please please help

[LouP19]

I have come home and my husband has moved out all of his belongings. Everything, even the garage is clear. He dropped me off after work and said he had to go and play cricket and needed some time on his own. I was distraught and said we needed to talk. Things haven't been right for a few weeks, he has denied somebody else.

All of his belongings are gone. I am shaking. No one knows where he has gone. Married 5 years, no kids. Please please help.

Anagram of Chutney: Hey cunt

Hope you're ok OP, and the hair cut gives you the boost you deserve - that you are having your hair done shows that you're a strong woman - you'll get through this.

Think his last sentence "...have a good day, and try to relax a little.." screams with the word dear at the end.. followed by a little pat on the head...

Patronizing, pig ignorant, condescending, arrogant arsewipe, he really thinks he's the biggest dogs bits doesn't he?

So spittingly angry for you, please get a new mobile Lou, you don't need to hear or read his crap anymore.

I just went 'wtaf' at his text message. How utterly deluded is he?

You know, I'm sure this is utterly, unbearably devastating right now and you feel like your world has fallen apart, but after reading everything you've written about this man, I can see you in a year from now, perhaps two or three, climing to the top of a large hill, throwing your arms in the air and going, 'I'M FREEEEEEE!' Because once you've got some separation from all the emotions of this, you are going to look back at everything bad that he's done and realise what a lucky escape you've had.

You get to build yourself a lovely new future, where you will be happy. You are absolutely going to be ok. Totally go with the no contact except through a shit hot solicitor now, it is what will get to him the most.

saffysmum !

Add that to your list of mantras LouP.
Hope you're pleased with your hair. Hold your resolve, you're doing brilliantly.

Saffysmum - laughing my fucking head off at 'Hey cunt'!

Lou - can you start the next thread with that title please?
I just came back for some virtual hand holding. I'm not too far away - would happily pop over to visit when you feel up to it.

Just a thought. When you find out where he is living, could you PM me his address? I have a squirty bottle of onion relish here gathering dust. Would be pleased to deposit the contents through his mother fucking letterbox.

Hugs-a-plenty from me and DP. He thinks you're amazing, as do I.

Lou I've been following this thread and I think you're amazing. Your ex, however, is a colossol bellwhiff.

How're you doing Lou?

Thinking of you here xx

I agree, cut him off.

ATM he thinks by sending you these texts that he's being kind. End the contract you have or ask the operator to change the number of for you. I think your DM needs to change her number too. I worry that pressure will come via his DM if he doesn't get his feed from you.

instruct a solicitor, in fact go and consult with ALL the solicitors in your area, so that he can't use ANY of them.

Tell everyone what he has done and make sure your friends know that you are telling everyone, take his social network away from him entirely.

Goes without saying, no counselling, no meeting, only divorce solicitors and you have to go for the proverbial kill, take him for every single penny you can.

As for your day to day, my suggestion is to buy yourself some new bedlinen, change your room completely around and make the room all YOURS. It worked wonders for me when my (abusive) ex left and I had 3 nights of the most terrifying dreams.

Keep posting. if you are at home tonight, you might need some hand holding. We'll be here for you.

Yes I am astounded at that text as well - its like he has told you off and is now preparing to come home!!! And he hopes you have a nice day???

I wonder what you think when ppl say to cut him off....can you do that? Could you at least take the phone somewhere and leave it so that whatever he sends thro doesn't get to you tonight, and then have some time to think?

I think he may be unsure about completely leaving now......but the qs you must ask is, can you ever have him back after this? Its easy for us to say, but far harder to just accept that something has gone - poof!! - just like that.....

In reality tho, what he has done is unforgivable, and go he must, and you will get used to the idea. Meanwhile if you can ignore anything he says, or barricade it off, so much the better.

Me and my partner are thinking of you too. Unbelievable.

If he's unsure about leaving, or if he's viewing this as something that can be salvaged as long as lou behaves herself and doesn't give him a hard time about shagging someone else, then why do something so final as emptying the fucking house? Don't normal people sit down and discuss these things first? Or, at the most, take an overnight bag in the first instance?

lou just read through the thread, u are amazing you are so strong and he does not deserve you.
Everyone seems to be giving you amazing advice and support.
What ever you choose to do I wish you all the best!

