real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

chaotic which is what worries me and makes me sad, and usually young and niave

time mine and your ex would get on perfectly

Oh, Time. lol :o well I shaved my legs just in case you know but I really didn't think we would!

One thing I know I really would miss is the sex. He is just the best ever in that department, and he isn't even that experienced or arrogant about it or anything like that, it just works and he has a ginormous cock

It's really only that I don't want to lose. I don't think we are soulmates, I don't think he is 'the one' I have been just as happy through this week of no contact at all, as I was before I met him. Which was a very happy and content state, enjoying being single, having a few real life dates (including him) and I was having the time of my life. That can just as easily continue on without him. (or with him just shagging me now and then)

If he stopped being so confused and really wanted to commit, I would definitely think about it, and if he was showing more commitment he could get a whole lot closer to being 'the one' and if we could eliminate the rollercoaster of LDR then things could work nicely for us - BUT, and we have talked about this today, neither of us are in a place in life where we would eliminate the LDR. Even if he stayed in the UK.

Chaotic your bookshelf sounds like mine! :o

Am on holiday. Which is good and has mainly been good weather but now chucking it down.

Can't Remember everything happening here but glad you sound all right lubey, please do talk to PM snape, try and work out whether you have a boyfriend or not MLM Happy biRthday for yesterday to sponges DS1 and today for times DD and yay for Mr Lovely and watch's DD meeting and it being good :)

I wrote a soppy message in the sand and emailed it to Mr Nice. He liked it :)

miranda one refers to me as his girlfriend hmmmm i mean i have been called that before and nothing more happen, but i dunno,grrr, its nice to have someone treat you as theirs but its also not if you know what i mean, didnt realise how much i loved my freedom and being able to sleep with who i choose when i chose

lubey I often wonder what a psychologist would make of me purely on my bookshelf

I couldn't resist sticking Richard Dawkin's The God Delusion right next to the Bible

My bookshelves are eclectic to say the least....

I knew you would Lubey It's been a sexually charged relationship, how could it not happen!

Maybe lubey, the fact he is leaving is making him want commitment. Maybe he is confused because he hasn't expected to feel like this himself. But, from what you say, if he does feel like that then you aren't really on the same page. For you, at the moment, it's the sex, for him it seems to be more. Did he explain his confusion in more detail? I think he may be confused because he has developed feelings. Was he definite about it not being more than a LDR, even if he stayed in the UK? The boundaries are now blurred So, in summary, if he got better at communication, thus eliminating the roller coaster of a LDR, he could be the one. But, you don't want it to become any more than a LDR. Sounds like my kind of relationship. Bloody perfect!

Thank you miranda, hope you are having a lovely holiday

A psychologist would be scared of you Chaotic

Time s/he would probably take one look and run screaming

I quite fancy being a white witch, don't know what it involves but it would look interesting on my CV. Along with naturist.

A naturist, white witch. That would definitely get their attention

Does anyone else keep going to click 'Find out more', in the box below the add reply box, instead of 'post message'?

No.

lubey. . [wow emoticon]. I need to digest that!

Just me then

Sounds about right

If any of you get the hang of this witchcraft thing could I give you my XH's name? He's King Fuckmuppet! (When I found out about his affair, he said he would end it and wanted to fix the marriage...as long as I was ok with him still being friends with her cause he needed someone to talk to. Aww, poor baby, it must have been hard for him f*cking her then coming home and getting into bed with me every night)

Sodding well clicked 'find out more' while trying to hit 'post message' I am easily led. :)

Time, yeah you could be right.

What he is confused about is if there's any point continuing, is it best to just leave it, etc. I also think his own feelings have overwhlemed him a bit at times seeing as neither of us can really do anything about it, ie eliminate the LDR and commit.

The space we have had has got my mind really clear on things. And yeah that's basically how I feel - we could be great if it wasn't an LDR, but neither of us are willing to move (either closer together or me to HK etc etc) so therefore I'm cool with anything except a proper, full on relationship. I was a bit shocked and upset when this first came to light but having had all that time to think, I'm very sure of myself now.

You would think he would agree and see the sense in that but he was all frowning and deep in thought and confused after the dynamite sex

I think that once he is home and thinking about stuff again, the fog might clear for him and we will end up deciding to be FWB's

BUT if the sex really does confuse him that much and blur the lines with feelings and all that for him then maybe we will just end up being friends. But clearly we will never be able to meet up again in that case because we'll end up shagging

You and me both snape

I'd say if he can get his head around it then a fwb situation might be best, at least for now. Of course if he goes to HK then that could prove a little problematic, well the benefits bit

If he does decide he wants more/just friends then it seems, if I've read it right, you'd be happy with that too, so I think you could be on to a winwin. Until HK anyway when things get complicated.

I've just given myself an headache so I'll stop now and leave it to Time and snape before I confuse myself anymore and others along with me

Yogagirl17 Let the object (ex) of objection (again ex) become but a dream

Oh fuck, posted too soon.

Let the object (ex) of objection (again ex) become but a dream as I cause the seen to become unseen.

I know, what a completely confusing load of headfuck.

Well, it was anyway but at least I know what I want now. Just need him to either catch up (yes please) or bugger off (not ideal but I'll live) or move to my town (won't happen but would be cool if he did)

So long as you know what you want and are happy, that's the main thing :)

How long are you giving him to think Lubey? have you arranged to meet again? I would say you need to take sex out of the equation when deciding whether to have a LDR, because sex isn't going to be easy with such a distance between you. So, without the sex, what have you got? Is it worth being single and celibate for until he can make it home? Can you keep the LDR going with communication? Because that will be the main part of your relationship with him. Is he interesting enough for you without the regular sex? Is the conversation, when you get it, enough to keep you interested? Really, it doesn't matter right now what he wants, it's what you want that's important. Because it is

Well lubey, it's all very well what he wants, but give said what you want. You want more. You want him to catch up. :) it's not his ball game. People can't play tennis unless someone returns their serve.

I am concocting alternative honey trap OKC profile. I may need advice so I don't obviously sound like me.