real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

watch yay for DD - yay for MrL - yay!!

Divadance hello - :) well, the timing is a bit off for the 'chat' if he's frantic with worry for his DTS(?) I dont get the impression that you want to back off though, I think you were saying you wanted more? Frankly, neither of you want to uproot your DCs, i think the only progression I can think of is if your DCs do meet, that would make you feel as if this is a relationship more than this kind of limbo that youre in at the moment - so if the kids met you might consider more family oriented things and see where it goes from there. How old are DCs? how far apart is your LDR?

No PM update really. have taken to slipping into the jacuzzi next to him with a deep contented sigh and gasping 'that feels incredible' the difficulty being that i just dont think he sees me as a woman, so it's fine for him to discuss the attributes of 'other' women as i think he sees me as sexless. how on earth do i tackle that?

do not tell me to wear a nice dress and plaster myself with make up. I will laugh at you.

oh! Phacelia a half hour shag! you lucky thing! how on earth did you manage to decline?! :) I really do think that a lot of men view online dating as cheap prostitution - not even prostitution, theres no exchange of goods and/or services, just the expectation that people are primarily interetsed in nsa sex. where is the romance! ?

Thanks all. Argh it's today! Wibble!

I did manage to sleep in the end though thank feck. I'm not as nervous so far today as I was yesterday though that may change as 2pm approaches...

Happy Birthday to Time's DD

Kirsty - The Guardian Soulmates site - a friend of mine who's been single for a long time put me on to it. The men on there generally seem to be able to read and write and have a conversation that doesn't use the words 'sexy', 'luv' or 'shag' in the first 5 minutes! Have met a couple of really nice, decent guys on it over the last few months - been on a few dates and met one guy who I really like but not sure if it will work out due to distance. You can create a profile and browse for free but you do have to pay if you actually want to talk to anyone.

snape - can you use the online dating question as a way of easing into the subject? Next time he asks if you're going to go back online (or maybe bring it up yourself) explain that there are reasons why you're not interested in meeting anyone else and take it from there...? Just a thought. Alternatively you could send a text saying 'I really fancy PM, just wish he would wake up and realise it' ... then send another one saying 'oh sh&t, meant to send that to someone else!'

lubey hand holding here for you. Hope it goes well but either way its closure.

snape almost couldn't resist telling you to put a dress on and make up just cos you said not to dunno what cosmo would say, probably just grab the chance........

Thank you for all of DD's birthday wishes

Snape re PM not seeing you as a woman. Ask him. Talk to him as though you are making a concerted effort to find a man. Ask him to write a profile for you. Ask him what he considers to be your best attributes. Ask him anything you need to ask that gives us you an insight into his mind and what he is thinking. Asking him will also plant a seed, it will get him thinking in different way. It will give him a reminder that you are a woman. He has taken you for granted because you are close friends, he needs a reminder that you are more than just his jacuzzi pal. Failing that let one of your boobs slip out as you get in the pool!

Watch excellent news!!

lubey wibble! :) really hope it goes well for you. think you're in a great place, raising a mug of tea to you. :)

I met LOVELY men on Guardian soulmates - respectful, articulate, not fuck-monsters. no spark, ah well - but really dceent chaps. it is a paying site, but i think it's ok to treat yourself to a month after you've put up a profile or if anyone catches your eye.

See i do kind of alude to not wanting to meet anyone at the moment, being perfectly happy single (yes, I'm aware I give mixed messages too...) but he kind of called me on it

PM: oh you do so want to be in a relationship!
Me: well, yes, but only a good one!

text, arrrrrrrrrrgh! NO! mortified!

what I should really do is persuade my lovely flatmate to do a bit of digging for me, especially after I got him together with his smashing new gf - but he maintains he is a neutral let's see how neutral you feel with all your stuff in bin liners on the drive ' :) '

anyway, plan this week is to maybe see him today at gym, but miss tomorrow (kids back from holiday at grandparents! need collected from station) and friday (wine) then spend saturday at the gym with him and dinner etc. so he can get a bit of a chance to miss me enjoy gawping at all the lovely fit women at the gym

incidentally i saw a MARVELLOUS bit of eye candy yesterday. this guy was doing chin-ups, then extending his arms so the chin up bar ended up at waist height. then he was doing handstands with shoulder press ups. we exchanged glances. he looked incredibly fit.

time if all else fails get the boobs out.

watch glad it went well.

time best advice so far. Difficulty is that we both agree that we don't like generic internet dating profiles. we 'joke' that i'll need to have a pic in a low cut top or say that my best attribute is my 'dazzling smile' or that I like 'travel' so asking him what he thinks I might need to do to attract someone is like asking a chicken to lay an alligator egg. he just cant do it. 'sake, bit our profiles say we like doctor who and video games. I'm pretty sure thats absolutely unattractive to 99.9% of the population.

