Chutney

[LouP19]

Where do I go? My thread has gone?!!

Bit upset by the soap opera comments, but understand it probably came out wrong. I like a quiet life. I like reading. I like staying in. I like cats. I like gardening and looking at stuff in Dunelm mill. This is NOT me at all.

So I've definitely put in as much as him overall, if not slightly more.

Good! This puts you in an extremely strong position when added to the fact that he admits cheating on you, has left the residence of his own accord, and you're pregnant.

Once again you are showing your amazing strength Lou, and dealing with everything that gets thrown at you, as it happens. You remind me of one of those little doll thingies that my kids had - can`t remember what they were called!- that bounced back when you pushed them over. Slowly but surely, you will start to get the answers you need to help you make the right choices. The heartache and pain, and feelings of total abandonment, sadly, will take longer, but one day you will find your smile again.....I promise.

Do you have a means of recording the solicitor (you'd have to get permission), as that way you can concentrate on what s/he's saying and ask questions etc, but also play back all the advice afterwards when it comes to taking some action.

I have a very lovely little dictaphone thing which can take about 100hrs of audio and connects to my computer so I can upload it and do what I like with it. You may be able to get a certain amount of audio recorded on your phone, but otherwise, Curry's or whatever have thhings which would do.

Regardless of recording, it would be good to have someone else there anyway; moral supporter, memory jogger, note taker etc! Coffee and cake after of course.

Weebles?

A note taker sounds a good idea as Audio is good but i think second opinion to interpret what is said is good plan. Also I know there is no reliance on It but posting in legal might give you a flavour of what to expect and also maybe help you frame some questions so you can make most of the time you have and come out with a plan.

Chutney may be a twat of first order but it is unlikely his conduct will have much bearing on financial settlement- ow etc only relevant in as much as grounds for divorce.

Sorry just thinking aloud and trying to be practical.

Them`s the little buggers!!! Thanks Skye.

Hello lou,
Are you able to view you utility bills on line at all? This might set your mind at rest that they are still being paid.

I hope you are keeping a time line of all these events. This action shows him to be very calculating re the property and utilities.

Best wishes.

Come to think of it this thread forms quite a useful timeline! It's going to be very easy to be clear about the order of events and when/how you learnt about things.

By the way, I may be wrong but I suspect the redirect wasn't prompted by your email exchange about post. The post office simply do not move that fast. I think he did it last week. I think the standard time is seven days before it kicks in.

Lou despite all the crap he is trying to throw at you, your strength of character and shine through in all your posts. It is so clear to the outside that you are worth so much more than he could ever hope to be.

One practical point regarding the house, I was once advised by Solicitor that although my house was in my name, as ex p had contributed more towards the deposit that he may be able to make a claim on the increase in equity. This was only because it was the deposit and equity. I paid the mortgage payments, he paid other bills. The difference here is that the house was in my name only but he could still make a claim as if it were some sort of investment. Not married. I don't know if this could apply in your situation as you put in more deposits, something to check with your solicitor.

Can the utility companies send out bills NOW, first class, so they might beat the redirect. At least you'll have one bill to work with.

Hi Lou, another lurker here. I've been following since last week and just want to say how incredibly strong and dignified you are. I salute you. I am glad you have alot of support in RL; your friends and family sound amazing.

Your post about becoming "cosy" over the years really made me sad. Becoming cosy and comfortable is normal in any relationship. Please don't think this is the reason why your shit head of a husband did what he did. You sound like a lovely person inside and out. You were and are, most definitely too good for that sewer rat.

Hope you have a good day today.

Lou just thinking practically, did he take the marriage cert when he left? If so you could start the ball rolling now by getting a copy sorted (I don't know how long that would take) Don't presume he would help (at all) by giving you the old one as he would want to know why etc. Just work out a way of working around him.

really hope you're having a good day with your friends today

Also the royal mail point taking 7 days sounds like he had this sorted then sent you the arsey email as HIS plan was being interferred with? Either way he is still a complete Chunt.

