real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

Ooh, I've had an idea re PM!! Why don't you make a profile, without photo, and one that he wouldn't recognise you from, and start chatting to him online! You can be as honest as you like, just don't say anything that would out you. You will know how he feels out 'you' because he will tell you! And when you have him hooked you can declare all. And you can tell him you did it this way because you are in love with him and you wanted him to see you in a different way, other than a friend, you wanted the same chance any other woman gets.

Whatcha think?

hve thought of that one! - he wouldnt reply to someone without a photo. because he's shallow like that (neither would i! I'm shallow like that too!)

I doubt he's stupid enough to tell some anonymous internet woman that he spends a high percentage of his free time with his female friend, even he's not that daft that he doesnt realise how that looks to 'outsiders' so the temptation would be to downplay 'me' because it looks bad to potential relationship-material on the internet so theres no guarentee that he would be honest, even though he maintains that he generally is.

time I like your style. Think I may have gotten into a little bother and i know you will all shout at me. I was sorta dating two people and that worked fine, easy to manage, one knew I had another, but with three it got messy so now what to do. I need to choose.

Happy birthday to your dd time! Her dad is a moron, wishing happy birthday isn't exactly hard is it?

Watch, glad things went well!

Lubey, will be thinking of you

MLM toss a coin. I'd be exhausted by one, let alone three. do they all know about each other or do chap 1 and chap 2 know about each other but not chap 3, who is blissfully unaware of everything.?

who makes you happier?
who is more in tune with what you might eventually want from a relationship?
have they met DS? how are they with him?

this is very complicated. we need ten questions and then a scoring system.
you need a spreadsheet!

ok, might be creating a fake OKC account, just so I can have a look at his profile as it stands just now.

not happy with this as it feels dishonest, but i'll suck it up.

cant think of a suitable name. gaaaah.

Chap three is blissfully unaware....oops and thinks i am not seeing anyone else one has briefly met little man, as in i was putting him to bed, so it was literally thirty seconds, the other two havent, but both have kids of their own.One of them said they would marry me....erm i was chatting about the fact i said never ever again, another said they wouldnt third i havemt chatted about marriage too.

snape - sorry wasn't really serious about the texting thing. And I didnt say you should tell him you were happy being single - you need to tell him you don't want to meet anyone else!

GSM - £32 is kind of a lot for a month but actually the longer you join the better value you it is. I think it's something like £60 for 3 months and £90 for 6 months. About two months after my XH left I was feeling pretty sorry for myself (and hadn't yet quite realised the financial implications of getting divorced!) and treated myself to a 6 month subscription. It's about to run out in a couple of weeks and not planning on renewing it right now but would definitely consider going back to it in the future.

ok more suggestions for snape - I get why it's really hard to just lay it all on the line. You've got a really great friend & companion and it would be horrible (not to mention embarrassing) to lose that by telling him how in love with him you are. But what about a kind of half-truth - one you could back away from if he's not taking the bate. Like, "Look, we get along so well and spend so much time together, what if we actually went on a date?"

Best case scenario, he breaks into a huge grin and says "brilliant idea, I'd love to and then maybe we can actually get around to shagging each other senseless because I've fancied you for ages and have been afraid to say"

Worst case scenario, he looks at you like you're totally bonkers and doesn't speak to you again for several weeks.

Most likely scenario, he looks slightly clueless and puzzled (because he is a man, after all) and says "Uh, ok...why should we do that?" To which you reply, "Well you're already my best friend but I kind of fancy you too and just thought maybe we should see...." if he's not up for it, bridges have been slightly singed but not burned all together.

OK thought of a suitable name. can't actually complete a profile without sounding like me. can't click on his profile without arousing suspision (why would someone join today and then instantly click on him, of all people? duff idea, i shall hold her in resreve for the panicy days of late september.

MLM sorry, you're not going to like this, but this really isnt very nice behaviour, is it? I'm (gracious of me, i know..) fine with poly-people as long as everyone is clear about what is happenning, but chap three has no idea. Can we give them names so i dont get confused?! HOW long have you known these men!? marriage converstaion?!

at least get rid of the least appealing one.

yogagirl thank you!

we went out for a beer once, to a pub we didnt normally go to, they were advertising a singles night , ' so if this was a speed date and you had a minute to impress me, what would you do?'

and i - because i really needed a wee and i panicked said, 'I'd go for a wee, scuse me. back in a minute'

god, i'm an idiot. our heads need banging together.

Right I need to be like... umm.... sexy or something. oh god, its like one of those fucking terrible films where the lovely heroine wins the shallow man of her dreams by brushing her hair akk! AAAKKKKKK!

I dont know about OKC Snape but I think on POF you can set the settings to look at someones profile anonymously.
I suppose you could out any old picture in there of anything rather than a blank thingy.
I know why you would feel a bit eeeck about it, I would be the same. ngnho

OKC his profile is set to only let other OKC people have a nosey, so you cant search it from google BUT YOU CAN BROWSE ANONYMOUSLY!!!

off for a sneaky.

The Marriage came up in conversation. My mate has been on the phone trying to marry me off and I said like I have plans to get married again.

I know its not nice. Only this morning I realised he thinks I don't see anyone else, hence me needing to chose. It was cool with the other two knowing about each other and all was good. Now its more complicated.

No, no, no Snape. I don't mean for him to tell the pretendy you all about the real you. I mean for him to fall in love with 'you', while in your disguise, so to speak. He will go to bed on a night thinking "Gosh, I like this woman, she reminds me so much of my best mate Snape. I must shag date her".
Do you get me Snape?

Thank you Fate, and yes he is. You are right. He was a moron when I was with him so why would I expect him to be any different now?

So why didn't you tell number 3 MLM ??

Cos we sorta met in real life, and I sorta said I was single, chatted etc, so haven't bothered correcting him. Just gotta decide.

I got all confused with the amount of 'you's' time

nah, can't be done - would be obvious it's me, he knows me too well and I havent got the energy to pretend to be someone else. I'm not a great actress.

I really hope this anonymous browse thing works. feels creepy stalkerish though.

We was sorta expecting not to see him again cos he is outta my league so will most likely cheat

God, you are boring! Where's your sense of fun??

MLM right, I'd get rid of chap number three on the basis that you've started the relationship with a lie. No good will come of that, eventually the truth will out and you wont look good. That solves the problem in that chap 1 and 2 know about each other, dont seem to be pressuring you to choose and you can have your cake and eat it until such point at which either they or you have had enough ad a decision needs to be made.

and dont go telling people that you're single when you're not. theres a word for men like that and it applies equally to women

I thought you had to be an upgraded member to browse anonymously on Cupid?

time damn you morals!! DAMN YOU!

frankly you'd have me answer the door in a towel wet from the shower and accidentally let it drop as he follows me up the stairs.

and NO thats not an option! :p

In all honesty time, when I split up with the ex I did think he might change, considering it was supposedly all me that restricted him, made him smoke pot etc. oddly enough he didn't!

Well I am single. I am just dating etc. I am not with anyone, but equally I am not foot loose and fancy free.