real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

:) right, I've been decisive - a photo that doesnt look too much like me is now up on OKC - and I've very nicely added some pics to mt MN account so those of you who are curious can put a name to a heavily photoshopped face. :)

Snape Gorgeous!!! Utterly gorgeous!! That look really suits you!

(thank you, I need a self-esteem lift i think, so its good to go on OKC and get some attention from hideous, hugely overweight, baldingmen with no teeth)

I am stalking OKC now. nice having some chat with some blokes i have no interest in whatsoever. I dont see this as leading them on as there is and will be no smut. I see this as passing the time of day and making it look like i 'reply frequently' ...

strikeout fail

You are welcome. I mean it. You have fantastic cheekbones and a beautiful smile, you look absolutely gorgeous, and very sexy. In a non lesbian way of course

I've had a "hi" from a man called Potatomick. I think that is stating the obvious so, even though I have no other messages, I am giving that one a miss!

I have had to delurk to comment on your picture Snape.

I love MN and this thread and am likely to need to join it having just split up with my bloke of 5 months on the grounds he is a commitment phobic manchild. Every red flag going but I ignored them because of course this WAS different!! - hmmmm, I can only blame my broken heart on my own stupidity and the cute little hearts he used to draw on steamed up mirrors in the bathroom.

Anyway, this is about you not me. I had an image of you in my head (purely based on your own very critical descriptions of yourself) as a frumpy, plump, middle aged woman covered in tattoos.

Instead there is a picture of a young, slim, smiley very attractive and sparkly women on your profile. I think you may have something wrong with the mirrors in your house. You are gorgeous and PM needs his head examining if he is even thinking of looking anywhere else.

Hope everything works out for you.

:) thank you for the non lesbian codicil although if this doesnt work... I never think of myself as 'sexy', this is a huge departure

I have had nine messages so far - ditched quite a few (a 23 year old!!)
but have politely replied to all. Have made a point of hiding the fuckmuppet catweazle bloke who disappered mid date a few weeks ago. Cant find the guy I fucked on the 5th date only to never hear from again (cheers! that was worth chucking away 2 & a half years of celibacy) but he'll be blocked-to-fuck the minute he rises above the parapet...

I am chatting to - a nice Doctor Who fan who manages the tate modern bookstore. This ticks a huge amount of boxes, books, art, doctor who... but of course, he's potato like...

talking of potatoes, 'potato mick?' I'm off for a look! he sounds s-'mash'-ing

EHoneybadger Just thank you, really. :)

A lot of it is in my head, of course - but I never really got told I was pretty by my mum when I was growing up, didnt have a 'proper' bf until I was 22 married my 2nd bf (my mum died, I wanted a family, i got swept off my feet a bit) left him for kids dad, 3 kids later and all the body issues that entails, he left me for some flat chested not very bright woman, After a couple of years I ended up with a short tubby friend (who was lovely, but I think I thought I didnt deserve someone pretty...) and after that ended met PM and as he doesnt seem to recognise that i'm even female half the time (drinkspints, doesnt wear heels, seldom noticeable make up, skirt? whats that?) then it kind of wears away at the miniscule amount of esteem one might have about their appearence.

I know I'm smart and funny and wise and modest I just have a bit of a thing about my appearence and believe photoshop to be the friend of all on-line daters (see! I'm doing it again!)

I think you look lovely too :)

My photos on OKC were actually crap but somehow Mr Nice saw through this - he says I am much more lovely in real life

You are indeed pretty and sexy Snape! You are stunning!! And you should believe it, and act as though you believe it. My parents never gave me compliments either, I am the eldest of four girls and I was known as the ugly one, the goofy and lanky thing that would never become anything. I've never had partners who have paid me compliments either, I've just had to come to my own conclusions about my looks

Just as a matter of interest, what 'type' of woman does PM usually go for? What kind of style would you say he is attracted to?

well, he maintains that he doesnt have a 'type', he's dated a goth before. his ex gf (who i love, she's fab!) is very tomboyish, but slight of frame. I seem to think he prefers petite types (because I'm not..) the recent-ish gf was blonde, quite heavy set with 'lovely eyes' so the eyes kinda did it apparently (I stalked her on flickr at the time and I've just popped back in to have a look and if we were talking conventionally pretty, I might just be slightly prettier, but I dont think he goes for conventionally pretty anyway, so it's a kind of non-starter.) Its not like i get any clues! this would be a damn sight easier he wasnt quite so annoying! :)

EHoney I meant to say, and sorry for having my head firmly up my wide arse that, best to find out 5 months in that he's a commitment phobe rather than 2 years and whilst the stemaed mirror love-hearts are really sweet, probably not the best basis for a relationship. When you're ready to go back to the hell of internet dating, we'll be here (we're always here!) to hand-hold and offer advice and . :)

snape lovely photo. Really is. I so hope PM sees what we all can!

So, what's the plan now Snape? Are you going to have a browse of his profile so that he knows you have checked him out or are you just going to wait for him to find you? What is The Next Step??

