real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

To be fair, it was the early 90s, everyone wore horrible jumpers except the object of my affection who used to wear horrible thrash metal band t-shirts

Welcomepixwix deranged is good, you need to be deranged to sign up for online dating

Time quite probably. He is a partner in a top London law firm now and v v wealthy, but I'll bet he's still (like every other man I meet) a complete tosser. Or that's what I have to tell myself anyway...

Aye, I am writing the story. It's possibly the one area of my life where I can be a little negative. Making myself emotionally vulnerable scares the hell out of me.

I like the saying "What other people think of you is none of your business" that keeps me in my own mind rather than theirs

Sponge Yes, keep telling yourself you had a lucky escape, because the chances are that you did!

Well that's the spin I have to tyr & put on it, like I do with every other one 'that got away'. Because looking at it any other way is pretty depressing...

Pmsl! Thanks guys - yes I must be slightly deranged - you certainly need a thick skin, and a low threshold for fuckmuppetry - I had an email the other night from someone offering to bike over with a plate of pesto pasta - we'd never even exchanged emails! I was actually really hungry, but drew on my inner resources and said "no"

The ones I seem to like on profile don't reply and I get various people who I have nothing in common with, who haven't even contacted me, wanting to bike round with plates of food at midnight! And numerous blokes listing their musical preferences as though it's life and death, some blokes outlining the various dysfunctional dates they have already had, and why they deserve much better (no pressure then!) Hey - Go figure...

I do seem to have found a bloke in the middle ground however, who seems quite saneish (who am I to judge! but he seems Ok, and we have a laugh!) and we are arranging a date at the moment. We all have issues, and some are more managable than others - but crikey!

sponge. Your 'talk' story has inspired me to do nothing! I shall be utterly indispensable and be very flirtatious for a few weeks, see how it goes, test water. I think an open declaration of intent at this point shows my cards too soon.

We did yoga tonight. I'm Verrrrry flexible and positioned myself so my arse was in his face for a good percentage of the class. Game on.

Sorry! Madam manners!! .

Pixwix hello love :o how delighted am I to see you here? (very! btw) Did you know a certain story (doctor pinned to wall, lmao) of yours is quite famous on here? The thread it's on is in classics somewhere I think...

Anyway when is your date?

snape maybe us MN internet dater should give you a deadline to finish testing the waters??? YOU GOTTA KNOW SOONER OR LATER. I mean you have bullied persuaded me into doing things like asking just friends what he wanted after we slept together though i never really got a proper answer from him, just he liked me, wanted to see me again then fucked off back to his wife if he was ever separated or maybe his wife found out

Aah life is good, probably easier without men though and anyway what do we NEED then for? we can do diy, we work, we can cook, look after kids, have sex toys and sperm banks, perfect!!!! we could kill off a whole host of them and just keep the good ones to take turns on, milk and perv at and rid ourselves of those that fall below our expectations which is going to be 98% of them

My deadline is end of September. It's a personal deadline that ties in with the good old cosmic ordering, I think I need 6 weeks to not be really fucking scary lead him in.

Yay! A project!! :).

Ooh, my birthday is at the end of September :)

Sorry Snape. But honestly it can't go as badly as mine did, just console yourself with that thought :)

I think maybe a few weeks lead in is a better approach, we will all be willing you on of course

Am thinking of attempting this cosmic ordering. But what I'd like is pretty much impossible, maybe I'm thinking of it too specifically and should just be requesting something more general?

September 28th would have been my wedding anniversary. Glad I got rid.

Hello, long time lurker of this thread, could do with a bit of advice if anyone could help?

Bit of background - met new guy on a night out and hit it off straight away. Began texting a lot and getting to know each other. He asked if he could take me out, we did and had a lovely time.

During the date we discussed what we were looking for in relationships. I said I'd recently (3 months ago) came out of a relationship and wasn't ready to jump straight into another one but would like to date/get to know someone. He agreed and said that his priority was his career and he didn't want a committed relationship that would detract from that.

