womens attitudes to crossdressing

[calikid]

hi everyone,

i write this as a response to the numerous comments on a variety of posts regarding reaction to any stories where crossdressing is a subject. Firstly i'd like to make it clear that i am male and as such appreciate i may be laying myself bare to the onslaught of comment that is likely to come my way. although male i love to wear "womens clothes". What I would like to know is simply why shouldn't I. can anyone give me one valid reason why I shouldn't? because I have never been able to think of one.
I am happily married with two dds and a beautiful wife , all of whom i love very much. My wife knows all about my dressing and has been with me to a couple of tv gatherings. i told her not long after we got together and she was totally fine with it, we have been married now for 8 yrs. we do not let the children know as they are still quite young.
In all other respects I am very much one of the lads......I like football and beer (but then so do many women!), i work in construction, I teach martial arts, I help with housework , I don't mind ironing(coz i can do it while watching tv!)
I take a size 10 and look pretty good in a skirt and heels, but then so does my wife, its just she can do it whenever she pleases and good for her. its just the injustice and ignorance of society that infuriates me.
I'm curious to know how the rest of women feel about the issue

[likeatonneofbricks]

maybe Beckham, or a known male model should cross dress, I think we lack a role model who makes tasteful cross dressing (with no make-up/wig), look elegant. It doesn't have to be frills and sparkle and high heels at all, just tight fitting simply cut clothes, nothing ott. It's not clubby look but that's what OP is advocating, not having to hide the fact that he is a man.

[calikid]

yes to the latter, 5'10" and a size 10 so the skirts hang well. I tend to wear floaty knee length or just below, but do have a lovely straight just above the knee that used to be my wifes that got passed on

[calikid]

i like your logic ton of bricks

[ouryve]

My own personal (not collective) opinion is along the lines of "whatever floats your boat" with the rider of "really, who can be bothered with tights and all that make up and hair faff?

That would be because most cross dressers are rather more glam than I am, though.

[calikid]

yes clanger ther are alot of skirt like garments marketed for men which try their hardest to differentiate themselves from the female variety. for me however, i don't see the attraction as its the sensual nature of silky skirts and and breeze around my legs when wearing that i find enjoyable. thick heavy manly type skirts don't afford this simple luxury.

[likeatonneofbricks]

although i suppose not too tight a cut, unless the fabric is thick. Just form fitting . yes 5'10 and 10 is perfect actually for that look. You ar lucky that you aer not bulky, i think cds who are out of shape OR too muscular do have a problem and have to be creative. I do have an eye for right proportions OP . I think some designers would enjoy the challenge - and it will probably happen in not-so-distant future, things aer getting more and more androgynous in all aspects.

[calikid]

yes tonofbricks, its woven wool and lind so still feels nice! lined so you like it , isn't that the marketing blurb!
ouryve (interesting name) , most cds are glam coz if you're going for the look and feel you might as well go for most you can achieve

[likeatonneofbricks]

'lined so you like it'

[calikid]

sorry, I dropped the e,(excuse the pun)

[CogPsych]

If there's nothing wrong with it, then why are you asking strangers about it on an internet forum rather than just being content that your wife accepts it? And why wouldn't you tell your kids if it's a totally fine thing to do?

I'm cool with it for strangers like yourself (since i just don't care, really). I think it says a little about gender identity though, and for that reason i wouldn't be happy with my DH being into it.

[ouryve]

Tonofbricks - DH's hair is much finer and softer than mine. Needless to say, the long hairs in the plughole most definitely aren't mine. I have a DS with longer hair, too. It just suits him so much. I am sometimes tempted to get a t-shirt printed "I'm not a girl, I'm a metalhead" though because so many people are pretty short sighted when faced with a male with long hair.

DH and I have had a couple of incidents of walking into a shop and having a flustered salesman (always) blunder "Er, can I help you, er, ladies?" I do have very short hair, most of the time and do dress in a mostly "androgynous" manner, albeit with a lot of bright pink, swathes of knitted lace in cold weather and flashes of obvious cleavage. So many people are so clearly bound by the stereotypical images of "man" and "woman" as outlined by the silhouettes on toilet cubicles, though.

[calikid]

i'm asking strangers on a forum in order to initiate a discussion. and yes i am content with my wifes attitude its just i'm not content with lots of other peoples, hence the thread. and as stated earlier in the discussion at present there is no need to involve the children as they are still young, both under the age of 10 and no need to introduce them to something which may confuse them. we as responsible parents guide their attitudes and understanding of the world and educate them about life , intolerance of ANY kind and in due course the can then form balanced opinions based on fact and not prejudice. I am not worried that they would not understand or love or respect me any less but they do not need to worry about that other people think there is something abnormal about their dad, which there isn't but unfortunately many uninformed people do

[izzyizin]

Those silhouettes have often got me into trouble ouryve.



I'm still unclear whether, when you're crossdressed, you're calikid wearing sensual women's clothing or whether you become calikidina wearing sensual women's clothing and exhibiting atypical female mannerisms.

Could you please clarify?

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

There are plenty of women with really short hair and they can look fabulous. But of course they are allowed to wear what they want and don't have to manufacture some false image in order to attempt to conceal their real identity for fear of recrimmination.

Don't you believe it! Women on the whole put so much work into doing femininity whether they have a #1 crop or long flowing locks. It's all about manufacturing a false image - flawless skin, exaggerated eyes and lips, gravity defying breasts, hairlessness ... all the way down to the stupid fucking shoes.