Ehoney I totally agree with Snape, you should be really pleased with yourself for sussing him out and getting rid so early on. Took me 11 years to do that!

I need to work on my profile, make it more appealing to the kind of man I want to attract, it's very tongue in cheek at the moment, but I don't know where to start. I've got theme park fatigue today.

snape I am also loving the pic! :)

I don't know why you don't just jump his bones tell him how you feel though!?

I'm biding my time for a bit. no way will i stroll by his profile, that would be a terrible invasion of privacy as i know its him.

The cropped photo bit is fairly misleading (would you agree time?) so it's not immediately apparent that it's me. we're a 99% match, I'm sure i'll crop up in his sidebar or on a random match at some point...I think he's daft/confused enough to click out of curiosity...

So with the above taken as red, if he immediately gets that it's me, he'll tease me about it - if he does it by text, I'll ignore, if he does it in person (which he will if i ignore text...) my tactic will be to be a bit blase about it ('I thought you wanted me to set up a new OKC profile.... how does that make you feel, because if I do meet someone, which is less likely than you meeting someone - if 'we' meet other people, all this will have to stop, wont it..?')

off to check my visitors.....again...

Snape I think your cropped photo looks like you, just a happy, relaxed, confident and carefree you. I love it, it's a beautiful photo, and I can't see how PM can fail to think so too. I also think you should visit his profile so that he notices you sooner rather than later. But I'm impatient like that

Just answering some of those questions on Cupid. "Do you want to experience pain?" Err, no thank you. "Do you have rape fantasies?" Err, no. Some very odd questions.

my absolute favourite question so far:

'Imagine you are sitting alone on a bench in the park. While enjoying the day, a squirrel hops up onto the bench and starts talking to you in a clear voice. Which of the following would you do?

?Converse with the creature.
?Ignore it - It cannot be real.
?Run, scream, shit pants, or otherwise freak out.
?Capture the creature for science.

I want to marry whoever thought this one up (presuming they answer with the first option, or possibly the last one, but only if the squirrel was well looked after)

time Patience = a virtue. You just want to go shopping for a new dress for the wedding, dont you?

I've not come across that one yet.

YES! I do. And shoes! But most of all I want to dance with an snog the very handsome best man. There will be a very handsome best man, won't there?

I've had an idea. Why don't you ask him to give your new profile the once over, tell him you are making a concerted effort to find yourself a life partner. He will take one look at your profile and he will be bowled over. He will then be consumed by jealousy at the thought of another man taking his place in your life and this will spur him into action. Of the sexual kind. It simply cannot fail!!!!!

Right, take a look at Spencer59, shanners71 and scorpio1964-4u and please tell me why Cupid thinks I might like them. Please. Because I don't.

Umm... yes! yes there will be and I shall distract her girlfriend while you grab her for the conga.

nope, new profile is secret. I am trusting in the universe, although clearly your version of events make me smile happily.

Shanners71. niiice. can't click on scorpio1964-4u as it has the combination of a belief in astrology combined with '4u'. i just cant do it he'll see i've looked at him and then he'll start pestering me.

I suppose you could always fall back on my version if the Universe takes a holiday or something, or if in fact the Universe has already decided that you are to do things my way and is waiting until you do

No need to click on the scorpio man if you have clicked on at least one of them, cos they all look like triplets. Fugly potatoes.

Thanks for the comments, I am proud of myself this time but god it hurts although I know I have made the right decision. To be fair I did waste 4 and a half years on a lying, cheating, soulless git in the past and then devoted 9 years of my life to a lovely (when well) but abusive (when ill with PTSD) ex soldier with a foul temper and porn addiction so I promised I would try to treat myself better in future.

Mumsnet has really helped and a recent link to baggage reclaim was an eye opener as I saw my most recent Mr hot and cold described as if the writer knew him.

I am trying to figure out why I go for complicated/unavailable/broken men before throwing myself back into the fray.

Having said that I stupidly put myself back on a dating site when feeling lonely more to stop me even thinking of texting or emailing Mr hot and cold a few weeks ago. I have had contact from someone who sounds lovely and genuine but realise I am not in any state to meet him. I have used an upcoming holiday as an excuse and MAY meet him after that but don't want to mess him around and probably need a lot more time on my own first.

Soooo difficult.

I enjoy reading the good news stories on here, it gives me hope.

I just hope there is a happy ending waiting for you snape and PM. :)

Maybe EHoney, you have attracted unavailable men because you haven't been entirely ready for a relationship, and so are slightly unavailable yourself? They do say you attract what you put out. And if you are running in the opposite direction from someone who sounds lovely and genuine, then it does sound as though you are not quite ready for dating yet. But you already seem to know that

Arrrrrrrrggghhhhh

I just sent blokeychap

He hasn't responded yet, see what he says before you bury yourself under the duvet. Well done on confronting the issues though, all you have done is take control, and that's good.