Chutney

[LouP19]

Where do I go? My thread has gone?!!

Bit upset by the soap opera comments, but understand it probably came out wrong. I like a quiet life. I like reading. I like staying in. I like cats. I like gardening and looking at stuff in Dunelm mill. This is NOT me at all.

Hello all, just checking in before I 'attempt' to go to work. Spoke to my boss yesterday, she's said 'see how you go', and has said they're all routing for me. Feel very lucky in that respect. She's also said she'll see if she can get me any extra hours in the short term.

Got an emergency counselling appointment at the fertility clinic next week.

Re: the chemical pregnancy. I got a positive result, followed be a negative 2 days later. Bear in mind I have spent the last 3 years of my life looking at BFNs. I rang my fertility clinic who said it sounded like a chemical pregnancy and that I should wait a week to see if my period appeared, if not go to the doctor. Two days later he left. The last thing I have been thinking about was where my period was. I then go to the nurse about getting informaton on STIs and she immediately said we need to do a pregnancy test. I collasped on the floor when she said it was positive. If you look on the TTC boards I started a thread 'My God' I think it was called, where I stated I was amazed I'd got a BFP, then 2 days later I was typing how upset I was because I thought it was chemical. Really, this is just as much a shock to me as everything else.

I spoke to him yesterday lunchtime and told him. My choice, I want to feel in control of this. Stunned silence, followed by 'this is the worse possible time'. Didn't expect anything else, but it's important to ME that I'm honest and can hold my head up high. If I told him 2/3 weeks down the line I could just see it would be more ammo against me and I'm not giving him that satisfaction. He is still talking about counselling, yesterday admitted there were problems in the marriage but admits full responsibility for the affair. I am leaving the counselling up to him - he is ringing around places, but again not making any decisions on this. Going to go quiet on him for a few days, let the pregnancy sink in.

Had a bath, then slept for an hour, then went to visit some friends last night. Sat and had pizza (2 slices!) and a yogurt and they let me just talk and talk. Today I'm attempting to go to work, Mum's driving me in, and then 2 friends have said they'll come home with me or we go to the pub for tea afterwards.

Brain has just shut down processing any of it. I spent all weekend angry/upset/angry/upset, and now I'm on shutdown. Or at least I think I am. I'll no doubt check in at work (can't see it being a productive day), but want to thank you all for your wise words, comfort and support - it is really really helping.

He really is the twat who keeps on getting twattier! just thinking of himself with no regard to the trauma he has caused, what a disgusting excuse for a man he is. Hope today at work goes ok, take care.

Un Mn hugs for you Lou. You are doing so well to manage to eat and get into work. Am not surprised you feel a bit numb as its been horrible shock for you (understatement).

Glad you took the initiative telling chutneythief about pg. I do hope counselling for you (and your lovely friends and family) give you strength to do what is best for you. But have no doubt you will as are handling this amazingly

Meant help of lovely friends and family not that they need counselling
Oh and chutney not being overwhelmed by news has been predicted by many of the wise types on here .

Morning Lou, hope you get on okay today.
I understand why you told him about the pregnancy, if he had an ounce of your decency things would be very different.
Take care.

Morning Lou,
Been thinking about you lots and how confusing all this must be.

Good on you for telling him and keeping the control over decisions you will make.

Well done for getting into work and keeping a bit of routine.

Keep taking up all the offers of help and support from your friends and family. Let them carry you along whilst your brain works hard to process all this emotional turmoil.

You will be OK. We all believe 100% in you.

And thumbs up for pizza x

Morning Lou

I'm glad you've got so many people on your side looking after you. Take the help whenever it's offered. See - all these people know how lovely you are. Can you see it's chutneyface who has the issue not you?

Oh, and don't feel you have to come on here and explain yourself to anybody. This is your space to say what you feel like saying.

Hey lou, go easy on yourself at work

Hope work went ok. It might actually help. Sometimes a bit of 'normality' and a break from all the things churning round your brain can make you feel a bit better.
If it's too much straight away, don't feel you need to go back just yet. You have more than enough reason to take all the time you need. do what's best for you.
You're doing so well.

I give it a week before he comes begging. I bet he'll try to come back to you. I know you don't want to be pregnant, facing all of it alone but please don't take him back. If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy and it's turns into a viable pregnancy for you then he's no father material.

Thinking of you Lou.

Hope you are minding yourself Lou, I'm so pleased you are going to have a baby despite the circumstances. Someday all this confusion and pain will just be a bad memory and your lovely child will be the light of your life.

Please mind yourself, be gentle with yourself and try to eat, sleep and take your vitamins. x

take it easy Lou, work will understand!

