real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

Yeah to being buds!

It's the bad times that make us appreciate the good times. If things were good all the time we would have nothing to get excited about because we would take them for granted. The little challenges that come out way every now and again are what keeps us on our toes and forge ahead for better times. Tis all good

reminiscent

now I have lost the power of spelling!

In a way Sponge you and I are doing the same thing, you are looking for what you had because it was so good, and I am looking to avoid what I had because it was so bad. I reckon both of us could end up missing out on something quite wonderful, simply because we aren't looking for that particular thing.

And you are not pathetic! Most certainly not. You just want to be loved, and there's nothing at all wrong with that.

I need to go back and read this thread from the beginning but just wanted to say hi. After my recent thread about my own online dating misadventures this is clearly the place for me!

I'll be back once I've caught up.

Hi yogagirl welcome to the fray thread. :). I read your thread the other day, didn't post as I think it had all been said. :). We're a nice bunch, will say what we think, but generally with love and you'll get some sound advice (& dish some out too, I dare say.). :)

Hi again & thanks for the welcome. I have to say reading this whole thread (ok I skimmed a few of the longer posts but pretty much read the whole thing) has actually made me feel better. It's reminded me that I am strong, that I've survived a lot of crap this last year and that as much as I'm still pining somewhat for this guy, I know in my heart I don't need a man to sort my life out for me. Either way I'll be ok. You all seem amazingly strong on here, it's lovely to see.

Place marking...I don't get on here for a few days and over 150 posts into a new thread already

Also just wanted to say that 'fuckmuppet' is my new favourite word!

BTW - what's POF?

Plenty Of Fish
hi Yogagirl, i just read your thread, hope you feel better soon:)

He has replied saying "You got me all wrong luv, I'm looking 4 more than sex, i'm sorry but it's been that long 2day and u av made me horny smile x"

Double shudder... it would really get my back up if a man tried to blame me for his behaviour, not to mention the text speak

My ex used to do that, he pinch my bum/grab my boob then blame me for it, so maybe it's my hang up but that really winds me up, it's disrespectful.

Yoga I read your other thread earlier today. I am sorry about what happened, he wasn't hugely fair to you to start a long distance relationship when he knew it was not going to go anywhere

Myself and DP are 600 miles apart, he has children down there, I have mine up here. LDR's are hard work, but I do think if you both want it enough something could have been sorted.

Anyways, onwards and upwards!

Time - my brother raves about that book, he is constantly trying to get me to read it.

I can honestly say, anything I have really wanted and asked for, I have always got. Hand on heart. I

Cut off early oops!

It stands to reason that if you keep positive and are determined enough you stand more chance of succeeding at the things you want.

Shame I can't be like that when it comes to relationships though!

POF, got it, thanks! Will keep telling myself that.

Fate - I'm starting to realise that it wasn't very fair of him to start a relationship with me. Hopefully that will help me get over him quicker. Had a 6 month subscription to dating site which expires soon and trying to decide if I'm up for renewing it just now or if I need a bit of a break.

I may as well update on the new thread, don't know if anyone is particularly interested though

On the last thread - I met a guy on POF and had been on a few dates with him. Three weeks on, we're still going well. Seen each other 2/3 times a week. I stayed at his house last weekend for the first time and am staying there again this Sunday after we've been for a posh meal.

I say everything is going well but there is something in my head now saying "it's not going to work". Not really sure why. I just have these reservations that it will all implode. We went to cinema the other night and he started going on about how he was stressed out at the thought of his kids finding out about us and although he will tell them eventually, he's worried about how it will effect them and he feels guilty etc. I told him he's under no pressure at all to tell the kids anything but he keeps going on about it. I can see this being a potential "break up conversation" in the future.

There are other things too - a few little niggles creeping in. Honeymoon period is obviously over. I'll keep the thread updated :)

LOL, just realised plentoffish is an actual dating site and not just a mantra!

