Chutney

[LouP19]

Where do I go? My thread has gone?!!

Bit upset by the soap opera comments, but understand it probably came out wrong. I like a quiet life. I like reading. I like staying in. I like cats. I like gardening and looking at stuff in Dunelm mill. This is NOT me at all.

Because he wants to minimise the OW to keep you hanging on and hoping, and also because admitting that he put a faked itinerary on your fridge (FFS!) means even HE might have to face up to what a vile liar he is.

It really does sound like he has two alternative realities, both of which involve him being a nice guy.

I've just had some egg sandwiches. All I can eat is eggs and yogurt because they just slip down. Everything I like (like bread and biscuits!) just stick in my throat.

No, I can't use this diary information as evidence as really my friend shouldn't have been checking it and I don't want to put her in a difficult situation. Now wish I hadn't asked, but it's just more confirmation that he's lying to himself. I keep telling myself this - he isn't lying me, he isn't lying to her, he's completely and utterly lying to himself. And this is the ultimate problem.

I've just had a text and need some help. Massively. It says:

I spoke to the counselling place and arranged an assessment appt for the ,.... (date). This was the earliest I could get an appt as the person we need to see is booked up til them. They will send confirmation to our house which I need to collect, sign and send off payment. I hope this is ok? Let me know when this arrives. I am still feeling very shocked after what you told me yesterday but can't believe this has come at such a bad time. What do you want to do? I don't think it is right to go ahead with this under these circumstances, especially as we now know that there is not a problem with either of us. However, I cannot obviously force you to do anything. We need to talk about this. Early next week? xxx

I'm DEVASTATED. Just another reminder at what a selfish, bastardy idiot he is.

My stomach has just rolled over on your behalf reading that.

WTF is he thinking? Its not convenient so get rid.

I have no advice but Mr Chutney really is the biggest piece of shit so i am sending you a massive hug until others come along.

XXX

Oh Lou, my heart goes out to you.
He is still lying because he is a compulsive liar, he lies to protect himself from the pain of looking inside himself and seeing his own hollow black heart. He lies because he is cruel and weak, and not brave enough to face the truth about himself, and he is certainly not brave enough to tell you, who have truely loved him, how much he has betrayed you with his every breath.

I asked, shouted, and sobbed that question too, so I know how devastated you are feeling now. I haven't even got any advice to give you, except lean on your family, you are surrounded by kindness, use it wisely.

Take care.

Do you WANT to go to this counselling session? Doesn't fucking matter what he wants - what do YOU want?

If you don't want to go, then don't. It really is as simple as that. If you change your mind at a later date, then he or you can re-arrange.

And as far as your "news" - it is YOUR decision and only yours. He'll know when you know and not before. That needs to be communicated to him.

I hate the implication in that text. I really do. I hate it so much I'm not even going to translate what he's actually saying into normal speak - it's so disgusting.

Oh god - big hug. Don't care if that's wrong, have it any way xx

Can you tell him that when the confirmation letter arrives, you will forward it to him at the address he has given you, so no need for him to come over to collect it.

at the continued cuntery of this man weasel!

For a start, you can forward the counselling info on to his new address, there is no way I would allow him to come to the house if I were you.

As for the pregnancy - what a TOTAL FUCKWIT! I would not even dignify that with a response.

Lou, you are doing so well with all of this, you are SO MUCH BETTER OFF WITH THIS NOB OUT OF YOUR LIFE. But you know that.

Also, could you say to him - No need to discuss. We are not together now, when I have made a decision I'll let you know what it is.

He is such a self centered shit.

Re "We need to talk about this" - There is no WE anymore.

I know what i would do and i know what the majority of people on here would do - but this is your life and i won't put added pressure on you becauses it's easy for me to say 'i'd do this...' as it's not happening to me.

Do you want to be married to this man, regardless of baby?
Is there really any coming back from this for your rellie?

First of all, bullshit alert re coming to the house . I've never heard of anything like this. Why can't he just pay on the phone?? Anyone got any ideas?