I know what he'd say my best attributes are. I'm kind, generous to a fault and extermely charming. there would be NO mention of tits or smile or eyes, he knows I wouldnt put anything physical in a dating profile, so he wouldnt mention it.

my boobs are staying where they are thank you very much.

this is very difficult for me. I dont dress to please or captivate men. I saw a woman on the way to the station this morning wearing a peplum dress and I couldn't understand what the 'frilly' bit at the waist was for.

My absolute worst possible nightmare is being 'gokked'

Welcome to the newbies :)

Belated Happy Birthday to Minisponge

Happy Birthday to MiniTime

Lubey good luck for today, will be thinking about you and hope you're happy with the outcome.

It's just fashion Snape

I don't dress to impress men but I do like to dress nice, I love to wear dresses and skirts but I also love skinny jeans and doc marten boots. It's nothing to do with men, it's to do with me. I really don't care what anyone else thinks of me, as long as I am happy with me, I don't care. You don't have to change your style to attract a man Snape, you are gorgeous just as you are. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with you.

Ask PM direct questions, force him to give you answers. "Do you think I am attractive?" "Do you think I have nice tits?" would you like to shag me? You could make a board game and play it while drinking rum one evening Or, you could just take the easy route and bloody well ask him "Look, I love you, I think we are good together, I want a relationship with you, are you willing to give it a go?" I would ask him Snape, I just would

DD is currently outside playing with her birthday present from me, a radio controlled moster truck. The cat is running for it's life

monster truck

By the way Snape, how much is Guardian Soulmates? And can you join for just one month?

think it's around £32-ish and yes you can join for a month, but you must remember to cancel subscription as it's a direct debitty thing and it will jack your shopping budget to DEATH if you forget about it.

ground would open up and swallow me whole! what kind of question is that? it leave the way open for a yes/no response and who would want to hear the answer?

'do you think i have nice tits?'

no. they're saggy.

I need a think (again) the easy route looks attractive until the screaming and backing away starts, but then at least we know and I can get on with life.

Clever cat

My cat would run for her life too, the dog would run around barking

I made up a game once. 'A question of Shakespeare' I called it. It was based on the Trivial Pursuit board design but you have to answer questions on different Shakespeare plays, including a general Shakespeare one, where it could be a question on any of his work. I designed and made the board and the questions and provided the dice and counters to play with

This is going to be a long job Snape. If you don't get a move on you are going to be all whizzened and dried up and his balls are going to be at sock level and you will need viagra and magnifying glass to find his willy! Then you will be left with the exact relationship you have with him now!

How about you feign illness? Would he look after you? Mop your brow? Bed bath??????

Oh, and thank you for the GS info, £32 is a lot of money just to fork out on a potential non starter. At least candle sniffing in the pound shop is free. BUT, I might just join if I spot a contender. I had a look the other day, nothing yet but at least the specimens on there are better than the ones on POF!

No point in joining if there's no one on there that attracts your interest but it's well worth keeping an eye out just in case.

Yes, that's what I thought

DD is going to her dads this afternoon, but he hasn't even rung her to wish her happy birthday. That's awful isn't it? Git!

Git is very polite and restrained.

Yes, it's awful, it would take less than 5 minutes for him to pick up the phone.

at time well, of course it's going to be a long job - there's a lot of angst to contend with.

mmmm. illness feigning might do it. cant really take to my bed with DCs back, as they should be looking after me. Could have a nasty ankle sprain at the gym 'ow! ow! I've sprained my tits. could you just grab on here for a bit?'

GSM - yeah, I completed profile, didnt pay until someone i liked attracted my attention, then it was strictly for a month only - I think a lot of sites tend to have the same old faces on them - i found that on going back to OKC, same old same old.

Yep, Chaotic, my thoughts exactly. He doesn't deserve her, he really doesn't.

It's been a long job already Snape, if this were a book the volumes would outnumber the whole of the Encyclopaedia Britannica collection!

at sprained tits! I think you should feign a back injury, a lower back injury, with pain that radiates all the way up your spine to your shoulders. Tell him that you read somewhere that essential oils are so much better for pain relief than Ralgex and get him to give you a massage. OR, OR, you cause him an injury, so that he is dependent on you taking care of him, then put him in your bed and smash his ankle bones so he can never leave you, just like Kathy Bates in Misery. That should work!!

excellent advice! I'll find my hobbling plank! :)

such a shame about Dds dad and the telephone. I used to bend over backwarsd to ensure ex saw the kids (including 50 mile round trips to OWs house with no recompense for petrol becasue he lost his licence through drink driving) He very seldom phones them, always making teh point that they can phone him whenever they want - well, they're children you're meant to be the 'adult'. I refuse to constantly remind the DCs to phone their dad. not my job.

I totally agree Snape. I've put myself out for him too, been far more accommodating than he has deserved me to be. I can't help but think he is losing interest in being a parent, now the initial attention he got from me leaving him has gone. It's all about him you see.