Husband and teens?

[blackraven12]

Hi this is my first post on here although I do browse through often.

Just wanted some advice/opinions please. Sorry may be a bit long.

Bit of backstory first, about two years ago I found out that husband had searched for 'teen bodies' on a torrent site along with some other stuff (not porn related). He hadn't actually downloaded anything it had just appeared in the search box. Now I know a lot of porn with teen in the title are actually 18+ but can look 16 etc so presumed it was that. I was still a little shocked and when I asked him about it he denied it and said it must be a virus. He later admitted it was him.

Last Christmas we were shopping and as we were getting served I noticed him staring at the girl working on the next checkout about 17/18. After we left the shop I turned to speak to him and he was looking through the shop window at the girl as we walked to the car. I've noticed him doing this in a couple of shops girls being 17/18 or a bit older. Now I know its normal for a man to admire a pretty girl but with it just made me feel uneasy. He's 44 by the way.

Now the main reason why I posted. The other day he got some boxes of stuff from his mates house (lived there about 4 yrs ago) that he's going to sell on ebay. I was sorting through them when I found a black book (there were other paperbacks in there) I flicked through it to see what it was and he'd used it as a diary for 2004, so 8 years ago. It was mainly empty pages with a few entries and I know I shouldn't have (I wish I hadn't!) but I had a look.

Part of one entry was"Found out that sexy young(I'll use the name Sarah) is in fact only nearly 14! Why couldn't she have been 17 I could've coped with that." He was 36 at the time.

Another one couple months later " went up to friends, Sarah was looking as dangerous as ever. She really does not look 14. Its criminal. I'm no pervert but she's one cute ,sexy *"

Am I overeacting feeling shocked that even though he new she was 14 he still thought she was sexy??

I haven't said anything to husband. Should I? Should I forget about it?

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read it all!

Not the thing is, he didn't get it wrong he knew her age. That's the point. He KNEW.

Zippeys post, well wow.

zippey, another apologist for inadequate men

the world has many of them, unfortunately

OMG - these comments are vile. My dd is 13 but has the body of an adult woman. But she is also - very obviously - a child.

Just for a bit of perspective here, my DD is 22 and she and her friends are shunning one of their male friends who is 25 and has just started seeing a 16 year old girl - they think he's disgusting, all of them , blokes included.
What does that tell you?

But that can't be true!! The men probably do fancy her, but can't openly admit it. They can't help themselves after all

I think there are as many inadequete men as there are inadequate women. People seem to think or want to believe that life can be a bubble of perfection, but people generally dont think the same way as one other

I think its helpful for the OP to get a sensible alternative point of view.

it's alternative all right

To Malificence- Is 16 and 25 too big an age gap? Its not breaking the law, and if their relationship lasts 5 years then she will be 21 and he 30. Thats not bad is it? Its a seperate point but as long as no-one is breaking the law, I dont see the relationship being anyones business. Its sad if it is true that friends are shunning him. They cant be true friends.

There is nothing sensible about your POV zippey, it turns my stomach, as it would anyone with proper boundaries regarding sexual thoughts about underage teenage girls.

I dated a 23 year old when i was 16 and his workmates were disgusted with him and told him so. He had other friends who were fine with it but they were into young girls too, in fact one of them had sex with me when i was a very drunk 15 year old (he was 27) so can't say i respect their opinion!

21 and 30 is completely different to 16 and 25! Can't you see that?

To be honest it is impossible to know someone will definately not do something. You can hope and find it really unlikely but I am sorry but you can never be sure.

I think just watch how he behaves now. At very least approach him on how uncomfortable him leering ay checkout girls is, as that is disrespectful to you.

Oh and also how on earth is a man upon first looking at say, a 15 year old girl, not to know she is 18 if she looks it or says so?

Once she tells him/her friends tell him/he sees her passport then yes to continue anything on would be wrong but if he had already started finding her attractive how does he instantly stop this? The human brain doesnz't work that way.

But I still say could be a situation like this. Either way if he makes a habit of it it seems very dodgy.

blackraven, just read your post and all these replies. Sorry you are having to deal with the new reality of who your husband is.

The thing hat strikes me most is that the diary entry said 'Found out that sexy young(I'll use the name Sarah) is in fact only nearly 14!

This says to me he has asked about her. He wanted to find out her age. This is not someone just seeing a pretty girl through a window, and wondering how old she is. It's more than that.

The age is one thing. And I do agree with most people here, it's worrying.

But more importantly for you, his behaviour and attitudes are not those of a happily married man. asking after any girl, no matter what her age, is not acceptable. How does he treat you generally?

Lord. As soon as you speak to a 15 year old you can tell they are not 18. There is a massive difference at that age.

Poo Usually yes but a friend of mine often got mistaken for 18 when younger. She didn't have a childlike voice as I suppose puberty coming early caused this. She was good and did tell those who came onto her her age but it can happen. Also I sound much younger than I am, doesn't mean I am 16.

It's not about the sound of a childs voice or how deep it is! It's how they hold themselves, what language they use, their mannerisms, the things they talk about.

I also had friends who looked much older, big boobs, tall etc. But, anyone spending more then a minute talking to them would have realised her age. The only people who didn't were letcherous old blokes who weren't interested in what she had to say, they just liked staring at her tits. Didn't stop them trying to get in her pants of course.

Poo Yes but whilst I was younger although I looked a lot younger than I was even at 13 or 14 I was extremely articulate. I spoke about finances, the ecconomic climate, family values etc in fact at 12 I gave my friends Mum advice about her ex partner who was stalking her. So in that respect it's not always obvious.

I was always around adults, so I behaved like one. My sisters are 8 and 9 years older than me, so from 10 ish onwards I tended to act very adult like. I wish I didn't, would loved to have still acted like a kid but hey ho.

I do know what you mean though for most people that age that is the case but I am just stating there are acceptions. Of course when he finds out otherwise and still tries to act on it, that is not right in any which way as that is predatory.

No definately not. But I am saying if it's not obvious it's hardly saying the man is stupid is it, it's just saying they may not notice it. As soon as they realise however, they should stay well clear of a girl that age as it's completely inappropriate and any continuation of such behaviour is purely disgusting.

I don't see where I said it's not the man's fault, to be honest. It would be the same as a woman thinking a 15 year old guy was 18 then discovering otherwise. Again, she should stay well clear.

All I am saying is as long as the OPs husband thinks these things and thinks them only and does not try anything with someone really young as in 17 or 18, that will be alright as that isn't a crime. If he starts thinking of 15 year olds in that way then the OP really needs to consider if this is the kind of man she wants to stay with. However, you can't know for sure if someone is going to act out their fantasies. You can think it unlikely, but unless you are inside someone elses head which nobody else is, then how on earth could you possibly know?

you think men don't know when a girl is underage ?

especially the type of man that goes out of his way to look for "teen" porn ?

think again

that's the excuse they delude themselves with and it's other people who are stupid if they swallow it

In my experience normal men from 14-100 eye up anything with breasts of adult hight ie 13+

They don't deliberately go looking for teens on the net or right about them in their diaries.

Write about them nor pass public comment if they know they are under 16.

Some people have really low opinions of men. Like they are some dick led animals. It's sad.

That's an awful way to think of men. As is describing women as things not people. Anyone, anything. Double own goal there.