I thought, fine maybe we could have a casual relationship (dating and sex) that filled a gap for both of us. Fast forward a few weeks and a few dates later and I'm starting to think feelings are developing on both sides. He is very kind, caring, generous, thoughtful and will often ask how I'm feeling/ am I happy. He has begun to say things like 'I really like you' 'you're my ideal girl' 'we'd make a great couple'. Now I'm not really reciprocating as I don't want to complicate things.

When it came to the chat about seeing other people we both said we wouldn't sleep with others but he said he'd still like to go out and have a cheeky flirt and a bit of a snog. I've realised I'm not comfortable with this but there's nothing I can do other than tell him that.

Basically, I suppose I just want to know if any of you have been in a similar situation and what did you do?

Hi all. I've been reading with interest
Unrequited love is exhausting. I've been there. It's very painful to know the truth but when I did I felt less tortured. This was after I made a fool of myself crying. What did it for me was he didn't show any regard for the dept of my feelings. That was when I realised he didn't care one iota. It was like a door closing. Relief.
No dating news for me. I get vert few messages.

ChelseaGirl that would make me feel uncomfortable too, I would feel pressured. If it were me in this situation I would ask myself if I really liked him and wanted to carry on seeing him, if I decided I did then I would have to talk to him, because not getting it out there causes resentment to build and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the relationship for what it was. I would just tell him I wasn't ready for any kind of commitment, that I found all the talk off putting, would rather he didn't talk about us being a couple etc and would understand if he wanted to end things and find someone who was ready for the things he wanted. The ball would be in his court then. If he really is into you, he will respect how you feel.

chelseagirl hello! I'm picking on a couple of sentences from your post, 'feelings are developing on both sides' and 'a bit of a snog, I'm not comfortable with this'

You have been 'dating and getting to know someone' you've got to know him a bit better, you dont like him snogging other people, he thinks you'd be a great couple - i think you're on the edge of having a relationship with this chap - why are you backing off when he says things like 'you're my ideal girl'? it's already complicated! you're not going to complicate it further by agreeing with what he says about potentially being a couple.

another issue might be that he senses you backing off, so he's not putting all his testicles in one basket and is continuing to flirt and have a snog because you're backing off.

Do what evil time did to me up thread - how would you feel if it ended now?

Oop! I've just read your post again Chelseagirl. So he has agreed not to sleep with anyone else but he would still like to go out to have a bit of a flirt and a snog? Good gracious! I wouldn't agree with that either but I'm old He is either dating you or he isn't? Is he keeping his options open or something? I've not been in this situation but if a bloke told me we were exclusive but he was still going out snogging and flirting I would show him the door. So there!

I will flirt when i am in a relationship, honestly i do it without realizing, so flirting wouldnt bother me, but kissing other people would, he either wants to be exclusive and not sleep with other people OR kiss them or he doesnt either way you need to know. I am exclusive at the moment and i know i wouldnt go kissing anyone else, no seriously i sorta have a couple floating around close by, so i know i have other options.

Chelsea - Its not an exclusive relationship. It sounds to me like he is just feeding you a line, whilst keeping his options open. If you want an exclusive relationship then you need to tell him the terms. He either accepts or you move on.

Seriously? oh I wont sleep with anyone else but I will snog them?

Chelsea I agree with the others re: keeping his options open. Not good really. I think you two should have an honest chat about it all.

D-day for me tomorrow. Fucking hell the nerves have just kicked in massively my palms are all sweaty and my entire insides are flipping wildly.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Lubey. Have you heard from him since all this happened? What is tomorrow expected to bring that you don't know already? Do you have a list?

D day sounds serious to me, lubey hoping it all goes well for you.

Life is going okay at the moment though getting a little complicated. I sorta have a couple or three "men" in my life and they dont know about each other.....