Hello, clocking in, back at my parents.
Affair since April. Tallies with his mood changes (I've been telling everyone he hasnt been nice to me since 'late Spring'.). He says it's over, I asked him this again, and he put his head in his hands and said 'no'. So of course I don't believe that piece of shit one iota.
Then said he didn't want to discuss the details of the affair because 'it wouldn't be much use'. Then got a list out of his back pocket of my (yes MY) good and bad points. My good points, in case of any of you are interested, is I have a nice laugh, I'm kind to animals, I'm a good homemaker, I'm funny. My bad points were,.... well, needless to say, much longer, more detailed. I was then told that this is what he was there to discuss, not the affair. To be honest, I gave nothing away, just sat, talked calmly, looked at the list and agreed with some of the points, said it was 'useful', but that I could equally have made one too. He was clearly BLAMING me for his actions, even though he said he wasn't. He said 'I love you very very much, but am realistic about our chances as I know you'll never forgive. I can't come home because I know you will bring it up and I can't live like that'.
You get the gist. Oddly enough he says he's going to book a counselling session for us next week, and that he'll let me know when it is. So, other woman is on the scene, he's keeping every option open. And very very clearly lying to her too. Meeting me at 4.30 means his evening is free and doesn't look suspcious. And if he does leave me then he's taking every possession he owns so in effect he's paved his way.
When I think back now, there have been so many weekend and nights away that always seemed 'one too many'. That always didn't feel right. I queried, I was unreasonable, I was being needy. I had a laparoscopy in May to investigate infertility. He took 2 days off afterwards to 'look after me', but ended up 'having' to go to London on the night. He was horrible to me when I got upset.
When I got home I just cried and cried and cried. He wanted to come in and drop some cat food off. I said no. He then gave me a bag, which contains expensive cat food, a 'I love you card', and a DS Puzzler game (my favourite). And a receipt for the holiday.
Fucking bastard bastard cnut. He then said he was going to his parents this weekend when there was no indication in his car of a packed bag. Really, the lies are just going to come and come. And THEN he rang him Mum on his mobile and said he was setting off. The call was brief, sounded fake, he was FAKING that too. My Mum spoke to his Mum today and they had no idea he was stopping with them.
I had a massive massive cry, spoke to my brother (odd this, never been that close, but he is seriously outraged and been giving brilliant advice) and has said CEASE all contact now. And I will. If he gets a counselling appointment then I'll go for ME.
Thank you thank you thank you. I wish I could meet you all in a pub and give everyone a massive hug. My life right now has been torn apart. And when I left home again I just burst into tears on the cats because I love them and feel I'm letting them down. Christ, it can't get any any worse that this.