Well done, Lou. As I said, one day at a time. Thinking of you and hope work provides a bit of distraction and gets you through another day.

Hope work goes ok Lou. Go easy on yourself. Well done for telling him, maybe his head will be as fcuked as yours is now.... Give him something to think about beside himself.

I'm glad you've got emergency counselling next week. You need to think about a lot of things, but you can do whatever you want to do.

Your colleagues and boss sound lovely - I think we're all getting a pattern here of absolutely EVERYONE in your life APART from Chutneytwat thinking you're great, and in no way to blame for anything, and worthy of love and support, and protection from him.

For all that he seems harmless now though, and talking to him doesn't seem to be affecting you much, I'd be on my guard. He hurt you monstrously only a week ago. Maybe he killed your love stone dead (certainly hope so, for your sake!) and can't hurt you any more - but I bet he'll try. I'm just bearing in mind some of the things springydaffs said. Don't get sucked in. If he sounds like he's being more "reasonable", or making progress in that he admits to the affair, remember this is the man who sacked your house and, on being asked why, talked about John Terry. Last week he was unbelieveably vile to you. But abusive twats wouldn't be abusive all the time or no-one would ever give them the time of day. His priority now is probably convincing you that he's not really that vile, and waiting for your memories of last week to fade.

Hope you have a good day at work, as much as possible.

Have followed this quietly in the background, felt I couldn't add much to the amazing support you've had on here already.

Just wanted to wish you well back at work, and say you're a true inspiration, I wish I had half the strength you've displayed when my ex walked out on me.

Good morning Lovely Lou,

I am full of admiration at the way you are processing everything and slowly making the decisions that are right for you. The fertility counselling will also help you to continue to do this.

If you feel physically strong enough, being at work will be far better for you than sitting at home being constantly reminded of what has happened. Especially as it sounds as if you have great support there too. What you have experienced and dealt with in the space of ONE WEEK is absolutely mind boggling. You are a very special lady.......Much love.

Well done, lou for eating and going out of your house and putting one foot in front of another. Keep on going!

Hello, well I'm at work and have done sod all.
I had an email from a friend who has access to his bosses diary. As suspected, there is no mention of his boss travelling to Italy for a week, which is what I was told (i.e. he was going to Italy with his boss). In fact the boss had several meetings locally in his diary, together with his appraisal, so I doubt any of those were done in the Bay of Naples.
Before my husband went away, he drew up an 'itinery' of his plan and put it on our fridge - where he was staying, what he was going. What an absolute and utter twat. The delusion is devastating of course, but totally mind boggling. And all to such great LENGTHS. No wonder he's moved out because he needs 'a break' ffs.
Anyway, feeling stronger now, but when I got this email I just burst into tears and was taken into a separate office and had arms around me. They're great here, and I don't want to lose this support network for now.
What a complete and utter cunt. I asked him if he went to Italy with the OW and he said 'no'. Why is he STILL lying?

Bloody hell- somehow this doesn't surprise me about this twat but I can see how bloody awful it is to lie and go to such lengths about it . Have you got this printed out if want to discuss if/confront him (not that I see much point in engaging with the deluded twat).

Are your friends still coming to pick you up from work my lovely?

Well done Lou for being so strong.
Please don't message him i know it's easier said than done.
I'm really glad you've got a good support network there.
Have you managed to eat much today?

Yes - cunt.

I rarely use that word, but I'll say it again - HE'S A CUNT.

And now he has the temerity to say he just wants " a break"? I'd give him a fucking break, alright. His neck and both his arms.

He's still lying because he's a cowardly prick - and because he's hanging on to the idea that if things go tits up with OW (and they almost certainly will) that you'll be there willing to welcome him back with open arms.

Lou - at some point, when you feel ready, try to think about what YOU want in terms of this marriage. Don't be blindsided by talk of counselling etc etc, or him telling everyone how much he loves you.

Ask yourself - Do I want this man anymore? In any way, on any level?

Hopefully, you'll realise that you're worth so much more than this and you'll be able to send him a message saying...."Thanks for the offer of counselling. But, frankly, I can't really be arsed with that since I don't want you or our marriage any more, no matter what. I will be in touch re: all legal arrangements. Have a nice life - and don't over do it with the chutney".

You're doing so well...so, so well. I'm slightly in awe of you, to be honest.

Take any and all support that's offered - and look after yourself xxxxx

By the way - if you're struggling to eat, consider getting yourself something like Complan. Won't do in the long term, of course - but for a couple of days it will supplement what you are managing to eat and you'll be getting reasonable doses of all the important vitamins and stuff.

(The chocolate one is particularly yum :))