real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

chelsea I agree with what everyone else has said.

lubey will be thinking of you tomorrow - really hope all goes as you want it to, I am not surprised you are nervous, you've done so well keeping calm for the past week :)

It is DS1 birthday today. I am now the mother of a 14 year old!

In slightly more shocking news have found out through the wonders of the local paper that the brother of one of my previous dates has just been sent down for possession of an offensive weapon and 5kgs of class A's . Might explain why I never got a 2nd date in view of my job....!

Thanks for the good wishes!

Time, I have no idea whats going to happen tomorrow, in all honesty.

I haven't heard from him no but I did request that we have 'radio silence' and likewise I haven't contacted him.

Last week it did seem like a plain old dumping, but it was all a bit ambiguous really and the main thing was that he wanted to talk face to face.

There is a forum we both go on to do with an online game we both play sometimes and I can see he has been looking at my profile daily (which is a bit weird as all it says is female, Leicestershire, and the number of posts I've contributed, plus a little thumbnail face pic) I haven't looked at his, I just get this list of recent profile viewers.

I also have a flickr page and can see he has been clicking 'favourite' on some of my pics.

I have no idea really what to read into that if anything apart from I must have been on his mind a lot.

I think my nerves are just to do with seeing him rather than whatever he might say. I have been so cool and calm this week about every outcome i can possibly think of, so it can't be that

It's my DD's birthday tomorrow too Sponge, she will be 10!! And I'm also the mother of a 27 year old, that takes some getting ones head around

And yet another lucky escape you had there!! You might have been expected to represent him for free

Maybe when he sees you tomorrow he will change his mind about dumping you. Have you given thought to if you want a LDR with him, and how it would work? Would you be open to that? I think it's nice that you are meeting to talk about things, it's all very grown up and how it should be. If you don't get back together at least you will be parting on good terms, then you will have good memories from the whole relationship, not spoiled by a nasty break up.

Happy birthday to your DD for tomorrow Time! Have you got anything planned? DS is out with his friends, I'll be lucky if I see him at all!

And yes DEFINITELY a lucky escape :) I knew he was on remand but was led to believe it was for a very different type of offence (somethimg much more white collar). Am really quite shocked!

Well, due to the stupid court order that the stupid ex decided he needed, I have her in the morning and he has her in the afternoon. So can't really make plans on the actual day. We are going to a theme park on Thursday though, that will be her party day

See how lucky you are when it comes to dating Sponge, all these lucky escapes. And there was you thinking you were crap at it

Time, yeah if it's a break up it definitely won't be a nasty one. More just a tiny tear or two and staying vague friends. I don't think either of us have any ill feeling in us or would want that.

I wouldn't be devastated if that's what happens, I know that after being fine this week... and if that's not what happens and he wants to grovel first and carry on then I'm happy with that too.

I still can't really imagine how i would react to it being a long, long distance LDR (the move to HK) but depending on what happens tomorrow I'll have a think about it. He would have to suddenly get a whole lot better at non face to face communications thats for sure, if that was ever going to work.

happy birthday mini-sponge and early birthday greetings to mini-time :)

OK, seduction plan, such as it is in in place - I need to spreadsheet it a bit more and set some mini goals, but I've started with an email, because he's been feeling down about work and OKC rejection (you're feeling a bit down?! hah! )

so as a brief over-view - email states, didnt really get the chance to talk this evening, know he's been feeling a bit rubbish, rejection takes it's toll, I know what thats like(!) I generally think he's marvellous, although he can be a bit selfish and incredibly insensitive at times, I'm here if he wants to talk about stuff, or hang out and watch our favourite films if it's too much to talk about - because we're smashing and anyone who doesn't get that is a c*nt.

so, re-emphasizing our commonality, stating that I know what rejection is like (...) building a team mentality, saying i think he's lovely, without the email being overly sexual. raising question of him being a bit insensitive, so if he asks thats an in to say why he's insensitive. Stage 1 complete.

Question though - i know he's feeling vulnerable at the moment - is it a bit evil super-villan doctor evil to prey on these insecurities as part of my muuuu-hahahahaha master plan, or is this fair game?

sponge! just read about the brother of the lucky escape! good grief! 5kg! thats a bunch of class As!

Lubey I think you're just in an excellent frame of mind and a fab position. Hope the chat works out OK, don't be nervous, it is what it is - just see what he has to say and dont make any snap decisions if the ball is poinked into your court.

