real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

Oh yes Lubey, I remember BOR

I'm going to work on my list tomorrow, see what happens, it can't hurt. But I'm adding those shoes to it and a lovely dress that I saw too, and they will be at the top of the list

And now I am imagining the universe sending me a man who ticks all my boxes and likes to cross dress in lovely shoes and nice dresses. Maybe a separate list is called for.

Chaotic Low carb is your friend for weightloss!

Wow, this thread moves quickly! I'm too tired to try & catch up now but I've been having a wee look on POF today...interesting. A whole different (dare I say it?) kettle of fish to the site I was on before - more sleeze to weed out but maybe a few genuine ones in there somewhere...?

Morning :)

Time I'm not sure I can do a low carb diet. I could reduce the amount of carbs I'm eating and substitute white with brown but I do like pasta dishes and sandwiches. I'll have to think about it.

Chaotic I find it quite easy because I can't eat gluten, which rules out pasta and bread for a start. But yes, have a think about it, I love it, couldn't eat any other way now, I've never felt healthier.

No texts from Candle Sniffer. Tis looking good!

reducing carbs and going for lower glycemic index carbs/food in general will help as it improves insulin sensitivity.

Exercise also has a significant effect on insulin sensitivity, it's not just about calories used during...there are much wider effects on body composition and metabolism :)

I've got a rebounder Mercury, I use that for exercise but this week I've been in the garden doing heavy stuff so I've given it a miss. I do love how low carb helps you to lose fat without affecting muscle tone. I've lost weight but my body has definition, no sagging, iyswim?

I have zero gardening skills..luckily I live in a flat..dont think my downstairs neighbour would be impressed if I had a rebounder!
besides I've done way too much dumb stuff 'on the rebound'
(excuse the daft pun :o)

You should all try the "My XH (now aka Fuckmuppet) shagged another woman" diet - did wonders for me!

Actually in all seriousness, I've been reading a lot lately that sugar has almost as much, if not more, effect on weight loss (and specifically insulin sensitivity) than fats & carbs. Just a thought.

Time - been following your story and have to agree that Candle Sniffer was a complete twat and you are well rid of him!

Ok, so here are some initial thoughts on POF v other online dating.

Up til now I've used The Guardian's Soulmate site. Not nearly so many men to choose from (hence one of the reasons I ended up seeing someone so far away) and still a few weird ones but for the most part they can all string together several coherent sentences and carry on a conversation that doesn't involve the words 'hun' or 'sexy lady'. On average I received maybe one new message or "Like" a week. In the 5 months I used it I had 2 dates with nice guys I just decided I wasn't interested in, 1 brief fling (decent guy, smart, good job, made me laugh & was just something I needed to help me start moving on from Fuckmuppet) and 1 short-lived 'relationship' with a guy I really liked but couldn't work due to the distance. However, if I go back to Soulmates now, it's still all the same men and no one new to choose from.

In my first day on POF I must have had about 20 messages. About half got deleted immediately because they consisted entirely of "Hi sexy lady xxx"! Several more got deleted due to distance (learning my lesson), age (WTF do I need with a 25 year old??!, I have enough kids to look after already) or men who weren't interested in relationships. Which left me with about 4 that I actually replied to and 1 I might be interested in continuing to talk to.

So almost the same result in the end. In any case I'm keeping an open mind.

I love gardening Mercury, I've just ordered a compost bin and can hardly contain my excitement

Yogagirl I think I would rather have one decent message a week than 20 crap messages in one day. It becomes demoralising to read one useless message after another.

When it comes down to it you only need one, he just has to be the right one :)

Disclaimer...there are exceptions to this rule.

I've just came back from Mr VN's place, after spending the night, and after him spending the previous night at mine. :o

I was indeed with my period, so we went slowly, getting to know each other and cuddling a lot.

The first night he had offered to bring me home (over 1 hour roundtrip) and I invited him to stay. He cooked for me at his place. It seems he had been planing the menus for a while. And he was exceedingly nice. I think I'll change his name to Mr Kippling. :)

seriously I can understand the allure of composting, anything to do with recycling/making your own, perhaps I will be a gardener at some point in my life, maybe a tomato plant on my kitchen window sill:)

I couldnt get on with POF, dont know why, all the people I met were from no strings dating sites (which are arguable 'worse' than POF)
am still seeing one of them over a year later.

I dont have any active profiles right now...lost the urge to pursue 'intimate encounters'

Lueji that sounds lovely.

Time - I recommend the Guardian site, there are some really decent guys on there. A friend of mine who's been single a long time put me onto it. ONly thing is, unlike POF, you have to pay for a subscription if you actually want to talk to anyone. But you can set up a profile for free and have a look round to see if it's for you.

Time, at least you gave him a second chance, so you can be sure he is a twat. Sorry, fuckmuppet. :o

And Mr K swears by the wanting something very much.
I'm not convinced it really works, as I haven't bumped into DS's swim teacher again. :( But that's probably for the best.

I missed the night of the reappearance of mr candle-sniffer!

