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Original poster

I found a list in my husbands pocket

601 replies

InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 20:51

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 21:28

No drama it seemed real. His sister is buying the microwave, his dad is getting the bedroom tv for free.
His brother is buying our bed and lamps, surround sound/ DVD player.

OP posts:
Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 21:29

How do I find a solicitor? Will I have to pay?

I know that sounds really thick but I've never dealt with anything like this before.

OP posts:
MyinnergoddessisatLidl · 10/08/2012 21:29

This is just awful op, but you need to get out of shock mode and into survival mode.

You are more than enough for your dd, you sound as if you've had the confidence sapped out of you. Mother is the word for god on the mouths and hearts of all children, you are your dd's world, no matter how it seems at the moment.

Would he get violent if you took the list and hid it to show a solicitor?

Can you think of no-one to help take in your stuff? Where is your family? Is your dd's stuff on the list?

What plans do you have after the birth op? What's your support network?

Keeping talking on here for support op, you sound so lost. There are plenty of people listening on here, and no one is judging you.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 10/08/2012 21:30

Do you think he is calculating enough to have left it in there on purpose to try and "catch" you out so that he would then have a reason for an arguement?

edam · 10/08/2012 21:32

insearchofsunrise - you can often get an initial appointment with a solicitor for free. Or you could try the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

Sounds horrible, I do feel for you. What a git!

loflo · 10/08/2012 21:32

That sounds awful Sad can you share on here where roughly you live? A fellow mn'er might have a garage/spare room for some storage.

thebestisyettocome · 10/08/2012 21:34

We have downsized recently. You can have any of the furniture I have going spare if you need it. Hopefully, if you get some good advice and help you won't need it but it's there if you need it.

Leverette · 10/08/2012 21:35

This reply has been deleted

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bleedingheart · 10/08/2012 21:37

You are worth more to your DD than any possessions. What a cruel, calculating, petty man!
I also wondered if it was a test to see if you were snooping?
I think you should see a solicitor and confide in any family you know you can trust.

Xales · 10/08/2012 21:38

Do you have any family that can hire a van and take all the bits you want to one of their hoses for a while or to one of those storage places?

Houseofplain · 10/08/2012 21:38

Free half an hour with most. Being pregnant/mat low income then legal aid can kick in.

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 21:39

Thank you thebest - that is very kind of you.

I have family but they live about an hour away.

The thing is I am afraid to remove things while he is secretly compiling this list, because it would be gone, and what do I say?

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 10/08/2012 21:41

You are protecting your assets. Your solicitor. When you get one. Will draw up,a list anyway. Them write to him warning him of consequences and actions.

Can't you just "lose" your key tomorrow and tell the ll what is going on amd change the locks?

Houseofplain · 10/08/2012 21:42

Fricking iPad again sorry about typos op.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 10/08/2012 21:43

That is a really, really weird thing to do. What other weird behaviour/traits does he have?

Posessions aside - you sound well rid of him! Hopefully you can get this sorted through a solicitor first thing Monday morning.

Glaringstrumpet · 10/08/2012 21:45

You need to get through the weekend because the Citizen's Advice Bureau
isn't open until Monday and they will be able to advise and help you.

Could he be planning on doing anything this weekend?

Can you plan something nice for the weekend with your DD.

Lucyellensmum99 · 10/08/2012 21:47

Im worried for you OP. You are worried what he might do if he finds things missing? is he voilent?

The thing is, really honey, they are just THINGS, yes they have some meaning to you, but he is treating you so badly, why would you want things that remind you of him - this doesnt detract from the fact that he is in the wrong and not entitled just to take these things, but emotionally you need to try and detach yourself. Some of those things - bedside lamps etc, unless bought for you by someone dear (not him!) are just not worth the fight - things that are your DDs, a bit different, but even they can be replaced. I think you need to get a socitor ASAP. You will be able to get half an hour free consultation in some practises and you may well be entitled to legal aid. This can be discussed in the half hour. Compile a list of things you want to discuss in that half an hour so you make the best use of the time before you go, ask questions on here and get some help with it, so that you can ensure a secure home for you and your DD, that is your priority now. That and keeping safe.

Keep us informed. I dont think you should remove things, get legal advice first and get him out of your home!

Olympicnmix · 10/08/2012 21:52

There will be a range of family solicitors near you that offer free 30mins-1hr consult. Some will do it in person, some by phone and even by email. As soon as you ask them to act, that is when it costs. If you have no money or very little you could qualify for legal aid.

MyinnergoddessisatLidl · 10/08/2012 21:59

insearchofsunrise get an appointment with CAB, and could you perhaps pop to the social security offices and see what they could offer you in terms of financial support, to get your life back together in the event of a split.

This is why we all pay taxes, sweetheart, to support people in your situation, in need of help and financial assistance - go and see what you and your dd are entitled to.

As for him giving things away, like the tv to his dad! What, he'd rather his dad have it than his dd to watch her favourite dvd's? and if he's making a list to test you, he sounds like a complete bastard frankly, not anyone man enough to be a good father.

glenthebattleostrich · 10/08/2012 22:03

You have done nothing. You are not the one auctioning your life together off to your family.

At 3 all your DD needs is to know she has people who love her and perhaps a nice teddy!

Get legal advice on Monday.

thebestisyettocome · 10/08/2012 22:06

Insearchofsunrise. You are welcome. I can't imagine what you are going through x

GurlwiththeFrothyGoldMedal · 10/08/2012 22:08

OP, of course you are what your DD needs. All a child wants from their parent is their unconditional love, care and attention. Everything else can be sorted.

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 22:08

My head is still spinning, partly because it looks so final written down like that. All our home on one sheet of A4, complete with buyers in the family.

Sorry if I'm not answering questions. I'll try to read back and answer now.

OP posts:
Inyourhippyhat · 10/08/2012 22:08

Insearch. You could post in legal - there are MNer solicitors who would give you an indication of what you should do (and what he cannot). This is terrible for you. He is evidently trying to leave you with virtually no possessions. How can his family support such behaviour? Despicable.

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 22:11

I don't think he's written that list just so I can find it. He's very practical and it looks like a very real and genuine list. With buyers. Which means he's talked to his family and already agreed on these prices.

Yes he's auctioning off our life.
That's the word I've been searching for all evening.

OP posts: