please please help

[LouP19]

I have come home and my husband has moved out all of his belongings. Everything, even the garage is clear. He dropped me off after work and said he had to go and play cricket and needed some time on his own. I was distraught and said we needed to talk. Things haven't been right for a few weeks, he has denied somebody else.

All of his belongings are gone. I am shaking. No one knows where he has gone. Married 5 years, no kids. Please please help.

"He can't come home because you'll keep bringing it up and he can't live like that?????!!!!!!!"

I hope you told him that him coming home is not an option BECAUSE YOU WON'T HAVE HIM!

And did he have any explanation for the vile and cruel way he left?

I don't condone physical violence but how did you stop yourself from stabbing him?

Do you think there are TWO lists, one for you, one for the OW?

As if he thinks he has/had a choice and was trying to weigh up which to choose?

OP, I think you were so brave. Well done for not losing control. Don't know how you did it.

Not sure about the counselling session, tho'. HE's going to fix it up, then HE will tell you the details. And, presumably, HE will decide what he will and won't discuss. I think you should be the one to take control over any further discussions. Must say I agree with your brother.

I've never posted on a thread in this section before but god almighty this is outrageous.

What a fucking fucking pathetic piece of shit he is. I am so angry on your behalf, op, and so sorry you are going through this.

How dare he bring a fucking list of your 'faults' to try and justify his affair, his lying, his calculations, and his utter selfishness.

If he had any shred of worth and decency he would have come to you months ago to discuss any problems he felt. What a coward for sneaking away for a sordid shag, then leaving you in this way, and then blaming you for it.

I don't know how you managed not to throw a drink in his face and walk out tbh.

Please op, don't see him again. He is a cowardly, immature, narcissistic wanker, and you are evidently worth 100 of him.

You have the backing of hundreds of women (and men) who don't even know you in rl but are fully behind you.

So sorry Lou. I hsve been in your position. My STBXH wrote me an awful letter, it started saying that I was a good mother and we had shared some good times together. That was the only nice thing in it... after ten years together......The rest was all about how horrible I was and how badly I had treated him for years.

What the cheating gits do is to put all the blame on you to justify themselves leaving. I was destroyed and am having counselling to sort my head out.

Dont let him do this to you. Don't believe what he says. He is a cheating twunt, a coward. I had the same speech - you will never forgive me, you will keep throwing it in my face- so thereby again blaming me as to why we couldn't reconcile.

Only you know if you could ever forgive him, but to be honest it doesn't sound much like he wants to come back anyway.., and by moving out it looks like he jumped before he was pushed by you. get yourself sorted with your legal advice, and don't take any crap from him over anything.

Sorry but I knew he'd use tonight to pull you apart and add insult to injury.Drop contact now for everything except solicitor's letters. Let him go to counselling if he wants to. You have better things to do. He is a cruel, heartless man and the bigger the distance you put between you, him and the rest of your life, the better.

All I can say by way of reassurance is that, once you've hit rock bottom, it can only get better. Very best of luck

This is probably the worst cocking bastard thread I have EVER read on MN - and there have been some doozies...!

OP I am so sorry, I just honestly don't know what to say. I find myself wishing you were a troll because I can't bear to think that anyone could ever treat another human being the way this utter bastard wanker has treated you :(

For your own sanity you need to cut contact. I know a criticism of these boards is that people bandy about terms like 'personality disorder' and 'narcissistic personality' but your husband is utterly, freakishly abnormal. How dare he present you with a list of your failings. I don't know how you restrained yourself from giving him a list of his own failings as a human being.

Go on Monday, get legal advice and advise your solicitor that you want to go for the kill. Soooo glad you have a lovely family to support you. Keep coming on here - bet there are loads like me who have been following this thread and cheering for you.

And a massive bunch of

I have rarely read a more shocking thread on mn. He is only thinking of himself. How absolutely DARE he sit there and tell you your faults and say this, 'I can't come home because I know you will bring it up and I can't live like that'. As if that would be an abnormal, unreasonable thing to do. I am just completely gobsmacked at this man's narcissism (not NPD just his narcissism). You are absolutely 100% extremely lucky to be free of him and to have a future where there will be another nice man in your life who will take care of you.

Seriously, OP, no good relationship is like what you have with this man. You are a saint for having got this far. Get angry. And the poor ow (yes I feel sorry for her) if she thinks she has got any kind of catch.

PLEASE don't go to counselling with him. It will just be another stick to beat you with, another way for him to feel good about what he's doing as he gets to enjoy laying out all of his criticisms of you. Everything he'd doing here is fake and contrived. Cut contact and get as far away from him as you can.

Take the bastard to the cleaners!

Actually I agree with clam - I'm not violent but think I might have torn his jugular open with my teeth... Serious kudos on your restraint!

He's a piece of shit who isn't fit to lick your boots. It's horrible for you that the wake up had to come like this but I think you will look back and realise how bloody lucky you were to get out. Stay strong sweetie.

Lou, no more words. You`ve probably had enough for now. Just lots of love, and hugs, and my heartfelt promise that you WILL come through this sweetie. For now, give full rein to your emotions, and surround yourself with the love of your family.

Angelico, snap!

WOW! What?!? I can't actually believe this man exists, WTAF is wrong with him? A list?! Really? And buggering off to see OW when he's supposed to be looking after you? And the holiday?! And still trying to keep his options open with you and OW at the same time? Totally shocked. And couples counselling? And all the 'she'll never take me back' bullshit trying to make it look like you're the one ending the marriage. And 'good homemaker' SERIOUSLY?! What an absolute knobhead. Totally agree with your brother. Listen to your amazing family. I hope the fact that he is being such a tremendous prick has at least taken the burden of deciding what to do off your shoulders?

Lou please run in the opposite direction and never look back! I totally guarantee that, if you don't, this man will suck your life away. Your bad points?!!..can't come back as you will bring it up and can't live like that?...arse.hole.in.the.highest.order.
You are free of him girl! Of course that's easy for me to say as I have never met him..never seen him being lovely...but the acid test is what he has already spelt out in capitals.keep posting, we are here, with virtual pints and bubbly, cheering you on round the log fire in our pub..come on he has shown himself, you don't need this! X

I honestly didn't think he could be more of a twat than the chutney.. but in olympics terms he's done a PB with the LIST!!!!!

Am so angry on your behalf.

Looking for the positivies in the situation at least you are seeing him in all his glory, hopefully you will find it esier to move on without doubt that you are doing 'the right thing'.

I just want to give you a hug and tell you like everyone else it will get better. Let your mum and your family take care of you for now and let yourself regroup.

And did he tell you all about how hurt he is?

What an utter, utter bastard.

I am so glad that you are being so strong and that you know this is not your fault.

I'm almost speechless. What an utter, utter bastard!

OMFG Lou, OMFG.. His fuckwit actions know no bounds, he's disgusting.

Well done you to say the least! you sound like you really kept it together and are seeing things clearly now, behind all his crap.

I'm so glad you have such a good family to give you RL support, agree with your brother re. cutting contact now, oh and if you met us all in a pub we'd all give you a massive hug too x

Chutney? Cutlery? Underhand moving out whilst you are innocently at work? And a list of your shortcomings???!!!! WTF?? He should be on his fucking knees thanking you for agreeing to meet him not attempting to humiliate you further and shift the blame onto you!!

This man is just a wankstain on the bedspread of humanity.

Ignore, move on and be thankful he has shown his true colours, leave his defective personality to the OW to deal with.

Thank you. I'm in Derbyshire by the way, I don't know if I'm allowed to reveal this, but there you go. I've obviously told several friends who have all texted to offer to support and have said 'please come round', but there is something oddly reassuring at the moment to get support from people who don't know me and won't judge me. You know, I've done the typical thing, I've distanced myself from friends for the last few months because I've not been happy and I've dreaded the 'told you sos'. Not that they would do that, but I know they'll think it, and I can't deal with that just yet. So turning to immediate family only at the moment, but extending thanks to friends and saying I'll be in touch.

The most despicable thing (is there a 'most' despicable thing) is I don't want to be in my own home. It screams of everything he has done and all the lies. It screams of the dream I thought we had together. It screams of the deceit and the emptiness. It screams of devastation and failure. Today I got a letter from the fertility clinic, addressed to Mr and Mrs X. He has left me to deal with the entire fucking fallout. (Sorry about my language).

Thank you for all your kind words about the future. If I'm honest I've been in this relationship for the last few months because I was desperate for a child and scared of being alone. I've never felt 100% about his sincerity over anything. Last year he drove me to a farmers market, told me he didn't want children anymore and then expected me to look around the market. I was a wreck and said I wanted to go home. He accused me of spoiling the day, 'we're here now, we should make the most of it'. I wanted to leave then, but didn't know how.

It's threads like these that make me fantasize about a photo board of 'top 100 utter cocks to avoid' for other women out there. Would be so satisfying.

So sorry you are going thru this shit. He sounds like a man child!

You seem to have behaved with dignity and pride so well done.

The next few weeks and months will no doubt be shit for you and I hope you can stay strong through it all.

I have also no doubt that you will be stronger and come out of this better than your shitty ex.

X

Dearest Lou

Words fail me.

and

Take care lovely girl and do get yourself a shit hot lawyer, who should be his only means of communicating with you. Per ardua ad astra.