I suppose you can't really second guess what's going to happen tomorrow Lubey, it's going to be a case of going along with an open mind and seeing how you feel while you are talking. And this would be a LDR in the extreme, it's not like he could drive up the motorway to spend a night with you, or you could meet him half way. I think for a LDR to work when there is so much distance the relationship has to have a lot of depth, there has to be a strong emotional connection and communication is going to be everso important, because sex can't be used as an expression of feelings. I hope it goes well anyway and that you are able to come to a decision that leaves you feeling happy.

Thank you Snape Am loving Stage 1! And no, it's not evil to take advantage of his vulnerable state, manipulation is a marvellous tool in the right hands. I think you should also buy candles, scented oils and offer him a massage. A friendly massage of course, but your hands could become a little bit over friendly, see if you get a 'reaction'

Anyway, I've just been reading a magazine in the doctors waiting room, Cosmo, and an article in there says we haven't to write off the potatoes, that we have to try dating mingers, because mingers are grateful, less likely to cheat and more likely to adore us and treat us how we deserve to be treated. It said that good looking men have too much testosterone and they are prone to cheating and that their attention is on themselves more than it is on us. So there!

Lubey - think hard. It's only been six months, if he offers a long long distance, it's a lot to put yourself through if there still isn't even a chance of a future together afterward.

Sometimes I feel like an LDR takes over your life. It's all texts, phone calls, emails, plans to see each other, being apart again. Trying to work out real meanings behind texts, trusting them, trying not to worry about them meeting someone closer to home (if you are a paranoid fruit loop like me!) feeling down because you miss them, happy when you know you are going to see them, it's a bloody rollercoaster. I don't think men feel all the above with an LDR, women are just that much more emotional.

IME they are bloody hard work. There has been many a time where I have just wished for a conventional relationship.

I suppose there are benefits too. Your own space. You don't tend to take them for granted, the old absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But overall I would still say don't put yourself through it unless you really really believe this guy is worth it.

Yeah that's exactly it Time. I want to hear whatever he wants to say first then I will think about whatever it is.

I think my nerves are that 'fight or flight' type adrenalin - just a response to confronting things (whatever probs he wants to talk about, not him specifically, if that makes sense)

Time I don't that is true at all about the mingers .. is it not the case that they are more likely to cheat because they are more bowled over by the flattery???

Snape I wonder if hypnosis would help? I think you should look into that, you could have him in your bed eating out of your hand before the week is out!

cross posted FateLoves

Yeah I agree with you entirely. I think that's partly why once over the initial bit of shock and upset I have been so cool about it - because I never really committed myself anyway and I've already had a taste of LDR with how we have been so far, and I know what a rollercoaster it is and how much work.

So, while I do have lovey dovey feelings for him, I've never gone all in, never expected anything beyond just enjoying the bits of time together we could manage, and know how hard it would be to try and sustain something LLDR

Lubey if he says he wants it, he has to really want it too, because there will be nothing worse than being left in limbo while he is so far away. He has to be absolutely sure that he can put the effort in. It would be a shame for such a nice relationship, which could have ended nicely, to get screwed up due to lack of effort.

I don't know Kirsty, it's just an article I read. The article was saying they are less likely to cheat because they feel 'grateful' to have landed an attractive woman, and they put the effort in, in order to keep her. Makes sense to me.

Whatever happens Lubey, it will be nice to say goodbye properly

Time noooo don't read cosmo

My dd's dad was a minger, and he left me for OW and has continued this pattern through his life... leave the current gf or even wife (on his 3rd wife now) for the next one.

He is otherwise eligible though - funny, good job, good personality

If someone was lacking all those things plus lacking looks too, yeah then they probably would be 'grateful' but then you'd be miserable and never fancy them!

I didn't really commit to my LDR until six months in Lubey. Because I never really believed it was going to work out/last. If he does ask you to do an LLDR it might be worth keeping in mind whether you would be happy doing it without feeling committed or if you would want to commit, so he can decide for himself too.

Anyways, it might not come to that and I wish you lots of luck for tomorrow. At least if things do end, you will have closure.

That was the only thing to read Lubey, apart from the Sunday supplement

cosmo is shit. i have spoken.

I don't buy it so I wouldn't know, so there!

i bought it when i was a lot younger and impressed by people talking openly about sex, but I dont buy any 'women's magazines' these days as I find them full of ridiculously priced stick insect clothing, photo-shopped advertisements for skin care/make up/haircare and far too many tips of how to get/keep a man whilst subsuming your personality into his.

I do buy 'Doctor Who Magazine as my one glossy-mag treat. I'm not very feminine, am i?