real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

Nikita and whether you approve or not, I have now christened him 'Mr redwings' and henceforth that is his MN name!

Rejection doesn't kill you Snape, sometimes it sets you free.

January 2011 was a long time ago. Things have changed since then. By your own admission you are closer. Instead of talking why don't you just step things up a gear, get even closer, openly act like a woman in love, if you don't already, behave as though you are in a relationship with him, if you can do so any more than you already do, and see what happens, see if you get a response.

And it is open and honest because you have previously told him how you feel, you are just refusing to do so again in case you get the same answer. It's not that you aren't being honest with him now, you just aren't saying anything. There's a difference

Nikita Gosh! Just, Gosh!

Snape just as a matter of interest, can you see yourself in a full blown, totally committed relationship with PM, living together, happily ever after an all that shite Or do you have times when you think what you have is almost perfect and becoming any further involved might just spoil that, so you are best staying as you are? In other words, are you holding back because you are not really sure that you want things to change. Just asking.

nikita gosh. I haven't done blood sports for a long time which is nothing to do with me not having had a period in.two years

Well, I tend to not spend my time daydreaming happy endings in a cinderellaish fashion; I have a kind of middle road approach where I don't really appreciate co habitation and as I don't believe in marriage, I find it a bit at odds with my belief system that I have now had to ask myself this question & find I would marry him on the spot & possibly even change my surname. This us at odds with my entire belief system [wetfish] I've gone off you again time. :)

You might find that once you do have him, in that he is all yours, warts and all, you don't want to marry him. You know the old saying, you always want what you can't have

This is very true. I'll be on the relationships board moaning about picking up his fucking socks and how he never pays me any attention, because he's welded to his psp & how I wish I'd never listened to that interfering Harridan time, because I only grabbed his cock in the jacuzzi because she goaded me into it!

I'm not advising you to live with him, ohhh noooo! I think you should just carry on as you are but introduce sex. Lots of sex. That seems to be all this little set up is lacking. No need for weddings and all that messy stuff. He might take the cats if you divorce.

Ooh time agree completely, no getting divorces, you have to keep the cats!!

And snape that made me giggle. I mist look mad. Lol.

Not my cats!

I have no cats and don't need to re think remarrying cos it will NOT be happening.

Evening :)

snape I'm backing Time and her advice wrt PM although I'd be too much of a coward to do it myself

It's called taking charge Chaotic, not letting your life be defined by another. Tis very liberating

It might be taking charge but I think the only time I could do it is if I never had to see him again if he didn't feel the same way. Mind you I'd probably die if that happened so that wouldn't be a problem

I have to say though snape you're a lot braver than I am so you've no excuse

I would need to have the talk because living in limbo would drive me insane. I would want to know in which direction my life was heading. Knowing how he felt would give me a choice, it would put me in control, I could either decide to continue or move on without him if his answer was a negative one. If it was a positive outcome then it would have been worth the risk. To me, either way is a win win situation. I wouldn't die if he didn't feel the same way

I agree with Time as well. Even though on every occasion I've been in a situation of liking a male friend and declared my intentions (as it were), I have been met with a mixture of horror and/or derision. But at least then I knew...

And frankly there is no-one else who can be as much of a total fuck-up with men as I am, so don't let my bad experiences put you off :)

Logically Time I know you're right, and sponge too, but I'd want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Of course with my luck that hole would lead to a pit full of flames

Is that because you would take it personally Chaotic? See, I would think the problem was his, it would have to be, if I was good enough to spend all that time with, to enjoy all those good times with, but he couldn't commit to me, then it would be something about him, not me.

When I was 20, I had to have 'the talk' with my then closest male friend.

He feigned utter astonishment, and claimed never to have been interested in me or to have any feelings for me at all other than friendship which was utter bullshit.

We drifted apart after that, and didn't even stay friends. I almost literally bumped into him once a few years later - about 1997 I think - at court where he was prancing around with a mobile like a total prick and he pretended not to know who I was

Frankly, nothing can go as badly as that :)

The postscript to that story is that I could and should have gone out with his best friend, who absolutely adored me the whole time we were at uni but who I totally disregarded because he was a bit too nice and puppyishly over-eager and wore horrible jumpers

I think it's because I'd then be imagining that they felt pity for me from then on. I wouldn't want to see them again just in case I saw that pity in their eyes, that I couldn't stand.

I suppose there would come a point when I'd possibly, just maybe, screw up my courage and say something but it would probably have got to the point where I'd blurt it out and sound like a right idiot too.

Can I join? {grin} I know Lubey of old (Lubey - am bewildered) just rejoined the online dating circuit with all it entails - have just joined guardian soulmates, and have a date pending - doesn't help that my profile pic makes me look decidedly deranged - I AM slightly deranged - but still...

Horrible jumpers are a perfectly valid reason not to go out with someone when you're at uni Mind you you could have persuaded him to stop wearing them and saved some other poor woman from a fate of horrible jumpers

Welcome pixwix :)

Slightly deranged is a necessary quality when coping with the world of online dating

Ahh but Chaotic, you would be writing the story, assuming he would feel pity for you, maybe they wouldn't. Your imagination would be your enemy. If he was a really good 'friend' he would understand, you would talk it through and things would be fine, one way or another.

Sponge sounds like you had a lucky escape there.