Nikita, I read your other thread about your insecurity too

Be careful you are not self destructing. You have been in bad relationships haven't you? I went through a stage with S that when the initial honeymoon period ended I was convinced he wasn't as in to me and starting looking for things that he said to reinforce my belief. Have you tried telling your man how you are feeling?

He could be genuinely concerned And is relaxed enough with you to discuss it. I don't think it automatically means you will be ending but if you feel that it will affect how you are when you are around him. Just talk to him.

It probably is me. I have this thing where I go out of my way to find problems with people - probably as a defence mechanism and then when they finish with me I can tell myself "well, they had X, Y and Z wrong with them anyway so I'm not bothered". He does seems genuinely worried about the kids and that's good - shows he's a thoughtful father but he tends to look for problems that arn't even there. For instance he started going on about how holidays would work in the future, would we all go on one holiday or would we have two seperate holidays - one with my kids and one with his. Where would his kids sleep - would we need to buy a 4 bedroomed house etc etc! it's been 3 weeks! these are not problems yet so why stress about them? I don't know, sometimes I just feel like saying to him "Look, if you'd rather not continue, tell me".

But he does. He tells me all the time how much he likes me and how chuffed he is to have found someone etc. I'm just getting a bit tired of listening to all these negative vibes all the time.

On the other hand - he's taken a look at my 'bucketlist' and has started looking into how we can get stuff ticked off it which I thought was quite sweet :)

yogagirl I prefer as someone mentioned plenty of freaks lol.

Life is good but I feel my stomach pains returning but seeing doctor on Monday, see what they can do about it, I used to suffer with extreme pains (think crippled couldn't move) since my implant I haven't suffered at all so a little concerned it could be something new.

Nikita - I recognise that mentality in myself and yes I do believe it's a defence mechanism. It's also a very harmful one to have. A relationship is never going to get anywhere if you can't have faith that it will and isn't going to end. It doesn't mean you should blindly believe it wont, but the more you protect yourself from the possibility by either looking for faults or trying to get in there first, the more you are effectively bringing it about.

Stop looking for the faults and instead try reminding yourself of all the positive things. Do you feel he is actually moving a little fast for you? In terms of worrying about the kids and holidays when you aren't at that stage yet?

It really does all come down tot communication and trust me that isn't my strong point, I prefer writing things down than actual discussions, but there is no point sat feeling dejected and worrying when you could just ask him whats going on.

'plenty of fuckmuppets'. :)

snape

nikita I'm doing the same as you. been about 3 weeks with guy I me from POF. I knew he had his children this week and we spoke last week abou we wouldn't be able to see each other much this week, and next week he is away in holiday. I have got so used to having little texts from him all the time to suddenly go to maybe one or two a day this week has been weird and I was getting worried and immediately thought something was wrong. one of my friends at work said I usually go back to her after a date and say yes he's nice but.... and do my list of things to justify why I wont see him again but I didn't have a "but" with this one. I didn't even realise I did the "but" thing till she told me! after a bad relationship I am insecure I know and having actually found someone I like its a little unnerving.
the new guy doesn't want to tell his us yet and is also worrying about the effect it will have on them.. he's not happy his ex had introduced a new man within weeks of telling the dc and he doesn't want to do it to them after seeing they were upset.

Welcome to the newbies

Fate My hairdresser lent me the book, she has been raving about it for ages. I am going to buy my own copy because it's one of those books you can keep referring back to. It is very good. Apparently there is a dvd of it too.

Fuckmuppet is my favourite word too. I've got The Ex in my phone as Fuckmuppet.

Morning to every one else. I'm having a baking session today in preparation of DD's return from holiday with her Fuckmuppet father!

Snape I just wanted to let you know that inspired by your recent weight loss, I got stuck into low carbing this week and I've lost 6lbs!! I'm back to wearing clothes I've not been able to wear for years! Feeling Gooooood!

snape lol at 'plenty of fuckmuppets' - that about sums it up, doesn't it?!

Time would love to put XH in my phone as Fuckmuppet but worried the kids might see it! Could just put him in as FM - I'd know what it meant. And well done on the weight loss, that's fantastic.