Lou -I'm sure you have been told this but just to remind you. Various bits of paper will be needed for the sol if you decide to proceed with this one.

Passport is best for proof of ID

Take copies of any utility bills, bank statements, mortgage statements, payslips etc. just to save time on questions.

Completely biarre thought too, but if you aren't around at the time of this counselling session, can you get someone to stay in the house? A little voice in my head wonders if he is setting you up & then intends nippping back to the house to clear out more stuff.

Sorry to give you an extra worry.

You are being so strong. You WILL get this sorted.

Hi Lou

I've been a lurker on here for a while and really feel for your situation, you're doing really well hang in there.

I don't know whether this has been mentioned already, but in terms of finances etc.....if he moves out permanently (which it appears he has) do you think you could get a lodger (I know with being pregnant etc this may just be another thing to think about) but if you find the right person to lodge it could be very beneficial financially etc, I've done it and actually the lodger became a great mate. Another better informed mumsnetter might be able to clarify what the legal side of it would be with him being a joint owner etc.

Just wanted to throw that in the pot to see if it was an option.

I second the option of a lodger.

What a git!!

Can you take photos of how he left the house, ie. empty of personal effects, lots of furniture gone etc. It may be helpful to show the solicitor as 'evidence' that he certainly seemed to have intended to leave permanently, despite the rubbish he has spouted since. Anyway, your neighbour can vouch for the fact that the removal van was there most of the day, and you don't have one of those for a change of clothes and some shaving gear.

Lou in terms of your utility bills read your meters right now and make a note of the dates. At least then you will have a record of whn you are liable to be billed from.

Sorry if someone has already suggested this upthread but i dont have time to read every reply right now.

Keep up your spirits, you are doing so well x

Totally off topic but my consultant was called Mr Wheble and every time I saw him I wanted to sing "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down" lol.

It was even worse when I was out of it on gas and air and seeing green pixies at the end if the bed

The song going through my head right now is the classic by Chumbawumba .

"I get knocked down but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down"

Hello, back again. Feel a little calmer now, it's the weekend and there's nothing I can do (nor he for that matter) so trying to have some quiet time. I went to a friend's for a cup of tea this morning and made a real effort to ask her about her job and holiday, then went to my parents for lunch. We sat down and made another list of things we want to discuss at the solicitors. My brother is also going to attend, along with myself and my Dad. My Dad is very supportive, but perhaps not as quick thinking as my brother, and I want someone else who's going to be there 'on the ball' for the initial appointment.

When I got back from my parents the neighbour from next door asked if I was ok. I saw 'no' and he immediately told me to pop the kettle on and he'd be round in 5 minutes!!! Which he did, he came over and told me it happened to him in his early 20s, and he shared his story and listened and supported me. He then said 'It's clear you're a very intelligent woman Lou and are capable of far more than you've ever shown whilst being with X' and to be honest it's when someone I don't really know (like neighbours and people on here) say that it means even more because, well, they don't HAVE to say it! Whilst he was here my friend came over with her dog and we went for a long walk and then sat in a local pub garden - people came up and spoke to us because her dog is very distinctive and it reinforced my belief in people for a bit. She has said she's happy to do a dog walk with me at the weekends, which is greatly appreciated. Then I came back and another neighbour has texted to say 'glad you're with friends, you're doing so well, came I come and see you soon,...........' so I feel slightly inundated and overwhelmed, but also a sense of revenge already.

I'm rambling, I'm so sorry, you don't want to hear the minutae of my day. However, the legal stuff (solicitors, bills etc) can wait for now as I really feel like I need a rest before it all ramps up next week.

Thank you all, appreciate everybody's help. I may go over to the legal boards tomorrow too.

OF COURSE we want to hear about your day, Lou! It sounds like a very healthy, back-in-touch-with-life day and I'm really pleased for you. The fact that you have lovely friends & neighbours says so many good things about you :)

Glad you are doing ok , I'm having a day with family and friends. It helps to relax and take your mind off everything.

Hey Lou, glad you getting such good support. x

It's fantastic you have such a great support backing you up, glad your day was nice.