Lots of us women hate having to 'dress as a woman' and experience the pressure to do so as patriarchal oppression. It's a whole load of extra work that women have to do if they want to fit in. Its purpose is to differentiate us as the inferior sex class. Small wonder then that so many women have a visceral reaction to CD. It's politically impolite, to say the least.

If it's just a case of wanting to wear 'non-trouser garments' and other non-traditional attire then I'm 100% behind you - it's about time that men loosened up on their clothing rules. The ball's in your court though, don't expect women to fight your battle for you - we have enough on our plates.

[TheDoctrineOfEnnis]

Great post, Plenty.

[Offred]

Plenty's post one thing I am irritated by and find the first post hostile and want you to clarify your reason for posting because it feels like goading to me and I find it a bit insulting that a. I am effectively being lumped in with "the rest of women" and b. being collectively lumped in with MN which is being accused of being anti-cd... Now it may be true that second one overall but I am not, I literally have no feelings about it, I've had cd bfs I don't care either way about it. I don't find it remarkable, I don't want to stop people talking about it or doing it. My first bf was cd, he is very confident about it, he has never been beaten up over it, he doesn't "try to pass" and never has.

I think re the children by keeping it a secret you are teaching them that you think it is abnormal, children normally cope much better by being included rather than excluded from things so if/when you tell them they may be angry at you for excluding them from your life and something which is important to you, it is likely they will look at it in a "dad didn't trust us enough" or "I don't know who he is anymore" way if they are going to take it badly than "this is abnormal and society won't accept it". Small children especially learn "normal" primarily from home. The only reason I wouldn't tell them if it was my family is if it was a sexual fetish.

I still don't understand the point of writing all those things, primarily assuming hostility, about being a "blokey bloke" and not telling the children unless you are seeking validation. I just feel a bit offput by it because it is effectively saying to me, I am coming on here to try to convince MN and "the rest of women" to not be anti-cd. See how normal and blokey I am, see how I am protecting my children which is basically portraying that you think cd is ok providing it is a secret that children are protected from and providing it is a "normal bloke" that is doing it... As empowering posts go it really isn't great and actually it perpetuates stereotypes and discrimination in itself and actually is a bit unfair to MN really because it is more likely to receive hostile responses what with it being hostile itself.

[unicorn72]

My dp is so wanting a shoe desinger to design a kitten heel but with. Steel toe tap so when hes a she she can can wear heels for work lol think the op is trying to show that just beacause he cross dresses he is not a demon etc and does mascline role model too its a hard explain but i get you op as my dp does x

[JennyPiccolo]

I wouldn't care if my dp wanted to wear women's clothes. As long as he was happy.

[Offred]

But that is the thing unicorn. That is the thing. Plenty's post about this assumption about "being female" and his op about "being male"... It does not empower or assert confidence about cd.

I know there is a big spectrum of cd (right up to tv), a whole myriad of individual reasons for doing it, some people like the clothes/fabrics, some like how they look, some have a sexual fetish, some like to have an alter ego and "be a woman", there's probably as many reasons as there are people and so I don't see how a. MN can provide a judgement on it and b. why they should... It is just a car crash this post, I don't see what can come of it, it is equivalent to coming on saying for example: "I'm aware that MN recently has been hostile to bisexual men, I want to see what the rest of women think about it. I am a bisexual man, my wife is happy, I haven't told the children because we are protecting them and I do xyz "blokey" thing" cd is an element of someone not the sum total of them, not even the main element of them, each person is an individual and some of their choices can be pathological and hurtful to others some individuals are lovely and caring I believe there may be prejudice, similar to prejudices against women or against homosexuality but by relating to the issue in a "cd are or are not" way it doesn't help. Some cds are total twats, it isn't because they are cds it is because they are twats, some women are twats, it isn't because they are women. It is hard to explain but the post doesn't match up with the stated aims to me.

[anairofhopeFORGOLD]

U havent answered any of my questions.

[Fairenuff]

You haven't answered my questions either.

Not much of a debate tbh.

All you've done is respond to people who think the same as you, and talk about hairstyles and skirt length

[solidgoldbrass]

The thing is, 'normals' don't discuss their sex lives with their DC. Your DC don't need to know that you like it up the arse, or never orgasm through oral; but people who are in some way unconventional are supposed to abandon all privacy?

[solidgoldbrass]

Oh, and there is an interesting blog from a crossdressing heterosexual man.

Though if you are very sensitive, it should be approached with caution; the blogger is a stand-up comedian so it's quite sweary.

[Offred]

Sgb - that's extraordinarily ignorant. It is not necessarily a sexual fetish.

[Helltotheno]

Yes but, although I broadly understand all the reasons people have given for NOT telling the kids (and they're all valid), I do think that there's a much higher chance of a child 'absorbing' a behaviour as 'nothing strange' if it's part of their lives from the very start. The alternative is telling them... when? When they're 14, 15, 16? At the very time they're most susceptible to peer pressure and societal views?

With any of this stuff, I'm more of the view that kids should know, but should have boundaries around what they discuss at home versus outside, until such time as they're confident enough to deal with the reaction of others.

I agree with others OP, that you haven't really addressed the many questions that have been put to you, and that if you seriously wanted a meaningful debate rather than just to validate your choices, you would have answered those questions.