real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

pfff, I dunno. I haven't given him a time limit. I don't think I am all that bothered really, I'm in no hurry.

I suppose if there's to be any kind of limit it will be the next weekend we were due to spend together - from thurs 23rd to sun 26th.

We initially agreed to just cancel that, but after the shagging related confusion he wanted to leave it open. So I suppose we need to make some progress with wtf is going on by then. I did say to him look, you're going to really have to try and communicate with me properly with it not face to face, and i asked him to have a think about whats most comfortable for him, phone, email, text, skype, whatever.

Also hmm... taking sex out of the equation, i think we have a cool friendship, and a great laugh together. we never stop chatting and laughing when together, but when we are not the communication can go a bit stale and odd.

We talked about that too, he said sometimes he just can't think of anything to say and it freaks him out. I said he isn't obligated to say anything at all and we could just call it brain block, bid each other goodnight and remove the pressure there to have long jolly conversations

snape by catch up I mean get to the same place in the thought process as me (that is thinking FWB would be a good idea)

Ah. He seems to be a bit more 'old fashioned' for want of a much better word) than you.. You seem content with fwb, even if occasionally and at a distance, although that brings its own complications around length of absence, he seems a bit more needy and /or confused. I don't think he knows what he wants. You seem to. :)

Lubey could it be that you are interested today because there is a chance he is interested? Because you don't really seem all that bothered. It seems you will give him a chance if he comes back saying he wants one, but if he doesn't then that's fine too. And how often would he be home? Would it be often enough to have a FWB relationship?

Personally, I think the sex is getting in the way of serious discussions. Sorry to have to tell you that This 'goodbye' is being made longer by all the sexual exploits. you lucky lucky woman

I think he was expecting a nice 'sex with no commitment' type of relationship but he has developed feelings and he is not sure he wants it to end. But he is also not sure it can be maintained while he is in HK. The sex side of things will be a biggie, is it worth continuing if the sex isn't going to be often enough to keep things going? That's just my take on things

Lubey for the sex. LDRs are so impossible. I don't think it's that he doesn't know what he wants as opposed to not knowing how to reconcile what he wants with his situation. Has he ever been in an LDR? If not he is probably feeling the very same roller coaster that you are. I think he sounds like a really nice guy that isn't just wanting to have his cake and eat it.

I relate to the not being overly bothered as such because as you say you haven't committed yourself to him due to the LDR yes?

I think you did the right thing in asking him to go away and think. I was quite selfish with S and was a bit wrapped up in how I was feeling whilst not really considering how he was feeling. Let him work out what he wants and see what he comes back with. Then you can decide if you can work with that. If there is to be a relationship though and you don't want a prolonged LDR then you both need to work out together if there is a way forward.

Yeah Fate that's right on all counts. Bang on.

No he hasn't had an LDR before and it's definitely been a rollercoaster for him too, and we have talked about stuff when we get the chance face to face so I am aware of some of the extent of it.

I am just going to see what he comes up with, if anything, but if he remains confused or dilly dallying for too long I will outright suggest FWB to remove all aspects of pressure and hope we can leave it at that and just make hay while the sun shines... so to speak. Then deal with the HK thing as and when and if it arises.

If he can't do that then we'll just have to leave it at friends (who don't meet up because the attraction is tooooo much)

The only other option I can see is for him to move here, into a full on R rather than LDR which won't happen and therefore isn't even really an option because 1) I couldn't bear to live with anyone, even him 2) if he doesn't got to HK he will be tied to work in his current area and 3) we still haven't been together long enough or stable long enough to consider such a move.

So as far as I can see we are left with FWB and enjoying what we can when we can or .... nothing.

How long is HK for?

Looking at the options:

1. Moving to the area doesn't have to mean moving in with you. Possibility of his own place maybe?

1. Depends on how long he is there for I suppose and if he didn't go, if he works for a company big enough for transfers to different areas.

1. Agreed, it's early days for such a step but you need to work out if it could be possible should you both reach the stage where things were to get more serious.

Morning all!

Agh! Got a first date with a guy tonight! We met on POF been chatting a while he seems really nice, not recieved the usual "send me a dirty pic" nonsense that seems appropriate from men off that site!! I'm so nervous though! I don't think I've ever been on a "proper" date ever! I'm all new to this Internet dating! Any advice would be much appreciated!

Fate his company has offices either way oop north or right down south (and in various other places around the world) nothing in between which is annoying as I'm smack bang in the middle of the midlands. So if he didn't go to HK he would be staying a 3 hour drive away.

I still reckon we should just chill out and do the FWB thing and then see what's happening maybe when he gets back from HK (which will be at least 18 months)

By which time my daughter will be 18 and things might be a little different for me so I might be able to be slightly more flexible, thats not a definite but just possible.