I think he's viewing it as a bit of a game, he's enjoying the chase. I think as soon as you slept with him, he'd disappear. I would just ignore him now. I think it's a very difficult balance, to acknowledge that there is a sexual interest and that someone prompts a stirring of the genitals or a moistening of the gusset; there's a delicate and romantic way of doing it though, other than repeatedly yelling 'uv got me horny'

I had a strange day. PM is trying to convince me to go back on OKC, I maintain that I don't really like Internet dating and that I don't really want a relationship because I'm in love with you, you idiot other topics of conversation included pubic hair topiary, how he is 'visual' so uses OKC randomly (I go on percentage match) which might explain why I am always invited to leave the plunge pool at the gym first, he's either being polite or checking out my dripping wet arse. Probably the former.

Then dinner at mine, ended up on the sofa with one of my cats sitting on his lap, his feet on my lap and me stroking his legs.. I was a teeny tiny bit drunk, I think my act might have slipped a bit.

I need to buy a new swimsuit.

leuji. This is lovely! Lovely Mr.Kipling! :).

To the mumsnetter that asked - I'm great now, thank you :-) My moods are like the British weather x

Mercury I can't wait to have a go at composting. I'm already saving my tea bags ready to go in! A tomato plant on the window sill sounds like a good start.

Yogagirl I had a look around GSM a few months ago but found there wasn't many men in my area so didn't think it was worth signing up to. It costs money too doesn't it?

Leuji MrKippling sounds lovely! Are you also lusting after another man? And yes, Candle Sniffer well and truly proved himself to be a Fuckmuppet, saved me forking out on the busfare into town to meet him for coffee, good lad

Snape he said to me in a text yesterday "I will always care for you?" I replied "Look, you don't know me, and to be frank you are coming across as a bit of a div" He then replied "That's just me, big heart as well as big... " No word from him today but if he does get in touch I am ignoring him. That little phase of my life is over As for the moistening of the gusset, what does it for me is intelligence, good conversation, you know, when someone talks 'to you' rather than at you, I find that a bigger turn on than looks and stuff. When this guy said he was an accountant I thought he must have some intelligence, but seemingly not!

Oh Snape, you and PM, it's lovely, it really is, but I wish he would grow some balls and leap on you! Trying to tempt you back to Cupid, did he say why he thinks you should sign up again? I wonder if he was wanting to hear that you don't want a relationship, maybe? I mean, he isn't having much success on there so why does he think you should give it a go again?

I think it's a package thing, isn't it, for me, a combination of intelligence, kindness, the way you just click with someone & the way they look at you, combined with something a bit quirky about their appearance...I'm a sucker for nice shoulders. .

I think he has this bizarre idea that I might meet someone else & be happy. .

I like nice forearms. Nice tanned forearms in a white short sleeved shirt. His forearms were the only attractive thing about my ex.

I wonder what PM would do if you told him you couldn't see him any more, that you love him deeply and to be able to move on you have to cut all contact with him. I wonder what he would do at the thought of losing you? Because it seems to me that he is getting a lot of his needs met just by having you in his life, I wonder what his life would be like without you in it?

I think you are flattering with the devious charge, it usually involves some cunning & guille, a certain amount of sophistication..

Sorry, meant to answer this last night and then forgot.

When I said devious I meant it in that he thought 'I'll pretend to be sorry then when I get her texting me again I'll start up with the smutty texts.' However, he wasn't intelligent to think through to what the consequences would be when he did start the smutty texts up again.

Just enough brain cells to think it up but not enough to think it through

As you were...

I have been lusting after the swim teacher for the past year. More of a fantasy, really. I think...

I like to be able to have good conversations too, and to learn something from the other person. As well as laughing, being silly and having quiet time. Someone who really cares, apologises, says please and thanks, and really appreciates things. And likes kisses and cuddles and hugs. And can go on his own and is happy for me to go too.

This morning we ended up talking about DNA and global economics, cuddling naked in bed, even before moving on to other things. :o
But we also watched the Muppets movie last night, just for fun.

I think he'd accept my decision. Which sucks. Which is why when I was talking about the very thing (to you lot) a while ago, when he was contemplating moving away, I could have just about done it, because we wouldn't see each other every day. If I did that and bumped into him somewhere (he lives 2 streets away) my resolve would crumble, because I just look at him and melt.

Actually, not sure if thats true, i obvioholy have red -rags... He'd annoyed me a few weeks ago, we had a row, I told him he was acting like a prick, but after about half an hour of having a vaguely reasonable discussion (& me calling him a prick a few more times) we'd talked it out, agreed to disagree where we had to. I like that about us, it makes it feel less like an obsessive crush and more like something real.

Snape, it is possible that your feelings for him prevent you from finding someone else.

At the same time he has his emotional needs filled by you, while pursuing other women. Not really fair.

I think you need to resolve that relationship.

I think he might accept your decision in the first instance, because he won't want to appear bothered, but knowing the kind of friendship you too have together I can't imagine that he would just let you walk away, you fill such a huge space in his life.

He doesn't pester you for sex though Snape, he respects you as his friend and doesn't take advantage, although I am sure you would like him to