I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

Please ring WA and make an appointment with a solicitor. You will get through this and at some time in the future you will see that you had to go through this hell in order for things to get better.

Your h does sound potentially unwell.

Ask him to leave asap so that you can both start sorting out finances and contact. Could he stay with his parents for now?

It sounds like he hates himself and is turning it on you instead or something.

Asking him to leave for your mutual benefit will turn out one way or the other, if he won't go then you know that you need to leave asap by whatever means necessary.

It isn't too much to ask and you don't have to go to your mums. As I see it you have two options, ring the police and report the slap and see if they will do something about him planning to sell the stuff, it may count as theft and if so you can tell his family members that if they take the things they will be receiving stolen goods and committing a crime. Ask if they will be there when you ask him to leave because you are frightened about what he will do. Then speak to the landlord, explain the situation, including the violence and see if he will let you stay by yourself and take H off the tenancy.

Or, ring women's aid and go to a refuge/ask him to leave, speak to landlord etc.

If landlord won't help ask women's aid for a refuge and then help to find a new place.

Inseach you poor love i am so sorry for situation you are in.

Offred is right What he is doing is sucking every ounce of confidence out of you about your parenting. IME children of abusers often display much more excitement and "love" for the abuser than the victim and it is a part of the abuse. He is teaching dd that you are pathetic and unloveable, he is teaching you that you are pathetic and unloveable because that is what he thinks. What he is doing with her may well be parental alienation and another way to abuse you by showing you how he is capable of love and kindness but not for you.

Do you have any friends that can support you in RL?

I think all you need to say to women's aid is just explain your situation and take it from there. I'm sure you will feel a lot better just doing that. It's a start.

Thanks One.

What happens when a person stays over their tenancy notice period, anyone?

Where do you go if you get evicted?

Have you been sent any letters? Is it privately managed, or estate agent or council?

Yes we've been sent a notice to get out early October, because rent hasn't been paid for the past two months.

It's private landlords, managed by estate agents.

I know you said you don't feel ready. But this sounds like the perfect opportunity to go to a refuge. Think about it?

Sorry to say it, but when I was in a situation like yours, yes we did get evicted.

Thats why I urge you to find a safe alternative so you can have a secure roof over your heads and its one less worry.

Hopefully you will have an understanding landlord but mine certainly wasnt.

Where do you go when you get evicted?

And what happens to all your possessions?

if you phone WA they can help you immediately....they will assist with a roof over your head and food, etc....they will support and help you with everything. You need to find your strength now...
You need to collect and hide all documents, passports, etc for yourself and DD, pack a suitcase when he is out of the house and be ready to walk out of that door...

Things are just things...take what is sentimental to you and DD and the important doc's, important photo's, info you may need, addresses, contact details, etc

You won't want things/furniture and stuff later that will only remind you of the past anyway...why would you need that and why would you want to drag it with you...forget the 'stuff'...just 'things' and focus on the irreplaceable doc's, and sentimental things you need for you and DD only...everything else is pointless.

rent isn't paid and if you have an eviction notice now then the clock is ticking that they will turn up to remove you from the property...your belongings will be removed to the street for your collection or disposal and the locks changed.....maybe that's why he is saying 'a month'...maybe thats all the time there is left to move out???

He's already walked out the door from you...you don't have to wait to physically see him do this....it's done now....

You need to find all your strength now and focus only on you and DD and leave asap.....find this resolve and take decisive steps for yourself and DD...please do this

Why hasn't the rent been paid? Is that his responsibility? You don't work, do you? (Sorry, too long a thread to re-read.) Did he give a reason to the landlord or just not pay it?

I was lucky as I somewhere to go. I dont know what happens if you dont, surely they would put you on the top of the list for emergency council housing ( just be sure you do nothing to look like you made yourself intentionally homeless though I dont know ins and outs of it ,but I recall someone warning me at the time). Hopefully someone on here will know more.

One of my old friends used to provide accomodation for people through YMCA. Again Im not sure of the nitty gritty or criteria but contact your local YMCA and see what they say after speaking to council?

I know you dont want to face it but I would

Visit the housing office in person now
Speak to ymca as a back up
Find out if any homeless charities exsist in your area they might have advice

Xx

Oh and add womens aid to list of people to call.

I hope after ringing those four resources some light is shed for you x

Do you think the list, with family names is like a receipt for when you are evicted? So there is nothing left to reposses IYSWIM?

Is he really working op? Or lying?

What Bleep said.

If you leave it and do nothing, you will be homeless. What will happen to DD then?

And possessions are just things.

Take what is important - you, DD, and your documents - passports, and other identifying docs, and some clothes.

Act now, before it is too late. Women's Aid will help you find somewhere permanent. If you leave it, it will be so much harder.

You really need to speak to the landlord and explain the situation. Speaking with the police about the slap would help show you were serious and honest. Would you be eligible for housing benefit?

In the property you are in now I mean?

Btw I think how it works with possessions in marriage is whoever bought the item has the best claim unless it has been considered joint property by that person in which case it is jointly owned. If you have pooled money there is joint ownership of everything that money bought.

If it is jointly owned he cannot sell it without your permission.

Bleep's wrong about eviction process. They need to apply to court for possession order, and you will be served papers for this. When you attend, you may be able to avoid the order by demonstrating to the DJ that you will pay (need to take payslips, benefits applications, etc). Even if they agree to possession order it is likely to be a month or 2 after the court date that they can turn up and evict. Or something like that. Have a look on CAB website, www.adviceguide.org.uk, or see a solicitor for free - lots do this on a dropin basis. if you do go to court, most courts have a duty solicitor available at no cost.

You do need to talk to people about this, and WA would be an excellent place to start - they can help with advice on the housing.

(have assumed you're in England or Wales. If Scotland, NI or elsewhere, may be different, I don't know.)

He is obviously a waste of space and you are letting him walk all over you!! I know it's hard but you have too snap out of it and do what is best for your children. He obviously is a total prick to not pay rent, seek some legal advice so you are not left with all the rent arrears.

Talk to your Mum. My Mom is 76 but she has been a rock to me over my STBXH. She would want to know and she will look after you in whatever way she can.

Please call WA. The people on here are wonderful and will help you with all the advice they can. x