Last week IIRC you had semi-decided the following as a short-term plan: no contact, fob him off on the counselling when you felt strong enough, secure financial and legal position. This was pretty stark decision-making in response to a stark situation. The underlying point of it all was that YOU had to feel in control of what happened and when, and I don't think you were considering any other outcome than divorce at that point. No matter what he said in HIS reality, you were going to concentrate on yours.

So then the Monday bombshell. While it is massively difficult and complicated, it is still fundamentally a set of decisions you are in control of.

Do you still feel as if the above plan/approach is a good or possible one for you? I'm just wondering whether you now feel like you have to respond to his texts, consider what he says, talk to him about pg.

You really do need to distance yourself from him as soon as possible, cut all contact.

Its not about him anymore, he bailed out. This is about you now and you need to make that very clear to him.

As others have said, forward his mail onto the address he gave you.

Oh my God is there no end to the wankiness of this man . Please don't do a counselling session with him, what a complete and utter TWAT. I am so angry on your behalf. I don't know either of you but I hate him! Who the fuck does he think he is?

I've followed since the beginning of the last thread but lurked as had nothing to add... What a total coward he has proven himself to be! 'Bad time' followed by the sop to you of 'what do you want to do' followed by the revert to normal twuntishness of being something that should not be continued 'in these circumstances'. Certainly shows his true colours.

Take care and decide what's going to be right for you.

We does the confirmation paperwork need to be sent to YOUR house? If he needs to sign and return with payment, surely he should be asking for it to be sent to his current address. Or is he pretending to everyone else (save immediate family/friends) that he still lives at your address?

I also bloody hate the 'early next week?' like he's booking in at the dentist.

I think mishymashy's right tbh, the only way you can guarantee this lowlife doesn't wind you up on a daily basis is by cutting contact. Otherwise you're just in his web.

I have been reading your thread since Sunday evening and been too lost for words to post (albeit silently routing for you - and not-so-slightly ROFLMAO at some of the choice names Mumsnetters have come up with for your DickheadH).

Having just read your last post can I suggest a text back along the lines of:

It is my body and I will be the one to decide whether the time and circumstances are right since you have proved in the last week you are far too irresponsible and immature to make any kind of adult decision whatsoever. With regard to the counselling I suggest you stick it where the sun don't shine and fuck off to the far side of fuck forthwith.

Incidentally I keep thinking of 'The Inbetweeners' 'Bus Wankers' scene, but it keeps turning in Chutney Wanker in my head!

Presumably he's been telling OW he hasn't been sleeping with his wife...and he knows that a pregnancy will out him to OW. Twunt.

I've got a bullshit alert going too, about this appointment and sending confirmation to the house. If they need to send any confirmation why did he not give the address where he's living now? Something odd there...

Sorry Lou this pig just gets worse and worse..

sorry, WHY does.....

Hefty agree with you on all points there.

pollyblue doesn't want OW seeing it, either. But in a sense why does he do anything, it all seems to be designed to just keep himself in Lou's hair and keep giving her new shit to worry about.

madbus oh yes re OW. I hadn't thought of that, was thinking more along the lines of just wanting to be in Lou's face.

I'm guessing he wants your signature too for paperwork? Oh Lou cut him out, he'll bring you nothing but misery and you are way way too good for him.

OK, Firstly deal with the post issue.

Go to the post office and get the redirection forms fill them in with his new address and post them to him. After that any post that arrives with you by accident can be returned to sender.

Ok re the text first he is a shit!

Second there is NO we, there is you and your body but NO we.

He opted out of a we situation when he booked the removal van

Third his text is designed to give you hope about "reconcilation" and to give him control (by seeming resonable and dangling the future baby possibilty like a carrot)

PLEASE get yourself a PAYG, so that you can control this STBX contact!!!

Your body.....YOUR choice!

What ever YOU decide we will be here for online support, and your family, friends and neigbours will be there for real life support.