Keep your family and true friends close Lou. Maintain total radio silence. Thinking of you. You've been incredible. You won't feel it now but I promise, you will be happy again. This will be behind you. You will be so strong and capable and wise after all of this. Just take your time. Small steps. Big breaths.

My DP also . I told him earlier Chutneytwat had called John Terry into service in an explanation. His response: "Why am I not surprised?"

I am gobsmacked at his behaviour - I can not believe that an adult man can a)believe and b) say those things - how naive I must be.

Please keep all those texts - one day when the nightmare is over you will be able to laugh at them - and make sure your solicitor sees them.

You poor, poor thing, I am so sorry it has all turned to dust. He is a WANKER of the first degree.

I would like to back up everyone saying how strong you are being.

You're doing great lou, just keep going xx

Wonder what ChutneyTwat would say if he knew his self-indulgent musings texts were being torn apart on here.

Have never posted on a relationships thread before but

OH MY GOD WHAT A NASTY PIECE OF WORK THIS MAN IS.

You are coping fantastically well Lou, I am in awe.

I know it's human nature to try and find out why he has behaved in this way but please don't get tied up in all that, it will do your head in. As other posters have said: IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE x10000000

Hope you are OK today xx

Wow, I know you all keep telling me I'm strong, but you lot are fucking brilliant too. (Do you get banned from this if you swear too much btw?!!). I've just read all your posts, all amazing, some hilarious (loved the 'but why are you taking suitcases?!!'), all have great resonance.

Feel ok just now. Spent a couple of hours at my brothers, talked it through, they think he has some complete fucking mental disorder. Again, it's the reaction that has astounded everyone, not the affair. They've convinced he's not right in the head, I am too now. But not making excuses.

Didn't reply this morning, had 2 more since. Not replied. First said 'Hello ducky, hope you are ok there? Did you get my text this am? I'd like to know how you are and that you received and understood my text. How are the cats? Love xxx'

RECEIVED AND UNDERSTOOD!!! Over and out, yeah?!!

Then, this evening (he's cracking everyone): 'I haven't heard from all day, please just text and let me know you received my txts? I am trying to maintain contact as you asked but if I don't hear back from you then I don't know how you are. Please, I don't want you to be unhappy or upset, just drop me a quick line. Love you xxx'

The moment I don't play HIS game, he's panicking and all over me. To be honest, I did ask him to maintain contact, because it is going to help ME make decisions about my future. So I think I'll text him tomorrow to say 'Received your texts, very busy organising things here'. Seriously, that'll put the shits up him. Therefore I'm maintaining minimum contact on MY terms. Anyway, not thinking about this now, too tired, but will decide again tomorrow.

On another note, I neighbour came round and said she would like to make a rockery with me in our (rather large and plain) front garden. She said 'we could do it for £25, get some nice shrubs in, and it make it YOURS'. How lovely is that? I know this is mammouthly unrealistic, but my main loss at the moment will be the house. I'm now thinking very differently. We've been here 18 months, it coincided with him getting this job. The job really really changed him (self importance), and he's never really lived here or been interested in this house, not in the way I have. So actually, this is MY house far more than it is his. It represents what I wanted. Moving would be the most heartwrenching thing, although I know I may well have to. :-(

Interestingly, the neighbour (why is it often people who are not especially close who are the most perceptive) who said 'You've been in X's shadow far too long, it's time to come out now'.

No, I wouldn't reply at all.

You've changed your mind about him keeping in touch, but you are under no obligation to tell him that. He didn't afford you that courtesy himself, so let him rot.

Received and understood....lol actually wtf!? He really is a prize fucking prick!

It is wonderful how easily you see through him. He is panicking. You are not following his script AT ALL and he can't make head nor fucking tail of it. Good.

Lou you sound fab, ducky!! ok, wtf! As you day, he is clearly shitting himself, excellent! You sound totally on the ball and your planned response to his text is fab..Lou, you rock! x