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Original poster

womens attitudes to crossdressing

881 replies

calikid · 29/07/2012 01:16

hi everyone,

i write this as a response to the numerous comments on a variety of posts regarding reaction to any stories where crossdressing is a subject. Firstly i'd like to make it clear that i am male and as such appreciate i may be laying myself bare to the onslaught of comment that is likely to come my way. although male i love to wear "womens clothes". What I would like to know is simply why shouldn't I. can anyone give me one valid reason why I shouldn't? because I have never been able to think of one.
I am happily married with two dds and a beautiful wife , all of whom i love very much. My wife knows all about my dressing and has been with me to a couple of tv gatherings. i told her not long after we got together and she was totally fine with it, we have been married now for 8 yrs. we do not let the children know as they are still quite young.
In all other respects I am very much one of the lads......I like football and beer (but then so do many women!), i work in construction, I teach martial arts, I help with housework , I don't mind ironing(coz i can do it while watching tv!)
I take a size 10 and look pretty good in a skirt and heels, but then so does my wife, its just she can do it whenever she pleases and good for her. its just the injustice and ignorance of society that infuriates me.
I'm curious to know how the rest of women feel about the issue

OP posts:
Napdamnyou · 29/07/2012 01:19

I don't think 'the rest of women' have a collective opinion on the matter.

BlackSwan · 29/07/2012 01:49

Sorry, who are you meant to be - I can't figure it out.

Original poster
calikid · 29/07/2012 02:03

napdamnyou, i realise there is no "collective" opinion, its individual opinions i'm interested in.
blackswan, i thought i had given enough info on my situation to let you know where i'm coming from if you're unclear what more do you need to know?

OP posts:
lisaro · 29/07/2012 02:05

Are you freelance or do you work for a particular publication?

izzyizin · 29/07/2012 02:13

You take a size 10? Is this is stealth boast? Hmm

I haven't noticed a 'variety of posts' or 'numerous comments' on the subject of crossdressing you've referred to on this board.

Maybe you should consider posting on AIBU?

If society's injustice and ignorance infuriates you, imagine how Stephen Gough feels.

Original poster
calikid · 29/07/2012 02:24

no its not a stealth boast, i just have an active job and do sport. i do eat probably too much chocolate but no red meat! I don't understand your question Lisaro, if you're suggesting i'm a professional writer of sorts the answer is no to both i'm just a normal working bloke

OP posts:
PedanticPanda · 29/07/2012 02:25

No reason why you shouldn't, they are just clothes.

Original poster
calikid · 29/07/2012 02:26

i apologise if i've posted in the wrong location, i'm not well versed in the correct protocol if there is one

OP posts:
PedanticPanda · 29/07/2012 02:28

Although I'd feel uncomfortable with my dp wearing womens clothes, even though I've just said there's no problem with it.

PedanticPanda · 29/07/2012 02:30

No you've not posted in the wrong section, you're discussing what is acceptable in your relationship and how others would view it so I suppose posting in relationships makes sense.

MaryHansack · 29/07/2012 02:38

it's a little easier for women, we can cross dress whenever we like, and nobody bats an eyelid.
Sod it OP, just slip on a dress and take a walk to the local shop.

ravenAK · 29/07/2012 02:47

I'd be fine with it.

Mind you, I'm a goth, & goth events have always tended to be very TV-friendly. I know several cross dressers, the majority of whom are usually out for the evening with their dws/female dps.

If it were my dh (not that he'd be terribly convincing, he's a 6'3 beardy type) then I might worry about it if it was a 'hidden away' thing & he felt uncomfortable about cross dressing openly. Not if he was open about it, though - that'd be fine.

Melanthe · 29/07/2012 02:49

Its ok for a woman to be a 'tomboy' or watch footy or whatever because, ultimately, for a woman to want to be a man is a 'step up.'

On the other hand, a man who likes to 'feminine' things - to sew, wear dresses, etc, is taking a 'step down' as men are above women in status.

I think this mindset needs to be changed, but I have no idea how.

Maybe you should try the feminism section for an interesting discussion on this topic?

unicorn72 · 29/07/2012 04:54

I am a supportive gg to my dp who is a cd ( sorry about abbravartions but you properly understand them if ur are on scence) i know sadly only a few women who are supportive for the stories that i hear alot of women are scared that there partner wants to be a women ie ts and also think its moraly wrong and the is gay as you know being cd is differnet to being ts am glad ur wife is supportive and u can meet others for mutal support did u get to go to sparkle this yr xx much love

ClaudiaSchiffer · 29/07/2012 05:02

I'm not against it in theory I suppose. And I guess if your and your dw are ok then that's fine.

