinking of you sunrise...

Wowserz129 · 10/08/2012 23:46

What kind of things are on the list? Do you have an example?

I agree go to your solicitor and make sure you and your children are protected xx

Wowserz129 · 10/08/2012 23:54

Just wanted to add OP that materials really don't matter. Your dd just needs you and you sound like a great mother. Cab is a great starting point for advice. Please keep us updated x

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2012 00:50

I don't think I've ever been so shocked by a thread - it's on a par with the one where the OP came home to find her husband had moved out, but this seems worse, somehow.

He has put down that he will GIVE your bedroom tv to a relative?

Oh god, OP, you MUST go to see a solicitor on Monday morning. Put the number for Women's Aid in your phone under a fake name. Call them when you can - you are going to need them.

ThePFJ · 11/08/2012 00:54

Watch 'First Wives Club' the movie, it might cheer you up. Best of Luck Sweetheart xxx