Mentalcowgirl welcome and :o at date nerves

I hope it goes well for you, you must come back and let us know.

As for advice just be yourself, have an excuse ready in case you can't bear him, and keep it short just in case too (might be a bit late for that though as it's already arranged!)

ahw mental isnt it nice to be all flustered and a tingle! :) hope it goes really well for you

advice, wear what you're comfortable in, now is not the time for new shoes. be yourself, split any bills or at least offer to. smile! :)

my new OKC honeytrap profile is up, needs a bit of a tweak but I had three messages before I put up a photo (which isnt actually of me...) 20 visitors this morning - another three messages since the photo went up. feel a bit overwhelmed.

LOL snape - wouldn't it be ironic if you met someone really amazing through your fake profile!

Mental am sure you know this but you should be meeting somewhere public and make sure a friend knows what you're up to. Other than that, just enjoy.

As for me, I've given up on POF and have made plans to shag meet up again with the guy I was seeing from GS. After telling me in no uncertain terms that a serious relationship couldn't work because of the distance and he didn't just want something casual, he now suddenly seems to be ok with the casual thing. I still really like him but ever since he put the breaks on things I've gotten a bit of perspective on the situation and happy to just enjoy whatever seems to be on offer (and I'm pretty sure there's something on offer!)

fake profile mentions neither hordes of unruly teenage monster-children or the extent of my tattoo collection, so it's fair to suspose I'm going to get way more attention than usual.

yoga enjoy, sounds ideal tbh. :)

Sounds like you are rather heavily into body art Snape! do you find people a bit judgemental?

mental do enjoy. To add to the eating rules, no sex til date 5. I of course abide by those rules.

snape honey trap account. I should stalk you too but haven't logged on since just friends on OKc.

lubey just enjoy what it is for now but don't get too emotionally involved or you could get hurt (said in a nice way)

As for me, still complicated. But good. My.boiler broke yesterday, landlord came looked had to order part which came this afternoon and he is coming up tomorrow to fix it. Hurray for decent landlords. (a previous one left me for 3 weeks with no heating, hot water and sewage in the sink) three days with no hot water isn't a problem to me.

No sex till date 5?! Really? I wasn't planning on putting out tonight but not sure if I can wait that long

Snape: are there any interesting ones among the messages?
Mental: Hope your date goes well

Can I ask a question regarding messages? I read these threads and people seem to be getting dates. I get messages and the majority are unsuitable. By that I mean from men in their 20's, men in their 70's, and men with their penis on show. I flip randomly from IE to dating to increase traffic.
I have had a couple of messages from seemingly decent men but they peter out very quickly. One lives in the same town as me but no mention of coffee etc. I am reluctant to mention it myself in case I am rejected.
I got a message from a bloke to asked me to meet him in a bar in London tonight at 730 for a drink. I said ok as I am in london today...nothing since.
I am on POF by the way. It seems to be a site of people who want to message and nothing else.

I am also on OKC but I receive no messages at all...ever

Advice please

Send messages too.

And yes 5 dates (i have only once lasted that long since my ex) but that was something I set myself to see if they really liked me.

MLM..I do but they dont get answered! lol

Yes I find people are very judgemental, sometimes I think I am being judgemental that they are being judgemental... But they generally are. :)

I am also very heavily tattoo-d, kind of on the verge of 'shall I just have done with it and get the full body suit'
mostly I get the impression that people are
with dating I never mention it

Mmm, I tend to think some people have a stereotypical image of a tattooed lady that lends itself too much to 'suicide girls' & doesn't really take account of the fact that I hold down a fairly important job, like Shakespeare and classical music, read vicariously and don't wear rubber very much these days due to wobbly bits if I advertise the tattoos I get an amount of unwanted inappropriate attention. If I don't, I find a get a lot more disappearers once the tattoos are mentioned. They're very much a part of me, but they certainly don define me or are all that I am.

Sadly, sites like 'tattooed dating.com' tend to buy into that suicide girl stereotype, so I stay well clear. Bit sad, I know uni lecturers, lawyers and GPs with full body suits, people from all walks of life are tattooed, but the tattoo specific dating sites aren't all that... :)

Currently stripping out my hair, I've never been light hair coloured before, have a nice light brown almost blonde as next stage, so I can shove up a slightly out of focus hopefully unrecognisable! Highly cropped pic for the fake profile. Let's see if this works & I can reel him in

I'd never even considered that there might be tattoo specific dating sites..stands to reason that there would be I guess

good luck with the hair!!

God it's difficult enough to take a good photo of yourself for internet dating purposes, let alone one where you're trying to not actually look too much like yourself. Might need an opinion or two in a mo...