But I'd have a really hard time accepting my dh in a frock. I would think it very peculiar and deeply sexually unattractive.

izzyizin · 29/07/2012 05:08

Can you explain why you'd feel that way, Claudia?

Is it because that's how you, i.e. the 'inner' you that's untained by prejudice, would feel or is it because you've been conditioned to feel that way?

izzyizin · 29/07/2012 05:09

untainted

hilarioususername · 29/07/2012 05:09

Interesting subject. I wear my DH's clothes occasionally, but if I ever saw him in one of my dresses for anything other than a joke I would be very put-off. I don't know why that is, and I'm not proud of it.

On the other hand anyone else can wear whatever clothes they like, it doesn't make a difference to me. Why shouldn't you wear what you want?

I wonder why my opinions are so different for my DH. I guess it's perfectly fine to do but not physically attractive to me.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 29/07/2012 05:16

Crumbs Izzy, I dunno, I think it's because the thought of my big hairy husband in a feminine frock fills me with hysterical laughter - not condusive to feeling sexy.

It would make me see him as less of a man I suppose. I'm not particularly proud of that or ashamed - it's just how I feel, and I really don't care what anyone else's husband chooses to wear but if I came home early and caught dh in my bra I'd have a serious re-think of our marriage.

izzyizin · 29/07/2012 05:40

Would it be easier to cope with the thought if he wasn't hairy, Claudia? You've made me think of Bernard Bresslaw dressed up as a beauty queen in some Carry On film - the title of which I can't recall at the present time.

As for coming home and finding him in your bra, that's pure Monty Python's Lumberjack song Grin

I rarely wear a bra and I frequently wear trousers. I've even got a tux, albeit that I don't wear it with a cummberbund, bowtie, and suspenders (braces). But I'm not butch nor am I about to have my fanjo fashioned into something approximating a penis or start hitting on women.

So why should we bat an eyelid at a man wearing a dress or imagine that he's gay or wants to be a woman?

MrsMangoBiscuit · 29/07/2012 06:41

I used to be pretty good friends with someone (male) who crossed dressed. She used to join in on our girls nights out too. She was good fun, and could still hold an interesting convo at 2 in the morning. :) The cross dressing part was neither here nor there, it was just another fact.

I wouldn't have a problem if DH wanted to cross dress. I would not be happy if he wanted to borrow my clothes though, I'm a bit precious about other people wearing my clothes. Blush I don't know that I would still find him as attractive while dressed up though, his masculinity is part of what I find attractive about him.

izzyizin · 29/07/2012 06:42

Mmm... I wonder if it's because when I put on my Wranglers and pull on a pair of Frye boots I'm simply getting dressed ready to go ride my horse or go about my day whereas when a man puts on a skirt and slips his feet into a pair of Manolos the inference is that he's dressing to achieve a sexual thrill.

Do you get a sexual kick out of dressing as a woman, calikid?

izzyizin · 29/07/2012 06:52

I have a cd friend who takes on a female persona when he wears women's clothing, Mango.

'He' becomes 'she'; 'she' exhibits mannerisms atypical of female in that the way he walks and carries himself changes, whereas when I dress in what are traditionally men's clothes, albeit now 'unisex', I stay resolutely 'me'.

coffeeandcake · 29/07/2012 07:39

this thread has challenged me!
i have always thought that i am fine with cd - individual's right and all that. however, when i REALLY think about it, I think i WOULD struggle if my DP wanted to cd. i agree with the op who said that her man's masculinity was one of the attractive features she liked in him.
that said, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker, i think. i would just need time to come to terms with it. And i don't think i would be happy with him wearing my clothes, he would have to buy his own.
thanks, calikid, for giving me food for thought!

crazyhead · 29/07/2012 07:54

Theoretically, absolutely no issue with it, no issue hanging out with people who was cross-dressed or whatever, none of it.

Re my OH, wouldn't mind at all if he was crossdressing for some fancy dress party, but I would struggle if it was a regular part of his (sexual) identity. Something to do with how I fitted into that picture, maybe? And, to be honest, my sexual enjoyment of his maleness.

I have to say, I would completely expect OH to have similar reservations were I to strap my breasts, chop my hair off and go out for a regular 'male acting' night out. I would expect that to potentially disrupt OH's pleasurable sense of my 'femaleness'.

I am sure there are couples where that would be completely acceptable and even an important part of their lives, but I don't think it is as straightforward as prejudice in cases where people DON'T like it.

All of this goes to show the importance of being upfront and honest like you have OP, so you can get together with the right woman for you :)